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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if this is normal?

44 replies

DreamCloud99 · 15/06/2016 07:52

Not a day goes by where there is not some sort of drama or tantrum in my house.

I have almost 5 year old twins .

Getting ready for pre school each morning is awful . They whine , they cry , they shout they scream . I shout and get cross .

One twin is particularly difficult - refuses to get dressed without help . Even with help it turns in to a battle as he doesn't want this on first , he wants this done last etc .

The other twin is currently having a huge whiny crying drama because he can't "reach" his cup - he can! In fact , he is actually touching the cup - he is just stamping and whining and saying he can't. He does this all the time with various things - It drives me up the wall !

They can both be rude and one twin stood on my bare foot deliberately with his clunky shoes because he needed more room

They are both now in their bedrooms screaming as a result of their rudeness and unwillingness to cooperate .

I've tried offering choices , rewards, stickers etc. It lasts a day or two but they are so stubborn it never lasts long.

Is anyone else's household like this daily ?

I worry about what my neighbours think.

Or are you all calm and serene and your little darlings trot off to school with a smile on their face and wonder in their hearts?

OP posts:

dowhatnow · 15/06/2016 18:14

I also found when I once took DD to nursery wrapped only in a blanket because she refused to get dressed, she was far more cooperative from then on!

I also never threatened anything I wasn't prepared to carry out. In fact I would count to 3 and say that there would be a consequence if something wasn't done by then. I never said what the consequence would be so that

A. I had time to think of something appropriate without making rash threats in a hurry, that I later regretted.
B. They couldn't choose whether it was worth the consequence or not because they didn't know what it was.
and
C. I could say things like "well we were going to go to the park but now we're not" when really I had no intention of going to the park anyway.

But if I got to 3 there was always a consequence. Consistency was the key. They soon learn not to bother pushing you. Occasionally they'd regress but a couple of minor consequences soon reminded them.

pudcat · 15/06/2016 18:22

I had a six year brought into my class in her pyjamas once as she wouldn't get dressed.

pudcat · 15/06/2016 18:23

six year old

CodyKing · 15/06/2016 18:33

Did she do it again?

grannytomine · 15/06/2016 18:59

I put very stroppy, controlling 5 year in the car in his pjs and drove him to school. After much begging and pleading I agreed to take him home to get dressed if he promised not to play up in the mornings again. He always got dressed for school without a problem after that. This was 40 years ago, probably child abuse now.

dowhatnow · 15/06/2016 19:01

You only have to do it once!

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 15/06/2016 19:14

I keep my 2 in separate rooms while they get ready at the first sign in any silly business. It kind of works.

As for the cup nonsense I wouldn't bite. If you can't reach it you can't drink it.

When we have a good morning or a very bad morning I make a point of discussing it and how we feel about it later that evening. They actually don't like the bad mornings either. So we talk together about good morning routines, what I expect of them etc. It does get through. We still have blips of course.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 15/06/2016 19:15

I keep my 2 in separate rooms while they get ready at the first sign in any silly business. It kind of works.

As for the cup nonsense I wouldn't bite. If you can't reach it you can't drink it.

limon · 15/06/2016 19:17

Shouting at them will just make it worse Imo. Have you tried other things?

emopod · 15/06/2016 19:25

Oh dear. I've 3-yo twins. I was hoping it would be marginally better than it is now by the time they're 5! I guess there's a longer haul ahead.

Original poster

DreamCloud99 · 15/06/2016 19:31

I've tried everything I can possibly think of...

One twin wakes to every morning without fail whining . About nothing - just a crying whiny voice and refuses to tell me what the problem is . I then ignore him and it escalates to a full blown tantrum.

I do help them get dressed - but they will still whine and refuse . I'll then leave them to it and more screaming

Bedtime has started .... Wish me luck !

OP posts:

Original poster

DreamCloud99 · 15/06/2016 19:31

Oh there's a surprise - twin 1 is two tired to walk up the stairs and his legs don't work

He's lying on the floor .... Sigh !

OP posts:

Original poster

DreamCloud99 · 15/06/2016 19:31

Too

OP posts:

Juanbablo · 15/06/2016 19:32

Mornings are usually ok here but bedtimes are currently an absolute shitstorm. Dc3 has been a terrible sleeper since day 1 but periodically goes through bedtime refusal phases. All 3 dc share a room so we do a staggered bedtime. This relies on everyone being co operative. Dc3 has been in bed for almost an hour and is absolutely furious. He's actually not in bed he's at the stairgate going mental. Dd has had to go to bed in my room but isn't happy about it and I can hear her talking. Ds1 is down here with me and won't shut up. Dh is away. I feel like my brain is about to turn inside out!!

SabineUndine · 15/06/2016 19:36

It sounds to me as though there's a competition going on for your attention. Is that possible?

poorbuthappy · 15/06/2016 20:04

My twins are 7. I also have an 11 year old.
Mornings are fraught and I have recognised that I make it worse. Some mornings I simply decide not to shout.
Other mornings I do shout.

It's not about routines or anything. It's about reacting to a child who for whatever reason is struggling with something.

Mornings I don't shout are so much nicer.

disclaimer: if they hurt each other or are rude then they are of course dealt with!

Shadow1986 · 15/06/2016 22:42

I saw your thread title and thought this was going to be about baby/toddler twins as i definitely found it hard to leave the house at that age. Now they are 4 I find it slightly better. Are they getting enough sleep? Sounds like they are still acting very tired in the mornings? I usually have a problem with one of my twins getting dressed in mornings, sometimes I help her, sometimes I don't and I get cross, sometimes i try play a game and put a song on and see if she can get ready before the song finishes - I muddle through everyday!
Don't feel alone, having twins is seriously hard work

Shadow1986 · 15/06/2016 22:44

Also I don't know what time you get up, but I've been setting my alarm and getting up about 40 mins earlier than before and find my stress levels 100% better just by giving myself more time and everything's not so rushed etc.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 15/06/2016 22:59

When my dd (now 5) was 4 she used to, what I would call, slug.

She would get through the the entry door to the flats and declare she was too tired for one flight of stairs. And collapse. And crawl one flight of stairs. And the drag herself by hand into the flat. And then slug her way into the living room. All very slowly.

It was very hard not to laugh.
I admired her persistence.
Then one day she gave it all up.

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