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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Stocking filler' contact in phone

126 replies

Yummymummy159 · 13/06/2016 23:41

So back when I was 39 weeks prego I noticed my OH had texted a contact called 'stocking filler' saying 'happy birthday my little treasure have an amazing day you deserve it xxx'. Managed to work out it was someone who he slept with about 2 and a half years ago by stalking birthdays on Facebook but he still classes her as a close friend (even though I have never met her and we have been together 2 years?) she replied saying they should go for drinks with loads of kisses. So it was my birthday a few days later I didn't get the good morning text (he sets off at 5am) no massive fuss no nothing. My mum had been and got the present from him and he had given her the money like he put in no effort what so ever. I didn't say anything about 'stocking filler' texts despite it pissing me off and her contact name sounding dirty somehow? Anyway fast forward to yesterday. Looking for a contact in his messages so I can ask about a bbq at the weekend and I notice she has texted him since. Had a look and it said 'can't believe you've become a dilf already then the love heart eye emoji a few times when do I get to meet the little man. Can't wait to have a cuddle

OP posts:
hilbil21 · 14/06/2016 22:14

I don't think he's cheating on you I think she's just a bit of a tart who likes to flirt! And he's just a rubbish man who doesn't have the balls to tell her not to!

GinnyMcginface · 14/06/2016 22:16

Men are a bit shit. Sorry, men, but it's true. I don't think he's cheating. I think she is a morally questionable strumpet and he likes the attention. If you honestly think he's cheating, get a v cheap payg phone, alter the number in his contacts and wait for him to text you but when push comes to shove I don't think it'll come to anything.

GinnyMcginface · 14/06/2016 22:17

Sorry hilbil! I didn't see your post!

Tragicomical · 14/06/2016 22:23

Sorry ! I really don't see where from a very few texts everyone is jumping to the conclusion he is playing away!

IMO he's having a bit of.a flirt at best.

Tragicomical · 14/06/2016 22:23

Hope you're doing ok OP XXX

Yummymummy159 · 15/06/2016 15:11

Hi guys! Just taking LO swimming then I'm going to have a chat with him (he's still at work). I don't think he would ever cheat but from everything that has happened I'm not convinced he's not? I'm just uneasy and I don't think he will see it as inappropriate- I know he will say it's fine if someone said that to me and he doesn't tell me what to have contacts saved as in my phone - he won't understand that I shouldn't have to? I swear I've met squirrels with bigger brains!!

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/06/2016 15:56

I swear I've met squirrels with bigger brains!!

It's not that, at all. He will completely understand why it's inappropriate, but you can't argue with stupid, so he'll pretend that he can't understand it no matter what.

Then you back off because he doesn't understand, and you love him, and he's a good dad, and you don't want him to kick off (delete as applicable), and he gets to carry on having what is, at the very least, a presumptuous and very flirty conversation.

I think you're likely to be on borrowed time, to be honest. Their flirting is very real, lots of open compliments and mutual attraction. Even if that's all it is, at the moment, they've both made it clear that they'd be interested, and they go drinking a lot which tends to lower inhibitions. He is playing with danger going drinking with someone that he's attracted too.

"Stocking filler" is almost irrelevant, as a contact name. It's gross and it shows his view of women, but it says nothing other than that she is special enough to him to have a special petname, something that makes him smile when she texts him. That's the bit that I'd worry about.

I would ask him who Stocking Filler is, and then wait. I know you know, but if you let him start talking and stay silent, he'll probably fill the gap..."Oh it's just X....pause....it's her nickname/it's a joke/whatever rubbish he's likely to spout...."

If he is happy for an uncomfortable silence, or if he turns this on you for snooping or says he knew you'd get upset or any of the other minimising bollocks, you know that he doesn't care about you feeling uncomfortable and unhappy, and that's not good.

Hopefully the conversation will tell you what has been going on, and if nothing terrible has happened yet, it'll show him how wrong this is. He needs to realise that himself though.

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 15/06/2016 16:12

I'm not sure why anyone would need to be in text contact with a casual ex at all.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 15/06/2016 16:19

I think if you posed the question as...

So I can have a friend that I once slept with, save him in my phone as "Lord Foot long Mutton Dagger" and call him flirtatious names such as my little zesty bollocks with tonnes of snogs and kisses in my messages, it's OK by you is it dear?

