DPs ex

[thepothasboiledover]

Hi all this is the first time I have asked advice on my own life in AIBU but I need to vent!!
Basically DPs ex has made our life hell for ten yrs + and I have literally years of saved abusive messages, screenshots from slanderous things she has written about us on social media etc. I know the best thing to do is ignore it but I've had enough and the slander on social media has started to affect my life again.
So what I am asking is that if I post the messages on social media publically and screenshots of her lies with the actual truth (think 'x & x refused to buy kids school uniform today' next to a text from her saying 'if you don't give me £50 tomorrow I am confiscating their phones until you do') am I breaking any laws?
Just for the record the kids are almost adults now. One just pretends it isn't happening and isn't right arsed and the other one is sick to the back teeth of it as well and moved out - spends most of the time with us or grandparents. Neither of them would give a shit whether I told the world everything, she has well and truly burnt her bridges with youngest DSC
I hate social media now with a burning passion but what she puts on there is impossible to avoid!!!

Why do you and your friends and family see so much of her and her friends? Why would your family member talk to her in the street at all never mind stand there listening when she started slagging you?

Why do you all live in each other's pockets?

If she's half as vindictive as you say she is, then she'll probably sue you if you post stuff online, or twist it to make you look worse.

Also, if he was paying maintenance that means he wasn't even doing 50:50 care was he? So, she is mad and bad but also perfectly fine to care for his children.

I'm not usually a fan of vague booking but I wonder if something implying that you've gone to the police/solicitor would be enough to at least quiet the minions a bit?

You could get the daily mail to do a sad face story about how the law doesn't protect you from this kind of abuse.

Pot be honest with yourself...do you honestly believe that doing this will make her or her minions stop?

The quotes you put up clearly identify your DP and you. Why have you jot pushed for harassment under the Telecommunications Act? It only takes two or more counts. Don't be put off by someone telling you they can't prosecute for this, they bloody can and will. Remove yourself from all social media. She sounds unhinged.

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand why she isn't blocked. Friends and family can also block her. Why aren't you blocking her?

What exactly is it you want the law to do? I am struggling to see slander/libel, but there is clear harassment. Why not pursue that? Take it all to the police and ask for help.

There are also two sides to a story....if someone from your family threatens her, why is it unreasonable of her to feel threatened, scared or to believe that you are behind it? I am not suggesting she didn't provoke in some way, but it doesn't help when you start playing the same game.

To be honest, you sound just as bad as you're painting her out to be.

You have saved screenshots going back years?!

Also, how do you even know what she is posting on her social media.

You say the kids have pretty much all grown up & left now so just let it go.
Block her on all social media, block her number on your mobile & landline & point blank refuse to engage with her.

"Block her!" looks set to become the new "Cancel the cheque!"

How are people managing to find fault with my DP based on his ex??
Yes she's fuckin crazy. Yes her minions approach my friends and relatives and spout shit. But his kids thankfully knew nothing until they became old enough to understand that their mother is potty and spend as much time as they could at our home. When they split up it was just the norm for kids to live with their mum. And she wasn't like this before he met me. Not even right away when she was introduced to me. No doubt someone will find a way to say it must be my fault then. Because there always has to be 'more to it'
I saw a quote the other day - 'bitter ex wives exist mostly in the minds of jealous new ones' I think some people genuinely have this mindset because I have read several threads on here about hung up exes and mothers of children and there are always some who just cannot take the poster at face value. Must be lovely to live in la la land where people who behave like this are simply a myth. I cannot control every single person who reads her bullshit. I cannot control her friends and relatives who think they are found a good deed by defending her because she is so hard done to. But I suppose I can take solace in the fact that her kids know me and DP are the victims in this and their mother is just a poisonous old crank

I really wish people would read the lot before making assumptions. Never mind. It's reassuring to know there are people out there who've had to deal with similar and not been committed thanks to those who have been helpful

When did I say I called her that to her kids? Assumptions again!
Like a PP said some people clearly hate stepmothers on MN and you are one of them which is why you are taking so much interest in this post. So go and take your step mum hatred out on someone else, because this step mum is a damn good one who has the absolute respect and love of two very mature step kids who unfortunately have a dragon for a mother. It does happen you know. Bitter ex wives do exist - and a lot of them

And you sound like a bitter ex wife. Thanks for your input

People do sympathise, OP, but you can't control her. You can only control how you act towards her.

