Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unreasonably upset over this

123 replies

PinkyIsTheBrain · 17/06/2016 23:27

Bit upset by what I see as dm's negativity. I want to go away this summer (I am 24, living at home but soon to move out) before starting new job. Nowhere expensive, Spain etc. Her response: "oh that's expensive". I have just graduated, I want to enjoy life until work starts! (I know she means well and she does have a point - I am intending to "borrow" the money out of some savings I hold and then pay it back upon starting work.) I just feel like she is ridiculously, relentlessly practical to the point of sucking the joy out of things. She doesn't really encourage holidays or "fun" things like living together with friends - she is more concerned about practicality eg living somewhere because it is good value. I am quite grown-up and mature but she is always so anxious about things and it's sad, I feel like she should be reminding me to enjoy my youth, within reason of course. She has always been a bit like this, focusing on the negative rather than the positive and I find it quite draining!

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkyIsTheBrain · 18/06/2016 11:46

Goldacre - I absolutely can but it makes little financial sense for me to move 2 months before I start. I'll move out a week or two before I start. Thanks though for the comments, I do agree that distance will hopefully makes things easier

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 18/06/2016 11:51

I used loans and overdrafts in my 20s for stuff I wanted to do. I was always "going to pay it back" with wages, birthday money, whatever.

I finally cleared my debts 2 years ago.

I'm 44.

Be very careful OP.

KissMyArse · 18/06/2016 11:52

You have the money in your savings account and will replace it once you start work. Seeing as you already have a job lined up I don't see what the issue is. You're not taking out a loan with huge interest repayments and no job on the horizon.

I hope you have a lovely holiday.

Cornishclio · 18/06/2016 12:17

My daughters lived with us rent free for a time after university but no way would I begrudge them a holiday before starting work. We would probably even contribute to it. Go, have a nice time and then settle down into your new job and work out a savings plan for the future to save for a holiday next year or whatever - car, house etc etc. I think a lot of parents, myself included worry about our offspring getting into debt and to be fair many do. Have you explained to your mum that this overdraft/credit card/withdrawal from savings will be repaid once you start work? Make sure you borrow/take from cheapest source and do not leave yourself without any savings whatsoever. Moving and starting a new job can be expensive so make sure you know what you will need to pay out re deposit for rented property, train season ticket, bills etc for first month until you receive your first pay check.

expatinscotland · 18/06/2016 12:23

You're 24, not 18. I think taking out loans to pay for a holiday is stupid. I learned this the hard way. You bang on about how negative your mother is and how carefree and responsible you are, but you're 24 and living at home rent-free and taking money from your folks.

buckingfrolicks · 18/06/2016 12:34

That would piss me right off if my DD had your attitude OP. You need a holiday? So might your mum. Your think she's "joyless"? She may have a lot of worries and problems that's she's not sharing with you so that you can "enjoy your youth". Take your holiday after you've been in the job for a few months. Never heard of delayed gratification? YABU

JaneJefferson · 18/06/2016 12:42

I think you should take the holiday now.You are not being unreasonable. Enjoy it!

BipBippadotta · 18/06/2016 12:42

I'm with deathstare I'm afraid. I can't imagine I'd be overwhelmed with excitement for someone I was feeding and housing and putting aside money for, if they went off on a holiday with money they didn't yet have.

I have a lovely warm 'girly' relationship with my mother, but she was always very clear that I was not allowed to live in the parental home past the age of 18. After that I was an adult, and had to be self-sufficient. It was up to me how I spent my money, but it was all my own money I was spending. If you're being subsidised by your parents in any way (food, shelter, etc), they get to have (and voice) their opinions about the financial decisions you make. They have a stake in it.

SisterMoonshine · 18/06/2016 13:05

"I absolutely can but it makes little financial sense for me to move 2 months before I start."
Thanks to your mum.

BipBippadotta · 18/06/2016 13:20

Yes, quite, Moonshine.

Absentmindedwoman · 18/06/2016 13:22

Go on the holiday and enjoy yourself.

You sound like you have the right balance between sensible and hard working (have a decent job lined up, worked part time since your teens) and healthily interested in doing something nice for yourself (wants to go away and relax, see a different part of Europe, celebrate your graduation).

Travel/ going away is incredibly enriching too.

It's not a waste of money to go and do something you enjoy, if you can budget to afford it.

wheresthetea · 18/06/2016 13:29

The saving of a loan sounds iffy. The less debt you have the better, no matter the rate of interest. What if in future when they go to take repayments out of your salary you're not in as good a financial position as you had hoped e.g. an emergency has come up? Saying this as someone at 26 who has just paid off a loan which had sounded like a great idea at the time but became a weight to bear!

trafalgargal · 18/06/2016 14:03

If you have worked all through uni then did you not keep working to save for this holiday -or did you just fancy three months off after exams ?