And of course he'll say yes, because he knows you won't, because you're a decent person....

So I don't know what the answer is TBH. But I'd be letting him know that I find it all very stomach churning, and that the way he's behaving is the equivalent of a dose of vagina repellent.

I couldn't fancy a guy less if I saw that kind of speak. Grim.

GarlicSteak · 15/06/2016 22:11

What does I have heard she has been 'rallied' by all of the men mean? [thick emoticon]

Starbrite00 · 15/06/2016 22:17

Sounds like he's already cheated which is really sad. Heartbreaking.

Bails2014 · 15/06/2016 22:19

Lord Foot long Mutton Dagger

I hadn't realised you knew my OH Wink

yougotitdude · 15/06/2016 22:53

This is fucking weird. Sorry OP but it is.

I was sleeping casually with someone back in school- nothing like that anymore as he is married with a DD but i'm still good friends with and his wife for that matter.

We have a joke and a laugh (like I will send him a text, and he will reply in a jokey way like "OK my sweetiehoneypie")

You could ask him. You could ask her.

You can't stop your DH being in contact with someone because they slept together before you were an item. If my friend did that with me and her DH- i'd laugh in her face and her institutionlised.

You clearly don't trust him to be going through his phone so there is obviously more to this than your telling us.

Either a) your jealous and possesive or b) you have reason to distrust him

GarlicSteak · 15/06/2016 23:15

So how have you and your pal got each other listed in your respective phones, yougo? Real names, the nicknames everyone knows you by, or "Lord Foot long Mutton Dagger" (I liked that so much, I stole it) and "Sticky Knickers"?

When did you last call him a DILF?

yougotitdude · 15/06/2016 23:37

Im sugar plum fairy and he is Dickwad.

Stocking filler is creepy. And makes me vom in my own mouth a little.

JayDot500 · 16/06/2016 00:15

Grrrrrrrrrr OP I feel your pain. I hope you are able to talk and fix things.

I had a similar issue with a girl my bf wouldn't stop texting. I've no issue with healthy female friendships but this girl took the piss. She had no respect for my relationship with him despite knowing I existed. Messages from her were mostly about sex- fantasy sex with my bf, sex with her current bf, or lack of sex whenever she was single. I encountered the messages after her name popped up and I wondered who she was. Annoyed, I told my bf he'd better stop texting her or else I'm off. He stopped, we got engaged, but she started texting again. We're since married and she still occasionally texts but ever since I spoke to him he always shows me his conversations (even though I've actually told him I don't need to know anymore lol). She's very flirty but also a bit pathetic. He serves to humor her (single mum of 3), but he also is her voice of reason whenever she's got herself in a predicament (she doesn't have sensible friends and is always falling for losers). I can now see that their (now rare) flirting actually means nothing, and is quite harmless.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 16/06/2016 00:18

Sadly, he's a player and he's playing you :(

avamiah · 16/06/2016 01:16

JayDot500,
I've read your post 3 times and it brought a tear to my eye when you say "he also is her voice of reason", as she doesn't have any sensible friends and is always falling for losers.
Your husband is very lucky to have such a intelligent compassionate woman as yourself for his wife
I'm 44 and divorced after 10 years of marriage but I wish I had you as a friend back then and your outlook on life as I probably would still be married today.

JayDot500 · 16/06/2016 05:17

avamiah I'm so sorry. I hope that regret doesn't cloud over your life Sad.

Not all flirting is innocent. I could not have felt she wasn't a 'threat' without the reassurance and openness of my husband.

Yummymummy159 · 16/06/2016 19:52

'Rallied' is their reference to her being the local bike

Didn't have the balls last night. Tonight will be the one it has to be im going mad!

OP posts:
Jodie1982 · 16/06/2016 19:56

Good luck OP. Don't let yourself be mugged off. Think of your future

MargaretCavendish · 16/06/2016 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicknameUsed · 16/06/2016 20:31

That's a bit harsh Margaret

mygorgeousmilo · 16/06/2016 20:36

Urrghhh the idea of some horrid skank calling my husband a 'dilf', sending kisses and then saying they can't wait to cuddle my baby??!! I'd be up for murder Angry

MargaretCavendish · 16/06/2016 20:40

Fair point, Nickname - I've asked mnhq to take it down. I think I had a fair point, but it wasn't the time to make it. BUT can we stop calling this girl 'skank', etc.?

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