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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take 18m old DS to a B.day party DD(3yr) has been invited?? Semi urgent as is today!!

31 replies

Eeeek686 · 18/06/2016 13:16

Just had an awful thought that I might be about to BU.... Confused

DD(3) has been invited to a party this afternoon in a village hall - no idea about numbers but i know there will be random non-number specific entertainment laid on, and probably food.... all good so far.

Problem is I have an 18m old little boy that will have to come with us as dad works weekends and we have no local help I can leave him with, and it's just occurred to me I might be able to make a bit of a party faux pas and was hoping to guage opinion??

Host knows what OH does to mean he works weekends I think but may have forgotten so may not be expecting us all.... no point asking as she will say it's fine anyway.... gah!!

Don't really know why I'm posting, just hope someone can Please reassure me it will be fine?! Blush Would you be peed off in these circs!?

OP posts:
Coconutty · 18/06/2016 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oddsocksgalore · 18/06/2016 13:18

Why don't you just call her and explain, that would be good manners.

Personally, I would not find this a problem at all.

Would bring my own food in case what's laid out isn't suitable.

happypoobum · 18/06/2016 13:19

Are you intending to stay at the party then? Don't parents normally leave?

I would take a small baby that would stay in my arms, but a child that age will want to join in. I wouldn't do it, no.

prettywhiteguitar · 18/06/2016 13:20

Txt the mum and ask her, that's the polite thing to do

Phineyj · 18/06/2016 13:20

I wouldn't mind but ideally mention the sibling when you accept the invitation in future - if everyone does it, it means you've under catered.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 18/06/2016 13:20

If ds is running around and getting in the way of activities planned, then yes I would be peed off. If you take him you need to entertain him yourself and take food for him.

SouthWestmom · 18/06/2016 13:22

I wouldn't buy there seem to be two 'host' camps:

Planned number of prizes, party bags, plates, settings etc

More of a free for all, maybe a lucky dip party bag, buffet, no places etc

So neither is wrong but it's worth checking. I had a random toddler stay for a garden party id planned and it was really irritating - no spare party bag, no spare coin for the ice cream man, wanting to go first on the games, sulking when not winning etc

NicknameUsed · 18/06/2016 13:27

"Are you intending to stay at the party then? Don't parents normally leave?"

For a three year old in a village hall I would expect parents to stay. Not many three year olds have the confidence to take themselves to the toilet on their own in unfamiliar surroundings. At that age DD would get too excited and forget to go to the loo. As the host parent I wouldn't be too happy to deal with mass accidents.

I think the right thing to do would be to contact the host and explain the circumstances. Maybe offer to bring something to entertain the toddler and something for him to eat.

pigsDOfly · 18/06/2016 13:27

Rather depends how you approach it and how well you know the host.

Obviously, you are staying with your 3 year old so there's not a lot you can do about having your 18 month DS with you. As long as you don't plonk him down on the floor and expect him to be allowed to join in the party: joining in the games, eating the food or toddling around getting in everyone's way, then I would imagine it would be okay.

If you had turned up at one of my DC parties, many years ago, with a younger DC, I would certainly have found him something to eat and depending on the type of party wouldn't have been overly worried about another child.

The children are not that far apart in age. I think a much older child turning up with you would be more of a problem.

Original poster
Eeeek686 · 18/06/2016 13:27

Thanks for replies! :)
Bugger - he would definitely be running around he is a little terror very active and into everything! Had planned on taking food for him, definitely. Happypoo yes had thought I would stay as I do think 3 is quite young still to leave but maybe I can ask mum/host which she would prefer....

Will defo text her! Prob just ends up gauging when I get there? If there's around 20+ kids it might be okay - 8 little princesses ripe for the bullying from DS not so much! Grin

Thanks again for replies.

OP posts:
RNBrie · 18/06/2016 13:29

I think it will be fine. But I'd text first. And manage expectations about food/party bags.

We've found that at three, parties are still more of a whole family affair but forth and fifth birthdays seem to be where it changes and you can't take siblings or you drop and leave the children. It's a minefield! No harm in texting to check you're OK to bring toddler.

Oddsocksgalore · 18/06/2016 13:30

Have a lovely time op.

Leggytadpole · 18/06/2016 13:30

happypoobum I don't know anyone that would leave a 3 year old at a party for the host to look after. My Reception aged child has had a lot of parties this year (children turning 5) and all parents have still stayed.

