Report to SS or not?

[agirlhasnomoney]

I'm in two minds about whether to report some neighbors to SS.... or not.

Some close neighbors of ours have arguments, as we all do lets face it.
But these seem to be on a whole other level and are putting me on high alert.
they are real humdinger arguments of the 'fuck you, you piece of no good worthless piece of shit' variety) on a daily basis.
The 5 year old son is witness to all the arguments. And is often heard by the neighbor (me) trying to placate both parents.
Every time these neighbors argue, I can hear the small child crying.

Report?
Or not?

I don't know what to do.

What would you do?

lookatyourwatchnow i understand far more than i ever want to when it comes to SS and i believe that it would take a lot more than arguing for them to be genuinely concerned

Ps in my school I think that ( at least) the teachers would talk to the children about how adults' problems are not the child's responsibility. It would have helped me to be told that.

I'm conflicted.
On the one hand i'm thinking:
Young family, under enormous pressure, with possible added complication of mother with pnd. Who definitely don't need interfering busy bodies causing trouble for them

or
Young Child A Risk.
That I did nothing about.

Its obviously a fine line.
but where is that fine line?

i think there's an awful lot of naive placation here of your intention to call SS because your neughbours have been arguing. What in the world makes you think that would help their stress levels at home, or help keep the little boy safe and secure? I think if you genuinely wanted to help, it would be local HV team. SS is far too extreme to be of help. Who needs an investigation unless there;s a serious serious concern here? Far too many petty referrals at the moment. HV, or talk to them yourself. It's awfully naive to think that SS don't act too fast. Especially if she has PND. Look up Lucy Allan. And no, I know my view is un-PC, but I also know of the horrors that can be inflicted on an already stretched family by something like it. Only do it if you're completely sure. I don't think that threshold is met.

This. Many times over.
We had SS involvement with our newborn. it was the single most stressful thing I have ever dealt with and its has changed the way I feel about anyone in a position of authority. In our case DD had a birth mark that looked a bit like a bruise. Called in 'just in case'. (Nothing in our history that would have caused any concern). Long story but I still get upset when I think about the stress they caused.

Call the local HV team. Call NSPCC if you have to. Or talk to your neighbours? Don't get ruddy SS involved.

At Risk.

Tell the school then butt out
Don't revel in the dilemma

I'm conflicted

I totally hear this op and I apologise if my comment was unhelpful. I've seen someone dear to me be falsely accused and although ss were lovely and saw no concern, it was a scary and serious time- I probably projected my pain over this into my comment.

I think nspcc will give you more sensible advice than us lot on mn and you can do that anonymously

OP, it's definitely NOT ok to be behaving like that in front of a child... i don't believe SS will do much about it, personally, though i could be wrong... do you see any indications of abuse/neglect or is it literally just the arguing that has caused you concern ? PND can be managed, all the swear words under the sun don't necessarily make her a bad parent, just a parent who's making the wrong choices, which PND is a bastard for.

hmm.
If i'm wrong it could be catastrophic to the family.

I've read all your responses and I don't think aurguing is a good enough reason to call SS.
Even though there is a lot of swearing.

Think I will give them the benefit of the doubt.
Hopefully they will resolve things.

borntohula I don't really care about the 'mother' to be honest. The children are what matters here

Tell the school
You are not the right person to judge
The head teacher should have the information

I've made a decision.
I won't call SS.
But if I hear another argument in the next couple of days, (where the child is crying)
then I will call, without a doubt.

Can't get any fairer than that.

I may still tell the school.

mum, well that's fair enough, i find that a pretty horrible attitude, maybe you should read a few of the threads on here started by mothers who are struggling... of course the welfare of the children is important but there's something wrong with your ability to empathise if you don't think the mental wellbeing of their mother matters.

Schools are well placed to put these things in context and react proportionately
Write- the information flow is one way only

You have a clear duty to do something, because safeguarding is everybody's responsibility. However, I can't help but agree that social service involvement is horribly stressful and sometimes counter productive. This shouldn't be the case

I think taking to the hv and/or school is a pretty good compromise.

Please don't just decide to turn a blind eye OP. Please do listen to the posters who have said to speak to the school - let them be the ones to decide what happens next - they will be able to keep an eye out on the little boy.

As a mother myself, I'm trying to take a compassionate (to the parents) approach as well.

Parents can be under tremendous stress. I remember that well.
Which is why I wanted to make absolutely sure I wasn't doing the wrong thing by automatically reporting this family to the SS.

I'm please I came on here. It's made me think.

I would call them. With the regularity of arguments and ages of children and the child crying the likely hood of harm (emotional) is high.
If ss investigate and dont find anything needs to be done I don't think you can make things worse, it sounds pretty bad already

TwoLittle,
Rest assured, I'm not going to turn a blind eye.

I will be monitoring things very closely.
If it happens again, I will report, no questions asked.
The child will come first. without a doubt.

this instance? I'm not so sure if I would be making the right call if I were to report them. I could be causing more harm to the family.

It won't be catastrophic to the family. What do you think will happen? And how can you be 'wrong'? Either you hear these arguments or you don't. It not acceptable, pass the info on and let them assess, or not.

I hate threads like this when there's clearly something wrong and posters say ' what do you think SS will do?'

The whole point is no one knows what they will do as no one knows if the family is already known to them. So report and leave it to SS to do what they like with the information, don't try and second guess what they will or won't do.

Maybe the dad can get some support? Sounds like he might need it

The trouble with 'threads like this'
is that most of us, myself included, have ourselves been parents under pressure in the past.
So we are conflicted as to what to do.

I know from my own point of view, I am seeing things from the parents' pov, but I also have the child's interests at heart.

My wonderful, beautiful son is living with my Mum at the moment because I have failed him. She says One of his choice phrases when he wants to talk is 'shut the fuck up'. He's three. Please report it.