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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu - in laws

124 replies

Peppamouse16 · 20/06/2016 12:01

Hi everybody I'm new here but figured since reading the advice you guys give to others,that is share my story on here and ask for advice too.

A bit of background,I had DS in January and I live with my FIL,MIL & BIL,my partner works away all week and comes home on a weekend.
This could get long so please bare with me Confused
For a while I have been silently going crazy,I hate the position I'm in at the minute,and dare I say it,I hate my in laws. I'm not being ungrateful or rude and I've never voiced it but I do. My FIL smokes all round the house,my MIL is passive aggressive and my BIL is weird,they all have zero personal hygiene or any sort of hygiene in general. The main problem I'm having at the minute is BIL keeps calling DS sexy. I really do hate people calling babies sexy. He asks me if I need to do anything so he can hold DS and play with him but I don't like it. He'll sometimes come back to the house on his breaks from work and will try and wait until DS is finished napping before he leaves. He doesn't wash or brush his teeth and blows raspberries on him which makes me feel sick and I have to clean him after. He took pictures of him (fully clothed) and I was holding him,but then called him a sexy little shi*.

I don't like him,it makes me feel uneasy. AIBU and overreacting or just being over protective? I just want to get out of this house so badly but we're saving up Sad
I've tried to say to OH I don't really like it when they call DS sexy but I don't think he took it seriously.. I'm a scaredy cat and will keep my mouth shut but then I'll blow and take it out in my OH which isn't fair. Any advice?? X

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/06/2016 20:20

Thing is though OP you are being offered houses and 29 miles sounds like it would be a godsend to get away from your in laws. You can't both be desperate and willing to wait it out until you get what you want Confused

It's a year here before banging in for an exchange. Surely you would prefer you own space sooner rather than later?

angryangryyoungwoman · 20/06/2016 20:21

I have sympathy for your situation, I would, in your position, take the home offered 28 miles away as to me, that would be preferable to living in the situation you describe. How many months do you have left before you are able to move out, financially speaking?

Crispbutty · 20/06/2016 20:21

" I lived on my own before and can and want to live on my own again"

Just noticed this bit. Why dont you want to live with your partner?

Original poster
Peppamouse16 · 20/06/2016 20:25

It's not worth it,what is wrong with wanting to be close to my family? For the sake of everyone saying I should take a house 30 miles away,I should isolate myself with two children under two? I should travel with my babies (none of my family drive either) these 30 miles to see my family? It's not happening lol. And quite frankly this is getting boring now,it's actually turned into a subject completely different to what I asked advice about Confused

OP posts:
TotalConfucius · 20/06/2016 20:25

I think in your particular situation if you are being offered council accommodation 27 miles away and you do not drive you need to look at those places on google maps and see whether there are shops, buses, schools within walking distance - not just consider them in terms of their distance from family.
I understand you'd like to be near for their support - but in my opinion you sound like a very capable and level headed person and you need your own little home with your DC and partner, away from the in-laws.
I know it is scary to move to a new area (I,ve done it, it was 60 miles), having to wake up the next morning thinking 'I need milk, where the f* is the shop?' But you will soon find the shop, the toddler group, the young mums along the road.
And then you can use the money you've saved for the rent deposit on a driving lesson every Saturday morning when your partner's around. It can be done when you're pregnant - I was six weeks away from my due date when I passed my test.

orangebird69 · 20/06/2016 20:26

Do you work Peppa?

BibbidiBobbidi · 20/06/2016 20:27

Is there any possibility of you moving in with your parents until the money is saved?

Might not be ideal but it's got to be better than the situation you're in now?

MariaSklodowska · 20/06/2016 20:29

" ,it's actually turned into a subject completely different to what I asked advice about "

no it hasnt , it is spot on. You live with people who you don't trust and who wont stop smoking all through the house, and have had the rare good fortune to be offered more than one council place. Yet you don't want to take it. So what WOULD you like posters to advise, exactly?

