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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if this is normal?

44 replies

DreamCloud99 · 15/06/2016 07:52

Not a day goes by where there is not some sort of drama or tantrum in my house.

I have almost 5 year old twins .

Getting ready for pre school each morning is awful . They whine , they cry , they shout they scream . I shout and get cross .

One twin is particularly difficult - refuses to get dressed without help . Even with help it turns in to a battle as he doesn't want this on first , he wants this done last etc .

The other twin is currently having a huge whiny crying drama because he can't "reach" his cup - he can! In fact , he is actually touching the cup - he is just stamping and whining and saying he can't. He does this all the time with various things - It drives me up the wall !

They can both be rude and one twin stood on my bare foot deliberately with his clunky shoes because he needed more room

They are both now in their bedrooms screaming as a result of their rudeness and unwillingness to cooperate .

I've tried offering choices , rewards, stickers etc. It lasts a day or two but they are so stubborn it never lasts long.

Is anyone else's household like this daily ?

I worry about what my neighbours think.

Or are you all calm and serene and your little darlings trot off to school with a smile on their face and wonder in their hearts?

OP posts:

MLGs · 15/06/2016 07:58

First of all and yes, morning routine ishard for most people.

One thing that leapt out is that you say you get cross and shout. And you then go on to complain that the kids are shouting, screaming and getting cross.

I know it's hard (and we all get cross sometimes despite best efforts) but shouting at them will make them think it's ok to do this and lose their temper when they don't get their way.

Show them that "we don't shout and scream" but modeling this yourself and ignoring the tantrums.

branofthemist · 15/06/2016 08:23

I would say it's not normal, as in it happens to everyone. But it's common.

Dd (12) has always got ready like a dream. No tantrums etc. It was clearly down to my superior parenting

Except ds turned up (5 and a half) and proved it was not my superior parenting. Dd was just easy.

Ds has chilled out a lot since starting full time school. I don't know why but the tantrums are far less. One thing we did do was tell him once he would be late for school (he hates being late) and ignored him til he calmed down.

CatsRule · 15/06/2016 08:33

My ds isn't at school yet but a lot of what you said happens in our house. I agree in theory to try to not be shouty as that only teaches them that it's acceptable...in practice I don't alwayd manage that! It's very frustrating when they have meltdowns over which pair of pants or wanting jeans on before the top etc...my ds does this a lot! And the whine...it drives me mad! We have new neighbours and it does worry me what they might think is happening in our house when ds has these tantrums. No idea how you manage with 2...that's not helpful I know and I don't have many answers. I count to ten one million a lot

Topseyt · 15/06/2016 08:36

Absolutely normal.

Mine are a lot older than that now, but I remember it very well indeed.

When my DD1 was that age I remember turning up in her room at 8.30am with a bag for her school uniform. I began putting pieces of said uniform in the bag saying that I would walk her to school as she was (pyjama bottoms at that point) if she continued to be uncooperative and she could change once there. She knew I meant it and she suddenly managed to get dressed. Somehow we got out just about on time 5 minutes later.

I developed various other ploys too, but that was the main one.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 15/06/2016 08:39

Very normal. Went on for years in our house. At least till secondary school. It was quite amazing that a fight could start from nowhere! But it does get better eventually, I promise you.

Laiste · 15/06/2016 08:41

If every day is shouty then yes, i'd say it's time to address the stress

Can you tweak your routine? Look at when or where the worst flash points always occur and change things up a bit? When i had 3 littlies to get to school i found it was worth getting up half an hour to an hour earlier and getting a military routine into place. Same thing every school morning without fail. Boring, but makes the day go so much better. Kids seem to take to routine in the mornings quite well, and yes, as others have said, try to lead the way with showing temper control I know this might sound daft but we used to sing a lot together while we were doing our stuff Kids can't argue and sing at the same time :)

DollyBarton · 15/06/2016 08:44

Pretty normal stuff I'd say. Just wondering if they get enough sleep? Maybe they are but if not, this can lead to the most difficult of difficult days with mine and the whining, fighting and misery starts early on those days.

ImperialBlether · 15/06/2016 08:45

Are you giving them breakfast before they get dressed? Do they make a mess if they eat in their clothes? I used to boil eggs and get them to get dressed in the three minutes it took for the eggs to boil - it focused their minds.

Do they get particularly ratty when they're hungry? If so ignore the above and feed them first.

Are you allowing enough time in the morning? It's tempting to start the morning later but if they're pushed into acting faster than they want to, it's not worth it.

DreamInterrupted · 15/06/2016 08:47

I hear you. I also have nearly 5 year old twins. I just keep repeating to myself 'It's only a phase, it's only a phase'. Pure joy when they are in bed asleep.

WhatALoadOfWankers · 15/06/2016 09:08

It's normal

Sadik · 15/06/2016 09:22

It's completely normal.

I know someone whose kids were out of school for a while, she said the single best thing about home education (and she was quite enthusiastic about it in general) was not having to get them out the door for a set time in the morning!

They do grow out of it though, just hang in there . . .

Original poster

DreamCloud99 · 15/06/2016 09:27

Phew !