You need to block her and all her friends from Facebook. Ask people not to tell you when she slags you off. Change your number (you say you've done this already, so how did she get your new one?) and don't respond to anything. If it's to do with the chidren, refer to DP and let him deal with it.

I believe she's as bad as you say she is, but at the end of the day, she can write what she wants on Facebook unless she's mentioning you by name. If she is, report her to the police. And keep reporting her. Keep a log of everything she's said/written/text and show it to them.

You need to detach from this thread. Seriously. I am not your exes new partner and there is nothing to be achieved by berating me.

And I've been in a similar situation. Step-parent to ex's DC whose mother slagged me off on FB and sent both of us nasty messages. The only way to stop her was to ignore and detach completely. She only did it for the reaction.

Hermione I wish I knew. People believe she's the victim and therefore bend over backwards for her. Maybe she told them she needed my number urgently because of the kids or something I don't know. I might just emigrate. I'd love to emigrate - what a good way to fuck the bitch off out of our lives for good!

I really do sympathise, it sounds awful.

Have you considered reporting her to the police at all?

I've spoken to the police more than once. Basically was told that because she wasn't making threats then it wasn't an urgent matter and to keep everything logged. Which I do. She hasn't directly contacted us for a while now but her social media posts get around. It's frustrating, upsetting and downright embarrassing if I'm honest. My DP wouldn't even stand and talk to her now about anything because she desperately wants him to snap and lash out - so she can call the police. Some of the things she's said in the past to him in an attempt to get him angry enough to hit her are unbelievable. Even questioning their kids paternity (no doubt in my mind at all they are both his image). She really is the worst specimen of a human I've ever met and I kind of pity all the people she's sucked in

Fucking hell the amount of people who say 'just ignore her'. That is so so so much easier said than done and I imagine that if this was themselves having such vile lies spread on social media with lots of people commenting on it, they would be raging. I would be op! Shame her. I would.

I understand your feeling to "set the record straight" but I wouldn't post photos, and here's why... she'll find a way to fake them herself to make you look worse. Or she'll claim you deleted messages, or altered them. She'll stop sending stuff in message form and instead start calling more often.

Instead, I'd go to the police about a non-mol (is that possible in a non-romantic relationship?). She's obviously harassing you both and the police will be able to see your phones for themselves (without the need to doctor it).

I would have you and all your friends and family block her. I wouldn't add anyone new to your social media accounts and check the people who are on it. I'd check your privacy settings and amend if you need to (including blocking your friends list). I would tell your children to go ahead and get FB accounts if they'd like but I'd also make sure their security settings hide their friends names, and I'd alter their names in some way (like First and Middle name instead of using last name) in case she has other accounts and tries to look for them. I'd tell them not to have a cover photo or profile photo of their face or anyone else in the family.

All this I would do while organising the non-mol and taking her to court. It IS harassment and I understand how down trodden you feel by it all.

If you feel the need to post on FB I'd just post a comment along the lines of: The truth will always set you free. Only the people involved in a situation know the truth and the rest will only ever know what they're told. It's possible to believe your own lies well enough that you can't tell where your lies begin and end. All the proof in the world won't have someone see the truth if they don't want to.

Honestly, you can't convince people to not believe her. You can only protect yourself and your family from her lies the best you can. She may have some sort of mental health issue because 10 years is a LONG time to carry on like this. Doesn't help that her children want nothing to do with her... of course that's probably your fault as well right?!