Peyia · 20/06/2016 20:32

Seen very close to family but they are unable to help you when you need the the most? Hmm

I'd personally think twice the next times property is offered to you. Your family include your children, they are your priority so when you come here asking for advice on your inlaws don't be affronted when people tell you the obvious - take the dam house 30 miles away!

ThisisMajorTomtoGroundControl · 20/06/2016 20:33

I worked out when I was homeless that I could move to Weston super mare from Bristol - nearly 30 miles - and still keep my child at the same school by getting a fast train and a bus every morning. It was my very serious plan B. Ultimately it depends how desperate you are. In laws sound like a nightmare. We could all say they are unreasonable but that doesn't help the situation.

gamerchick · 20/06/2016 20:33

Well quite ^^ you're implying your BIL is extra creepy, what if he was worse with a girl?

30 mile is what, 8 quid on the train? I just don't understand your reasoning if you're desperate as you say.

Peyia · 20/06/2016 20:34

Excuse the typo's, typing whilst watching footie Blush

Go Wales!!!

gamerchick · 20/06/2016 20:36

We have the football on as well. I may have a slight cats bum face about it all Grin

AyeAmarok · 20/06/2016 20:37

Please stop saying "lol". There is nothing remotely funny about this ridiculous situation.

I can't believe you think you're an independent woman standing on her own two feet. Every post you've made shows you're anything but.

It's time to get some perspective and grow up.

Peyia · 20/06/2016 20:40

Which game are you watching Gamer?

angryangryyoungwoman · 20/06/2016 20:44

How many months do you have left before you are able to move out, financially speaking?

eurochick · 20/06/2016 20:45

You are being ridiculous. There is no way I would put up with your living situation when there is a way out. 30 miles is nothing. Do it for the sake of the kids. I bet you will do a lot better out of that environment too.

Original poster
Peppamouse16 · 20/06/2016 20:46

Totalconfucius
OH won't move there either he's point blank refused some of the cheaper places I've shown him because it's not in a good area not realising,although they are his family and he loves them,it's not ideal for me or LO and a cheaper place (rented) would mean we got our bond back when we found somewhere better. And it's just me saving by myself at the minute for a deposit amongst other things. He's offered to give me driving lessons to help cut the cost (in theory lol) but it's something I'm dying to do though,if I could drive I would (believe it or not) move anywhere.
Bibbidibobbidi
I only have my mum and she can't help,there isn't any spare rooms,I've tried that one lol.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/06/2016 20:48

England... The husband is watching, I'm having a beer and mning. I wouldn't mind so much if people could watch it quietly Angry

gamerchick · 20/06/2016 20:50

But he's not there most of the time OP, why does it matter to him?

BibbidiBobbidi · 20/06/2016 20:50

That's a pity. Is there no other friends or family that could put you up for a little while?
If I were you I would accept OH offer of the driving lessons. You could move further away then and just have the one car so no additional costs.
You would have to take OH too and from work but that won't be a big deal if you need it bad enough will it?

angryangryyoungwoman · 20/06/2016 20:53

I give up, I have asked you the same question twice, ....
No reply, I'm outta here!Hmm

Thisismyfirsttime · 20/06/2016 20:53

But why not take the council house that's been offered further away, then wait it out and do a swap rather than waiting it out in this horrible situation for enough for a deposit on rented accommodation? Your children will be safe and you can visit/ have visitors. You could go to local groups etc to make friends. What are you being offered? 1 beds? 2 beds? Houses or flats? Gardens? I'm just wondering in terms of how swappable it'd be.

Crispbutty · 20/06/2016 20:54

"a cheaper place (rented) would mean we got our bond back when we found somewhere better"

eh?

If you were that desperate to move, you would take anything. And you ought to as well. You are lucky enough to be offered housing. Many people cant get any help.

Your partner is working, so get saving up and rent a small flat.

Fomalhaut · 20/06/2016 20:56

30 miles is nothing - I've moved countries in order to get jobs.
You are being offered council properties locally and you're turning them down? That's not a good call. Subsidised housing is like gold dust ! Take the house and get yourself and your child out of this awful situation