To not be that excited by this gift?

[Northcountrygirl16]

DH seems annoyed that I'm not overjoyed with the anniversary gift he got me.

His gift is a framed outline of the U.K. That has our names and wedding date on and then the name of a random town we once lived in, which is not where we got married.

I thanked him for it but he seems to think my reaction wasn't gushing enough. I'm not really sure what the point of it is to tell you the truth, or what he thought I was going to do with it. We don't really have anywhere to hang it ( being honest it's not something I'd really want to put on show even if we did). I didn't say this to him though but my reaction apparently wasn't appreciative enough.

By way of background it's a significant anniversary after a year in which we almost split due to his behaviour. My gift to him was something personal that he can use and that I knew he would appreciate.

So AIBU to have just said Thanks and left it at that?? I'm not sure what else he expected from me maybe tears of joy?

I would be most unimpressed about him ordering it too late tbh! He does sound like he is unthoughtful and not taking you seriously when you tell him your tired. I do think a serious sit down chat is in order. We are both very tired, we need a plan for both of us to get a break etc.

for you op.

mrskoala those books sound the must mind numbing ever!!

You need to dump at least one kid on him. If the baby needs to be with you (young/bf) can you at least dump the other(s) literally on him, say in an excited way 'daddy is going to spend the day with you!!' Then feck off.

Yes it's miserable having to get dressed, yes it's miserable having to go sit in a random park or coffee shop for hours. But he needs it made clear to him that he needs to do more parenting.

Oh and I would be asking and asking and asking why that town alongside our wedding date. Why? What's the connection? If it's going on the wall I need to be able to explain it. If it's not going on the wall why did you buy it? Etc etc. Can't be doing with that kind of thoughtlessness.

How was it a thoughtful present when it's about their marriage, hence the date, but the town isn't the one they got married in? I'm with the OP, I don't think it was thoughtful, I think it was a last minute attempt to look thoughtful without trying at all. And a total waste of money.

Naff! I'm brutally honest with DH.

I had post baby insomnia. A book called the effortless sleep method really helped me.

OP I agree it's a crap present and he doesn't get brownie points for 'making an effort' (which he clearly didn't anyway).

I'm surprised at so many people telling you to pretend to be happy with it. I would have said straight away that it's not my thing. We need to be able to be honest with our partners and you should not have to cover up your feelings to protect his.

My dh would not get upset or angry if I didn't like his gift and I wouldn't if he didn't like mine. Because we know that it's just a mistake, not a deliberate attempt to annoy or anger each other.

There seems to be a lot of tiptoeing around to keep the peace being advocated on this thread. Just to keep the man happy. Why?

Btw I would not have wanted the massage either and would not have used that gift. Has your dh been for massages before, is that something you know he would like?

He put that particular town as its where we first lived together. Still doesn't make sense though as it would look like that's where we got married to anyone else looking at the print. I have slight " issues" with things not being "right" anyway and he should know that even if I loved the print I would be irked by the wrong place being on it.

He does like massages and has been advised to have them regularly because of a shoulder issue. He would never book them himself as they are expensive. So to my mind quite an indulgent and " care taking" gift.

Thanks for the book suggestion. I think the insomnia was caused in part by my being apprehensive about the first Father's Day since my own dad died, and then was compounded by anxiety over how tired I'm going to be today from not being able to sleep. I've had 2 hours and feel oddly wired and fully awake. I know I'm going to crash later though.

But that is a significant place: it's where you first committed to being together. Why is it the "wrong" place?

Because the print has our names, our wedding date and then the place name - which is then marked on the outline of the U.K. So is clearly meant to be the place we got married. And we didn't get married there.

And while that isn't in itself a big deal people who know me know that I have weird issues with things like that and so would be bothered by it every time I looked at it.

It isn't clearly meant to be where you got married, OP. On that, you are being unreasonable. It sounds like a naff gift, yes, but the place he chose is clearly not randomly chosen.

I do think he's a bit damned if he does/ if he doesn't.

If he'd just bought you chocolates would you HONESTLY have been happy? Ok I know you'd prefer that to your current present, but if he'd given you a box from Thorntons/ M &S/ wherever, would you not have thought 'hmm, that obviously took him 5 mins to think about' and been unimpressed with the lack of effort?

I do think from your comments the issue goes deeper and whatever he bought you wouldn't have resolved that.

.My Ex never bought me a birthday present in 8 years. The year we split up he got me a £400 diamond necklace which was horrible .Go figure.

I can see why he's annoyed. He went to some trouble to choose a place which he though was special to both of you, and you're getting ratty because you're so rigid about what would be the "right" place.

The problem is that he is thoughtless all of the time, not just on one day. They nearly separated because of his behaviour and he doesn't do any childcare.

OP is knackered and he doesn't care. I would go ahead with the separation OP if he hasn't changed his behaviour at all. At least you will get some sleep on the days that he has the children.

I've not said a word to him about the place on the print or even that I think it's naff. I thanked him and that was it. He got shirty as he seemed to expect more of a reaction.

Everything else has only been said on here.

No I wouldn't be impressed either.

I have to say that I didn't expect this thread to turn into what it has. I started it in the middle of a sleepless time and expected a few replies along the lines of " ha ha that was a naff gift". I didn't really anticipate the dissection of my marriage or the things it would make me think about.

Oh OP, sorry that you are having a tough time. As a fellow insomniac with a child that also gets up at the crack of dawn, I have that spaced out feeling you get with very little sleep too.

Maybe you should park this thread and the emotions it has brought up in an effort to deal with it all later when you are more rested?

Did posters miss the bit in the OP where she says her husband complained that a simple thank you wasn't gushing enough? if she had written that she had spent a lot of time getting a beautiful, thoughtful and expensive gift for someone no they had said thank you but not been gushing I am sure most posters would have told her to get a grip as she had been thanked and that was plenty enough etc.

OP, YANBU.

I'd love a massage. A framed outline of the UK with the wrong town on it would piss me right off.

maybe try telling him some of the things you have told us?

You should swap presents, then you both get what you wanted.

Maybe the random town is more significant to him? Were you very happy together when you were there? Maybe it's a coded message 'after this crap year, I really want us to be together again like when we lived in Random Town'.