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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be that excited by this gift?

118 replies

Northcountrygirl16 · 19/06/2016 02:46

DH seems annoyed that I'm not overjoyed with the anniversary gift he got me.

His gift is a framed outline of the U.K. That has our names and wedding date on and then the name of a random town we once lived in, which is not where we got married.

I thanked him for it but he seems to think my reaction wasn't gushing enough. I'm not really sure what the point of it is to tell you the truth, or what he thought I was going to do with it. We don't really have anywhere to hang it ( being honest it's not something I'd really want to put on show even if we did). I didn't say this to him though but my reaction apparently wasn't appreciative enough.

By way of background it's a significant anniversary after a year in which we almost split due to his behaviour. My gift to him was something personal that he can use and that I knew he would appreciate.

So AIBU to have just said Thanks and left it at that?? I'm not sure what else he expected from me maybe tears of joy?

OP posts:
OneMillionScovilles · 19/06/2016 10:22

I agree with OP - if it has your wedding date on, it should have your wedding location.

Gift is also naff, OP - but you know that. Still, validation +1 Smile

To all PPs on the theme of "he's a man, he does well to dress himself every day" - wow.

A wonderful (male) friend once told me "it's the poverty of your ambitions that gets you". What you settle for is exactly what you'll get.

BadgersNadgers · 19/06/2016 10:26

You should swap presents, then you both get what you wanted

Genius idea. Except the picture thing will still exist. Until it "falls" off the wall and someone accidentally trips over the dog and puts their foot through it several times

Batteriesallgone · 19/06/2016 10:29

As an aside, assuming that random town is pre-marriage pre-kids, I'd be really hurt at the 'weren't we happy then' implications some posters are reading into it.

Yes we were happy when we didn't have to get up at 6am every day with a toddler. Yes we were happy that time we spunked £2k on . Not fecking hard to be happy when you're young and life is easy is it?! Stop harking back to the days when you could pretend you had no responsibilities aside from paying the gas bill and STEP UP TO THE FUCKING PLATE AND MAKE YOUR SON SOME LUNCH YOU MANCHILD.

Ahem. Total projection there. But OP if you do feel a little like that - I get it!

Wdigin2this · 19/06/2016 10:33

I think your main resentment is, that after all the time you've been together, he still has no idea of what you'd like/not like! That's something I've occasionally felt!

EveryoneElsesMumSaidYes · 19/06/2016 10:39

Wow CountryGirl Where to start?
This has become about so much more than a naff present. My DH used to be useless at buying gifts so after much discussion he'll either give me a budget and I buy myself exactly what I want, or he'll treat me to a night out / weekend away. Which he knows I'll really enjoy.
However I think your disapointment at the gift is a bit of a red herring as there seem to be further issues in the relationship that you really need to discuss before it gets worse.
Having a young baby and lack of sleep etc. is really difficult and can break a lot of relationships.
The only thing I can really recomend is good, constuctive communication is essential. Don't get caught up in the smaller issues and be kind and supportive to each other, don't forget why you married and had children in the first place.

PandasRock · 19/06/2016 10:40

The breakfast in bed wasn't supposed to be a treat! It's the easiest way to interrupt a lie in, and since its excited children being all happy and noisy about giving a treat, it's pretty damned hard to ignore the fact you need to wake up Grin

OP, I hope you're ok. This thread has clearly dredged up a lot of different feelings and thoughts for you. Take some time to think things through. Flowers

Chewbecca · 19/06/2016 10:41

I think it is a gift from someone trying to be thoughtful which shows some hope?

Zucker · 19/06/2016 10:49

Shit present OP, slip it under the bed in it's box Grin YANBU

Petal40 · 19/06/2016 10:50

I'm lucky if I get a card😰

EmzDisco · 19/06/2016 10:52

I think I understand OP, it really doesn't matter what the gift is, how much it cost, or even how long the person thought about it. It kind of hurts when someone very close to you gets you something you feel they should know you wouldn't really like. As you say it feels like they don't really know you or really pay attention to you. That may or may not be true but that's sometimes how a bad gift can feel if given by someone you feel should know you well.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 19/06/2016 11:11

It's a shame that you don't like the gift but it has to be said that some folks are 'just crap at presents' despite their best efforts. It obviously took some thought even you're not thrilled. I always try to smile politely at whatever I receive - no matter how many pots of hand cream, shower gel, bloody scented candles I get.

Wdigin2this · 19/06/2016 11:25

The worst gift any man could buy his wife/partner, is kitchen items.......ooooh, that would really p**s me off!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/06/2016 11:25

Batteries - Thanks and Wine for you. You sound like they're needed. :)

Batteriesallgone · 19/06/2016 11:42

Aww thanks Thumb. Don't worry I am very vocal and things are much better. I'm recalling what it was like when we had DC2 and DH suddenly seemed to want to step away from the whole thing and back to single life. Started going out loads and abandoning me with the kids 'because the baby only wants you anyway'. It didn't wash!

LaContessaDiPlump · 19/06/2016 12:00

Op, I think your DH was hoping that his gift would be viewed as a massive step forward from him (Look, he REMEMBERED the past, how great is that?) and that you'd really love it and that it would go some way towards restoring harmony at home. This has not happened, so he is sad/pissed off and making it about the present rather than the situation. Understandable response from him but still rubbish for you.

Unfortunately, your helpful gift of a massage has probably made things worse as it's (I assume another instance of) you fixing things. Have your recent problems been based on you doing everything and resenting it? Your kind gift may have come across as more of you fixing his life, making him feel guilty. It's coming across as pissed off though.

Sorry op, it sounds rubbish.

Original poster
Northcountrygirl16 · 19/06/2016 12:03

Batteries you've hit the nail on the head.
Our problems were caused by him going out and generally trying to live the single life like a selfish arse.

OP posts:
Olddear · 19/06/2016 14:36

Put it up the loft 'til you can find the right skip place for it

rainbowstardrops · 19/06/2016 21:20

You need to sit him down OP and talk. Tell him you're exhausted and need help etc.
Hope things get brighter Flowers

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