Hubby watching porn

[SarahJane333]

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but yesterday morning I took the children to school, normally this would take about 35 minutes but I decided to drop them and leave as I couldn't get parked so I arrived home 15 minutes early. Dh normally leaves for work either just before I leave for school or just after but he was still at home. He was so startled when I walked in, rushing to put his clothes on and overly chatty about how early I was. After a few minutes I told him I thought he was acting shifty and wanted to know what was going on. He said nothing, was all lovely and affectionate and left for work. He pops back in twice for different reasons, meaning he's now going to be very late for work - something which can't happen when I want a hand with the school run. I think he was hoping to get hold of the laptop to delete the search history, which I've checked and shows he was watching porn. Now is it just me or is that a really strange thing to do at that time of the morning?!

Aibu to be really hurt that I'm rushing around getting our 3 children to school plus looking after our ebf baby and he's sat at home, by himself, having a wank? Not to mention that I'm not very happy with my body at the moment but I'm still making an effort, we had sex two days ago. Plus the dishonesty, he knew I knew something was off, I asked him what was going on and he acted like I was being paranoid, which I'm not generally. Wwyd now?

[CauliflowerBalti]

I would be very upset. I don't like the idea of my partner getting off to women who are thinner and more beautiful than me. It makes me feel insecure. If he was watching fat 37-year old women while tugging his tail, I'd be cool with that. Not hot 20-year olds. I don't have robust enough self-esteem.

The wanking wouldn't bother me. Even while you are on the school run. Sometimes I am doing chores while my partner sits down, sometimes sit down while he cooks the dinner. As long as in the round, labour is fairly divided, he can structure it as he wishes. I quite like the idea of him wanking, because I can delude myself he's thinking of me while he does it. Yes.

[LurcioAgain]

"Obviously you can't tell with a lot of videos what women are being abused? So any man who watches any porn is disgusting in your opinion?"

That's kind of the point of having ethical objections to porn. Since you can't tell which ones are ethically produced and which are filmed evidence of abuse just by looking, surely a decent person would either (a) seek out sites which offered some sort of account of the provenance of the videos or (b) get their jollies some other way.

I remember a few years ago someone made the very telling analogy with conflict diamonds - given that there are other pretty sparkly things you could wear to make yourself look pretty, why (if you cared about the people involved in the production) would you run the risk of buying a conflict diamond?

[JessicasElephant]

Porn is, at best, filmed prostitution. At worst, it is filmed rape. At the point of watching it is pretty much impossible to tell the difference.

That's why I stopped watching porn and why it is a deal breaker for me in relationships.

OP, you have the right to choose your own deal breakers in any relationship.

[BertrandRussell]

I understand that there is some ethical porn available.

Anyone watching anything else is disgusting, yes.

[ShowOfHands]

It's a shame that so many women have missed out on the opportunity to meet honest men and men who are anti porn. They exist. They face ridicule from their own sex and disbelief from the opposite sex. Porn culture does them a disservice too.

[19lottie82]

Bert with an attitude like that is it any wonder men who watch porn deny it?

[BertrandRussell]

Fortunately there are plenty of men who share that "attitude". And plenty more who would if they understood quite how hideous the porn industry is. Sadly, they have been taken in by the "happy hooker" "I get paid for doing what I love to do" narrative.

[19lottie82]

Yes, in an ideal world, all porn would be "ethical", but IMO it's like saying people should pay £X for ethical clothing, but instead the ques at the tills are 40 people long in primark where you can buy a tshirt for £2 that is made by little children in sweatshops........

[Pinkheart5915]

Porn has never bothered me i don't care if DH watches or what he choose to watch. i know his attracted to me and I am confident with how I am so I think that plays a part in it not bothering me. I admit to watching it myself but very rarely.

However I can see where your coming from feeling not very confident with your own body and then you know his watched it and I think as a woman it makes you worry more about your body.

[BertrandRussell]

The slight difference is that clothes are necessary.........

[BertrandRussell]

And when watching porn you are actually watching women being abused and getting off on it. Practically a definition of disgusting, surely?

[pinkladyapple]

Porn is, at best, filmed prostitution. At worst, it is filmed rape. At the point of watching it is pretty much impossible to tell the difference.

I disagree. Who says filmed prostitution is always a bad thing? Hasn't the Women's Institute been campaigning for years to make prostitution legal anyway? Of course, there is a dark side to it. But I strongly suspect that those kinds of sites aren't accessible by Google. at least I hope so

My husband does not watch porn at all and would be very insulted if he was accused of lying about it so stop generalising lottie! He is extremely against it for all the reasons mentioned as he CARES about women and would not ever use their pain or abuse for entertainment. Any man that does is disgusting.

Any man who watches porn is disgusting? What do you think about women who enjoy watching it then? They do exist, you know.

[pinkladyapple]

And when watching porn you are actually watching women being abused and getting off on it. Practically a definition of disgusting, surely?

So all porn is of women being abused now? Try not to clutch those pearls too hard, they may break.

[BertrandRussell]

"Any man who watches porn is disgusting? What do you think about women who enjoy watching it then? They do exist, you know."

That's why I said "anyone".

And you are incredibly" naive if you think the hours^ free/cheap porn available two clicks from this page could possibly be ethical.

[BertrandRussell]

Ah, the old pearl clutchers/cool girl dichotomy!

On this subject I know which side I'd rather be on!

[LilacInn]

I wonder if the poem objectors are ethical in all of their own consumption. Cruelty free food and personal care products, no clothing or household claptrap made by exploited people, transport only by non-polluting means like foot, horse and bicycle, etc.

[BertrandRussell]

Oh, and the whatabouters!

[pinkladyapple]

And you are incredibly" naive if you think the ^hours free/cheap porn available two clicks from this page could possibly be ethical.

Personally I think you are deluded if you deal in absolutes. It is impossible that ALL porn is unethical, unless of course you have an objection to the industry itself - which is you imposing your views on these women, rather than accepting that they may have chosen to work in porn and enjoy it by themselves.

It is impossible to take all categories of porn and say they're all the same.

[ShowOfHands]

Porn thread bingo. Exploitation through commerce is to a porn thread what vehicle pollution is to a smoking thread. Whatabout indeed.

[BertrandRussell]

"It is impossible to take all categories of porn and say they're all the same."

I didn't. I said there is ethical porn. But the hours of cheap/free two clicks away content isn't.

[HostaFireandIce]

I just don't understand why it is apparently impossible to believe that there are people who don't get off on watching other people have enthusiastic sex.

[Lakiey]

I don't really see what the issue is here, you had no right to check your Husbands laptop you were being nosey and you ended up getting a surprise. Only on mumsnet would someone be upset about their husband watching porn.

[19lottie82]

The slight difference is that clothes are necessary.........

So it's OK to shop in stores that you know use and abuse very young children as cheap labour, just so you can get a cheap pair of leggings?

Surely, that's not very ethical?

[BertrandRussell]

So it's OK to shop in stores that you know use and abuse very young children as cheap labour, just so you can get a cheap pair of leggings?"

No it isn't. And, as it happens, I don't.

But pointing out other bad things doesn't make the first bad thing good.