I did have some sympathy for you until I read you were going to take out a loan "to save" I can only assume your degree is not in economics and you don't understand how interest rates work. The fact you are considering doing that is a bit of a red flag that you aren't good with money and are risking getting onto a borrowing spiral. Realistically you are going from uni where most people are skint to a graduate placement where you will be the lowest paid there and there will be new friends you make who earn more - and so will spend more 0If you want to go on holiday with them or socialize with them on a lower income (and also having to find loan repayments each month) you may find it tempting to borrow again. If it's just a common or garden ordinary holiday why waste spending money you don' really have when you could find that loan repayment means you either can't afford (or get into further debt) for something with your better paid friends next year - Majorca this year versus Maldives next for example.

As a Mum if my son (who is your age) wanted to spend money he didn't have on a jolly -after I;d let him live rent free all summer -I'd be really pissed off with him - not because he was going on holiday but because he hadn't got off his backside and earned over the summer so he didn't have to dip into the safety net money I'd saved for him to help launch him into his first new job.

Original poster
PinkyIsTheBrain · 18/06/2016 14:08

Trafalgar that's quite patronising. It's an interest-free loan of a few thousand pounds. I actually intend to put the majority of it towards a housing deposit but in the meantime while invest it into an ISA or similar. It's a job in finance so yes I do know my stuff, more or less Hmm I'm intending to "borrow" a few hundred from this loan so I don't have to spend my final summer of freedom stuck in a job when I'll be doing that in September anyway. I live frugally day to day and I do work a few hours a week anyway so I earn about £500 a month; not much but that's fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkyIsTheBrain · 18/06/2016 14:09

Loan repayments will be automatically taken from my salary each month by my employer. I've factored them into my workings out re how much I'm going to earn.

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 18/06/2016 14:14

Go enjoy your holiday Pinky, I think it makes more sense to have a break before you start work than afterwards when you will be restricted by an annual holiday entitlement, hence limiting long holidays.

trafalgargal · 18/06/2016 14:17

If you can't a holiday- How are you going to afford tor move out "a week or two before starting work"

Deposit
Month's rent in advance
Moving costs
Anything new you need to buy for your new home from bedding to pans
Fares to work for potentially 2 months (start dates and work paydays don't always coincide -it isn't unusual to work 6 weeks before getting paid in a new job if you have just missed the work cut off)
Food for up to 2 months
Work clothes
Socializing with new work mates to get to know them
Any other normal stuff you pay for like toietries, going out with existing friends
Bills, Gas, electric, TV licence , Broadband , Council Tax, water

Have you really budgeted for all this before you start work let alone get a pay cheque ?

July and August are the most expensive times of year to holiday anyway-so you could be getting into needless debt rather than setting up your new home and starting your job and having a fabulous well planned exciting holiday in a few months instead.

Oddsocksgalore · 18/06/2016 14:19

Based on your previous post op, you are defo taking the mick here!

AngryTigress · 18/06/2016 14:20

Nothing to do with her.

happypoobum · 18/06/2016 14:22

OMG OP I think you are getting a really rough ride on this thread.

If you were my DD I would be encouraging you to go and have a nice holiday before you start your graduate scheme.

I may be massively projecting here with my own "Stately Homes" issues, but how has your mother reacted to you moving so far away? It seems she puts a downer on your potential romantic relationships, holidays, anything that might "take you away" from her.

Apologies if I am on the wrong track, it just struck a nerve if you see what I mean?

Go and have fun!!

trafalgargal · 18/06/2016 14:26

You are earning £500 a month - your parents are keeping you and you can't afford to save for a holiday .........Oh and you're going to work in finance so you understand that even an interest free loan will have implications long term

I understand why your Mum isn't engaging with you over the holiday - she has clearly decided you are going to do whatever you want to do so there's no point in discussing the obvious flaws in your "plan"

loobieloo32 · 18/06/2016 14:28

Just throwing this out there...

Instead of going on a normal holiday, could you not work as a rep so you will be earning money and still be getting away? Or maybe even a charitable organisation volunteering? Just a thought that might compromise on both points of view?

NerrSnerr · 18/06/2016 14:33

At 24 you're older than a typical graduate. Have you done 2 degrees, a postgrad or had a few years working? Have you supported yourself for the last 6 years or have your parents helped?

It's a huge luxury to be living rent free aged 24 and as a parent I'd be pissed off if I was supporting a grown adult to supposedly save for housing and they bugger off on holiday.

When you move out you can do what you want with money but I think it's fair enough your mum has a say when she is feeding and supporting you.

trafalgargal · 18/06/2016 14:38

Far too late for a rep job now - they recruit in January for the summer season and expect to employ people from May to October - not sure a 12 to 18 hour day would be quite what the OP was thinking of from her "last summer of freedom"

loobieloo32 · 18/06/2016 14:44

I'm sure Thomson are still recruiting on 18-30 my friends daughter was on about it the other day but could be wrong x just a thought anyway!