I'm pleased it's not only me

I completely agree on the shouty front

In my defence , today I managed to slightly seethe and just picked them up and put them in their rooms and then firmly discussed their behaviour with them ...

Or maybe I'm loud in general and it was still shouty

OP posts:

coco1810 · 15/06/2016 11:11

Absolutely normal OP. I thank the good god that I now get both kids out to school with at least only one major break out of nuclear war. But then my DC are 12 and 7. It will get easier....... Honestly

decaman · 15/06/2016 11:22

I'm fortunately just getting out of this phase. It's grim!

Things that I think helped are: a checklist for each so they know what they need to do (with clipart if they don't read yet), no breakfast until checklist is complete ie teeth, dressed etc. Focus on one child at a time, don't rush from one to the other and back again. The first one ready gets to choose breakfast. Tell them that if they don't get ready they'll be going in their PJs and everyone will point & laugh (never make a threat you are not prepared to carry through). Don't engage with the mindgames - I just say that I'm here to help if you want proper help but if you're going to mess about I'm going to brush my teeth.
Get yourself ready first & try not to shout too much. Good luck!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 15/06/2016 12:15

Just to reassure you, my 7 year old twins are much better now.....oh I forgot the tears and tantrums this morning due to 'he's LOOKING AT ME!' and too much toothpaste on the brush. That one elicited actual proper tears

reassuring I'm sure

Wotshudwehave4T · 15/06/2016 12:43

I am in the same boat- hurrah I am not alone! I've been told it's because they are ready for school(start in sept), need more stimulus are growing up and just testing everything. I'm hoping so and try not to shout and get into the minutiae of each contradiction or reason why they can't do anything suggested to them. Sometimes I let the first to eat all their breakfast choose from the selection of tops and trousers usually 2 ie 4 of each, but am aware this could make them more competitive. I point at the clock right above the kitchen table and say if you eat and dress by X you have time for 10 mins to before nursery, if not we have no time to watch it and I stick to it, pointing out look 2 mins etc, it sounds draconian. Last night at bedtime they would not stay still to get changed into pjs, jumping, hiding, pushing, teddy throwing, I had to leave the room as I was so cross. I said they had to get changed themselves as they wouldn't let me do it and when I came back in 5 mins if they weren't ready there would be no stories and cuddles. Luckily they'd done it. I heard banging etc and feared the bookcase contents etc tipped out and a mess, but I think they knew I was so mad, but I walked away with a threat they knew I meant rather than shouting. Good luck, your post has made me feel better just to know I'm not alone as my old tricks of getting cooperation don't work anymore. I dig my thumb into the edge of the palm of my other hand between the thumb and forefinger- it feels like cramp -when I'm about to blow and I find it does help to stop me shouting/calm a bit before going in for another round of trying to get them on side

Amnesiac · 15/06/2016 13:56

Ok let me think of ways of making it easier ....
Nope, ... can't think of any. There is a different dynamic with twins - that is, they know what to do without communicating verbally. I can almost hear a 'click' when they're getting ready to start (taking the piss that is).
Can you threaten to withhold CBeebies & if necessary carry it through? X

SplinteryBottom · 15/06/2016 13:58

I have nearly 5 yo twins. I hear you.

Our mornings have actually got better (mostly) through me making life easy wherever possible.

So all bags packed and uniform laid out night before. Occasionally DS will just get up and get himself dressed unprompted. It makes for an early start but solves one stage. Tooth/hairbrushes etc down stairs so done last thing at kitchen sink before we walk out of the door.

Easy breakfasts. I gave up on cereal ages ago for preschool mornings as DD is so biblically slow. Banana and blueberries. Yakult or smoothie. Brioche or quick toast. Not going to win any nutrition prizes but I can usually shoehorn so protein and vitamins in and don't have to grit my teeth for 40 minutes of milk spilling and whining.

And to be honest, I have been known to just pick up my car keys and start wlkaing out the front door when they're really mucking abuot and not ready in time.

SplinteryBottom · 15/06/2016 13:59

Oh, and taking hte TV out of ht kitchen,, That's been a biggie.

Diddlydokey · 15/06/2016 14:00

I bribe with the TV. He can watch Duggee and Boj before we leave the house if he is dressed in time.

nutbrownhare15 · 15/06/2016 14:00

Ahaparenting.com may be useful

Diddlydokey · 15/06/2016 14:01

Sorry, just to add, once Boj is finished he turns the TV off, brushes his teeth, shoes on and we get in the car. This takes about 15 minutes as I'm faffing around opening curtains.

fassone · 15/06/2016 14:09

Normal morning here. I have one almost 5yo. It's hit and miss, some mornings it's hellish getting him out of the house. Others are ok. It appears to depend on his wildly fluctuating mood.
TV is banned on preschool mornings but that doesn't matter. He will find something else to fixate on.

I'm impressed they can try to dress themselves. DS won't, and the threat of going in pyjamas is met with a screaming meltdown, rendering any way of getting dressed impossible.

idontlikealdi · 15/06/2016 17:37

I've got almost 5yo twins and it sounds pretty standard to me! I get them dressed it just makes for an easier life:)

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 15/06/2016 18:01

I have taken one twin to school in his PJs - uniform in his bag - it only happened once

He thought I would just take him home

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