AIBU not to go on holiday with the in laws?

[laidbackneko]

DP's parents have a annual tradition of going to a particular holiday destination since DP was born.

When DP and I got together four years ago, I was invited to join them and for a couple of years this became our annual holiday destination too.

However, last year I decided to go somewhere different as I only get one good stretch of holiday time a year and I wanted to experience new and different parts of the world.

This caused a lot of tension in DP's family and they were very displeased with me. After a lot of hoo-ha, DP decided to go on holiday with his parents again instead of joining me.

I'm pretty independent so I didn't mind going alone and had a brilliant time.

The same problem has come up again this year.

DP has decided though, this time, to come with me. And his parents are very upset.

I really don't want to cause problems between DP and his parents. And it's definitely not a case of rejecting their company which I have tried to explain - we visit them several times a year and telephone regularly. It's just that I don't want to go on the same holiday every year. And now neither does DP.

I'm being accused of being divisive and splitting the family unit up.

And while I understand that it's an unwelcome change to a long established family tradition, I also think it's a bit unreasonable of DP's parents to dictate our holidays.

Who is BU and WWYD?

insan1tyscartching, you can run but you can't hide!

marge unfortunately one of the issues is that mil has a fear of flying which is why the SOF works for them as they can drive and take the ferry. And most of the places on the travel wish list are impractical by ferry.

This was me a few years go, although we did have holidays alone.
A couple of years ago I 'couldn't get the time off work' went on a spa break with a mate and DH went alone. This broke the cycle, we didn't go at all for 2 years then last year we went for a long weekend.

Could you fly down for a long weekend?

I've also stopped the OTT christmas presents, I know they think I'm stingy but I don't care.

See, this is the problem with in-laws.

They think you should want to spend time with them. But they are your in-laws?!

Would they have wanted to spend their only holidays with their in-laws? Probably not.

Especially as you only get one vacay per year.

They'll get over it.

Please don't tell me you drove down to the south of France with them previously? OP you're a saint.

I went camping with my inlaws once. CAMPING.

It was awful.

FIL insisted that we have super elaborate meals which he detailed on an Excel sheet - think soup to start, lamb steaks and baby veg for main, cheese and a proper dessert, wine to match the courses. Great, but imagine cooking all that over a Primus Stove!? Plus he lost the plot when we bought lamb chops instead of lamb steaks.

Never again.

navy no, they're not hugely well off but DP earns fairly well so I think there's a bit of an expectation of presents for the whole family (including DB, SIL and 2DNs) that they wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. Then when I came along, (also have a well paying career) the same was expected of me.

My own family are very different and it's a running joke that a card and a panic gift bought on Xmas Eve is a bloody good effort! So I guess it's just what you're used to really.

apocalypse yes indeed I did. All sixteen hours of it.

Ah loopy!
YANBU at all.
As an aside I was looking at flights in August to Marseille and midweek it's coming in at £280 for 2 of us. With BA. It doesn't solve the annual leave problem and I really think you've done enough to indulge PIL!

Yanbu. DP needs to grow a pair.

oldlaund chops on a camping stove? Tsk tsk.

Do you spend Christmas together yet? You are royally stuffed when you want to create your own traditions there

YANBU at all. It might be dead handy if you eventually have kids though to be able to rock up to a house where its all a known quantity and people will muck in. certainly easier to drive when you are transporting ten tons of kid stuff around the place

So in short it might be handy if your DP managed the message a bit about seeing the world before settling down. Of course you two might never "settle down" and want to spend it with the PIL's again but it might soften the blow a little.

I have similar issues with Christmas gifts. Madness.

They sound incredibly dull!

I went away with my in laws once - never again. He is a buffoon and she puts up with him treating her like she's helpless. It was bloody embarrassing to see it. When challenged about his behaviour she just said its just his way he doesn't mean anything by it. More fool her then.

My friends DH parents have gone to Cornwall for 2 weeks every year in July for over 40 years. Ever since my friend met him 13 years ago she (and now the kids) have had to join them. Every year she says it's her last but ends up going again, I honestly think it's ridiculous put your foot down now OP.

YA SOO NBU!! Stand your ground over it, and I hope your DP does too.

I wouldnt recommend extended family holiday with DCs.

Stick to your guns.

We drove to Spain with PiL. Never, ever, ever again. It only took to the first service station for us to realise that rather than taking Grandparents to help with children we had taken children to help with Grandparents.

At each subsequent service station stop we had to get a DC to tag along with a GP to make sure they (the GPs) didnt wander off.

I'm quite shocked that your DP didn't break away from this holiday habit years ago, OP. However, the sulking and so on must have made him feel really guilty.

However, once children become adults, it should be expected that they will want to have their own holidays and want to go to different places. Joint holidays only work well when everyone is considerate, wants to be with each other, and have the same taste in holidays.

If you only get one opportunity a year for decent length of holiday, it really has to be your choice of destination.

I just knew as I read down the posts, that there would be an issue with Christmas as well!

Haha, holidays...Xmas...Easter...birthdays... all a minefield!

I dealt with the inlaws/holiday situation by going along and accidentally on purpose making myself objectionable company by being vocal in my shock at all of their bigoted, daily fail informed opinions on current affairs 😜

They'll be a bit upset for a while but they'll get over it and have a nice holiday and next year there won't be the same expectation. Life changes, things move on. if they want to be upset by a reasonable decision let them be. Some people enjoy having something to moan about.
You are adults now you decide what you want to do. They can still decide to get upset if they choose but it is their choice, not your fault.

Yadnbu

You're not even stopping DH from going with them! So they can't accuse you of ripping their precious boy away!

DH needs to have an adult discussion with them and explain that he loves them and has great memories of holidays with them to this place but wants to go on holiday somewhere else with you this year and probably in the future as well.

Wreckingball it's a bit strange really. I don't mind at all if DP goes on holiday with them as I'm more than happy to do my own thing.

But his parents are upset because it's not the "done thing" to go on separate holidays if you're a couple.

I think it's a case of them having quite old fashioned values and something about my way of thinking makes them nervous.

Don't even get me started on wedding ideas! I'd happily get married in a RO with a pub lunch reception. However this idea did NOT go down well...

Imperial that's exactly it , I suppose I should be pleased they obviously like my company. I very often get a phone call "Hi Mutt, got a couple of days off be with you in half an hour" (they've already driven 2 hours by then ) Mind you they contribute whilst they are there and are good fun to have around so it isn't a hardship really.