Eeeek686 it's a little late in the day but just call or text the host to ask. I wouldn't mind if I knew, but like others have said I wouldn't expect to feed the extra child or provide a party bag. Also be mindful of keeping the little one entertained if he gets in the way of the older ones party games etc.

lifesalongsong · 18/06/2016 13:33

A village hall party for a 3 year old is always going to be full of younger siblings ime and unless the party parents haven't attended any other parties they'll be expecting that however it's always polite to just text and check beforehand and confirm that you don't expect him to be provided with food or entertainment and you're planning to sit on the sidelines.

While nothing on MN surprises me I'd be amazed if anyone would object to that in the circumstances

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 18/06/2016 13:34

Let us know how you get on OP.

If it was my party DS could come and join in as long as he wasn't spoiling it for everyone else. If he became a pain I'd expect you to retrieve him without being prompted and take him outside to cool off. Key thing is to be on your toes and watching him like a hawk!

Original poster
Eeeek686 · 18/06/2016 13:46

Thanks again, all - feeling better already! Short notice is because in my head DS is still a baby so of course didn't think it would matter at all but of course meanwhile in reality time has moved on! Grin

The host, no response yet but hopeful it will be fine.... yes will let you know, two wrongs! Smile

OP posts:
HandbagHelper · 18/06/2016 13:51

I had someone ask to bring 2 additional siblings to a party. I didn't mind at all (I knew it made the Mums life easier as a single parent). Knowing in advance meant we had party bags for them too.

Sara107 · 18/06/2016 13:58

I think it's fine, but the non invited child can't expect party bags, inclusion in pass the parcel, place at tea etc. Although at 18 mths its hardly likely. When we've done hall parties there's always been enough food for baby siblings to get a biscuit or sausage roll to chew on, and nobody is going to mind a toddler pootling about on the sidelines. Unless it's a cranky one.....

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 18/06/2016 14:02

It would bother me one bit, he could join in, have food, cake etc & at that age won't expect a party bag anyway. All you need to do is make sure he's not spoiling anything for the older ones and take him out if he is.

We had one the same age LEFT at a 4 yo's party! Not even a mention of leaving the toddler - we just suddenly realise that there wasn't an adult with her. She was actually no trouble and a little sweetheart, but seriously Not The Point. Turned out she was the invited child's cousin.

starry0ne · 18/06/2016 14:06

I would of asked previously..

To be honest he difference between and 18 month old and 3 year old running around at the party will be very little difference. However if it was me I would of wanted to know previously to make sure I had enough stuff..IF everyone turns up with an extra sibling that could be an extra 20 guests and I wouldn't be able to cater for that.

Obliviated · 18/06/2016 14:07

We had a party in a hall recently for a 5th birthday. A few people bought siblings, both older and younger. I didn't mind, or notice really. There was more than enough food and I did extra party bags just incase. I was surprised when one mum asked if her extra child could go on the bouncy castle, as if anyone would say no! And then she asked if she could have a sandwich etc, I told her a few times that her dd could just join in and gave her a party bag at the end. I would feel terrible if she was worrying the whole time about her dd having a drink or having her face painted. Only one parent left, the others stayed.

happypoobum · 18/06/2016 14:09

LOL! I Must have just been dumped on then? Or maybe people think because you are a teacher it's OK to leave their DC with you and run?

I had DDs 3rd birthday party in a village hall and the only parents that stayed were my two friends who I had asked to stay and help me out. Everyone else dropped and ran!!

DS had his parties at a local sports hall which had a bar upstairs where you could look over, so a lot of parents did that.

Lweji · 18/06/2016 14:10

If you take food and entertainment for him and try to keep him away from the main party is fine.
The host may decide to include him (a good host would), but if not, then it's polite to show that you don't expect them to include him, and not to force them to.
I hope all goes well.

Janecc · 18/06/2016 14:22

Younger siblings came to big parties when DD was younger. At 18 months I wouldn't imagine your ds is going to be aware he missed out on a party bag. If he is particularly observant, you could bring a couple of goodies for him. I used to take extra party bag goodies/sweeties for the siblings at dds parties and give them cake. Not saying the mum will do that though.

Janecc · 18/06/2016 14:25

What poo nearly all the parents left at a 3 yr old party???! That's crazy they may need help with the loo, have a tantrum etc. One child was left at dds 4th birthday party. All the other parents remained.

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