Report to SS or not?

[agirlhasnomoney]

I'm in two minds about whether to report some neighbors to SS.... or not.

Some close neighbors of ours have arguments, as we all do lets face it.
But these seem to be on a whole other level and are putting me on high alert.
they are real humdinger arguments of the 'fuck you, you piece of no good worthless piece of shit' variety) on a daily basis.
The 5 year old son is witness to all the arguments. And is often heard by the neighbor (me) trying to placate both parents.
Every time these neighbors argue, I can hear the small child crying.

Report?
Or not?

I don't know what to do.

What would you do?

Do you know which school the child goes to? Look at the uniform....id try going in to the school in person and talking to the head in confidence....then it's not your call to ss.school won't be able to say much to you. But will know where to go for help.

Petal I do know what school the child goes to.
I started to fill the form in and when I got to the 'school' bit I couldn't bring myself to press send.
Because, what if I'm wrong?

God I hate this.
I could cause all sorts of trouble for that family if I'm wrong

If in doubt report it. ss will investigate if they think it's necessary, but you will have done your bit.

But what do I say?

I report this family simply because they 'argue'?

I would make an anonymous call and leave it to the professionals to offer support and help. That poor boy & baby shouldn't be hearing this x

If there are no problems in the family in need of intervention, SS won't do anything more than investigate. I hate how on here people think calling SS will break a family up. They are there to try and keep families together and provide support and only after all avenues have been exhausted would they look at "breaking the family up".

If in doubt, report.

SS are there for when a child is at risk of harm... are they at risk ?

I will report.
Hopefully the family will get help.

Children listening to that level of argument every 2 days on average is not ok.

There was a huge issue with some parents at dd's previous school, I won't go into detail as I do not want to put myself. Most of the other mums gossiped about the situation but said nothing.

One day I witnessed an incident that made me uncomfortable. I spoke to both my DM and DH because I was torn on what to to do. In the end I decided to speak to the school. The teacher was horrified, I must admit once I started talking everything I had heard came tumbling out. She reported it to SS, I agreed they could contact me if needed.

SS rang me approx an hour later. It turns out the family were known to SS. The SW I spoke with took all of the information from me and asked if I would be a witness if needed, I agreed but wanted to remain anonymous as long as possible as I was concerned that the parents would kick off in front of my DC's. SS agreed and to this day the parents don't know it was me that instigated what happened that day.

Sorry went off on a bit of a ramble! If you are concerned about the DC and worried about contacting SS direct speak to the school, they can take it further for you.

Gosh yes, report!! No child should listen to that

PND or not, she is not a good mother

PND or not, she is not a good mother

are you joking ? everything you know about this woman is based on what you've read here - do you have any idea how horrible PND can be ?

Honestly I wouldn't call ss unless you fear this child is in danger. You could potentially ruin the lives of a family because you are social services happy. It's horrible for the child to hear I understand but I doubt very much these arguments happen every day where they are calling each other a fucking piece of shit at the top of their lungs, I think you're most likely exaggerating there.

Once you have social services on your tail they are stuck there. Be wise who you decide to report.

i think there's an awful lot of naive placation here of your intention to call SS because your neughbours have been arguing. What in the world makes you think that would help their stress levels at home, or help keep the little boy safe and secure? I think if you genuinely wanted to help, it would be local HV team. SS is far too extreme to be of help. Who needs an investigation unless there;s a serious serious concern here? Far too many petty referrals at the moment. HV, or talk to them yourself. It's awfully naive to think that SS don't act too fast. Especially if she has PND. Look up Lucy Allan. And no, I know my view is un-PC, but I also know of the horrors that can be inflicted on an already stretched family by something like it. Only do it if you're completely sure. I don't think that threshold is met.

and i wouldn't hold your breath re SS... a child has to be considered at risk of harm and i can tell you from personal experience, their idea of harm and yours might be two completely different things.

Those posters who are naively minimising these arguments as 'not that bad' don't understand the long term implications for children who live in environments where they witness their parents screaming at each other that they are fucking cunts every day, and having to intervene to placate them. And they don't understand children's services 'investigations' as one poster phrased it.

Honestly I wouldn't call ss unless you fear this child is in danger. You could potentially ruin the lives of a family because you are social services happy. It's horrible for the child to hear I understand but I doubt very much these arguments happen every day where they are calling each other a fucking piece of shit at the top of their lungs, I think you're most likely exaggerating there.

I understand exactly what you're saying. Which is why I have gone on to the SS form twice now and still cannot bring myself to press send.

This is what I want to know. Am I exaggerating?

What is the tipping point?

If the OP had posted on here and said her partner speaks to her like this, she would firmly be told to leave. Why is it more acceptable for a child, who has no choices, to live like that?

lookatyourwatchnow what do you honestly think SS are going to do ? i don't want to give too much away but i called them once for advice regarding dc's father who was on bail for a very serious crime. i was pretty much advised that it was up to me whether or not dc saw him or not... you think they're going to start removing children because their parents argue ?

borntohula,
I'm thinking that if I say something, it could add to a bigger picture.
At the least.

Think carefully before you report them. The effects on a family of an anonymous call (even if SS ultimately see no concern) can be catastrophic.
I'm not saying don't..... just those on mn who say 'call ss' perhaps don't consider the reality of the effects of that call.

Borntohula. Where did I say that SS would remove the children? This is what I mean OP, about posters not understanding the role of SS. There is a huge spectrum of involvement in between no further action and removing children .

OP, in reality, SS are likely to do little about the information, should there be no other concerns aside from what we know. However, you are right in terms of the bigger picture should there be more issues at a later date.

The child is witnessing domestic abuse. Yes report it and let the SW do their job.

Do not be discouraged by folk on here. They may well already be known to SS

Hi OP

My family argued like that and I spent a lot of time trying to placate them. obviously I still bar the emotional scars.

Would a report from a neighbour to children's services have helped? I don't know. It's not funny but I almost laugh at the idea of my parents " getting the help they need".

I do not know anything about social services but I do now have the privilege of working in a primary school one day aweek. In your position I would write a letter to the head of the school telling her what you have told us. If they do their job well you will not get any response other than a thank- you. It will be got them to decide what to do next and they are the people who know the child.