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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think that weddings have just turned into a shitstorm

159 replies

DesolateWaist · 12/06/2016 22:42

Based purely on threads on here it seems that weddings are just insane now.

If it's not about the venue it's about the invitation, the dresses, the gifts, who is invited, the food or if you can or can't bring children.

AIBU to think that everyone needs to calm this shit down? It's just one sodding day and you end up just as married no matter what colour your cousins dress is or how many flowers there are.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 13/06/2016 00:59

They're hoping to have enough money from gifts for a deposit on a house!

That is disgusting. How sick some people's materialism.

Will they be expecting people to cough up for their divorce too? Hmm

HelenaDove · 13/06/2016 01:02

DH and i married in the late 90s. He and the best man organised the wedding.
Frankly i couldnt be arsed and the stress would have got on my tits.

It was a small registry office wedding with family only followed by a meal at the hotel up the road and an evening party at the best mans house. He had a MASSIVE back garden.

ICJump · 13/06/2016 01:05

I'm totally scared about planning our wedding. It just seams so hard to get the balance right. I mean I basically want a massive party but also have very little cash. We've been engaged forever and I think it's the fear of organising it that puts me off.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/06/2016 01:08

ICJ - one of the best weddings I went to was held in a Scout Hall in a village, which we decorated with paper streamers and greenery from the garden. It was a reg office do, then out to the Scout Hall, a couple of beer barrels, wine boxes from a France run, and local caterers who did a hot buffet. There was a disco, but iirc it was the bridegroom's BIL who ran that - not sure where the lights came from though, they might have already been in the hall.
Great fun, good party, very little stress.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/06/2016 01:08

AND it didn't cost that much, sorry forgot to add that bit!

Eminybob · 13/06/2016 01:20

YANBU

I got married a few weeks ago, we did it in secret, just DH and I with DS and 2 lovely friends as witnesses. Then we buggered off on holiday and didn't tell anyone until after we got back.

It was lovely, cost next to nothing and most importantly there was no drama (which there would have been if we had invited family, especially from mil)

I often think now, the end result is exactly the same as if we had spent thousands, we are just as married, and now everyone knows, but we have not crippled ourselves with debt to do so.

MistressDeeCee · 13/06/2016 01:22

I think most wedding stories are highly embellished for entertainment value, as I've never in real life come across weddings or or people that resemble some of those described here. I take it all with a pinch of salt, including the villainous bride to be, the bossy fiend head bridesmaid who terrorises the other "mere minions" bridesmaids, spawn of the devil MIL to be. .it makes for really good reading thoSmile

PumpkinPies38 · 13/06/2016 01:28

Don't get me started!

trafalgargal · 13/06/2016 04:20

I don't think it's a new thing - I have a very clear memory of wanting to strangle a normally sane and sensible work mate over the fuss and drama over her ridiculously extravagant wedding twenty years ago. Social media just means the gossiping about it goes further nowadays.

I last got married nearly twenty five years ago and people were very shocked we kept it simple -as in short ceremony and a catered sit down meal for fifty- all organized in six weeks. Even back then the endless planning and rows went on for at least a year before the big day.

I do remember in the 80s the Holiday programme on BBC1 featured an all in package to get married in St Lucia as a new thing. I worked in a travel agency and when I got to work the next morning I had a bride and her Mum camped on the doorstep waiting to book as they had seen the programme and decided to cancel the wedding due to all the family drama (they had asked the groom btw :D) and do the get married abroad thing instead. So no fuss, rows, drama and OTTness is nothing new IMO.

CaoNiMao · 13/06/2016 06:01

I find the opposite tack annoying too - the rather smug "I got married in an old Tesco bag, with local vagrants as witnesses, and stale sarnies for the meal" that seems to be rolled out as an antidote!

branofthemist · 13/06/2016 06:28

You are kind of being unreasonable. I have been to about 10 weddings. Only one out of those was ridiculous. Along the lines of threads here.

Some people do become insane about weddings.

But as pp says no one will mention the perfectly normal weddings.

1frenchfoodie · 13/06/2016 06:49

I've loved all the weddings I have been to and had fun planning my own (mainly DIY). They have been different - church+150 for canapes and champagne then sit down meal in fancy hotel vs registry office + 40 for hog roast and self catered buffet in village hall as the main extremes - but all warm, hospitable and relaxed as far as dress, gifts etc go.

TortoiseSmile · 13/06/2016 06:53

I find the whole thing beyond weird, starting from the ridiculous hen parties and odious stag dos. Its all got horribly tacky.

But since there are no religious rites that are taken seriously around marriage anymore, its hardly a surprise.

harryhausen · 13/06/2016 07:01

I've never been to an over the top wedding. I've been to a couple that were really dull though.

One was my cousins. Really long Catholic Church affair, then reception. After the meal and speeches we were informed that there would be a 5 hour break before evening reception. It was news to us. It was hours away from my home, the hotel where the reception was literally had nothing to do and nowhere to sit. I was 8 months pregnant. We ended up driving home!

The other dull one was a distant relative of dh's. I think we'd been invited to make up numbers on his side as I'd never met either bride or groom. Dh himself could barely remember what relative looked like. The ceremony was outside (and it was freezing and windy). Then they decided to have all the speeches before any food. They went on forever. We were all utterly starving and completely sober which made for a really dull atmosphere. Then we got grief for having to leave in the evening to go home for our children (it was a no children wedding).

Best wedding I went to was in Cornwall, held in a marquee attached to local beach pub. There was sand under our feet. Great atmosphere. Place names were names painted roughly on pebbles. Great buffet food. Amazing live music where everyone danced. Don't know why it worked so well but it just did.

harryhausen · 13/06/2016 07:02

Just to add, I think it's the hen do's that have changed. A week long holiday abroad with people you don't know. Er, I'd rather stick needles in my eyes.

Original poster
DesolateWaist · 13/06/2016 07:18

I don't think it's a completely new thing, and family drama has alway been a thing, however I do think that what many people expect from the day is increasing due to stuff like Pinterest.
When I was planning my first wedding in 1998 which didn't happen it was all through wedding magazines. I remember reading that wedding favours were becoming popular.
Now people see all these things online and decide that they want them all. Also, buying stuff is so much easier with the Internet.

I think that also getting married is far more of a choice now. It wasn't so long ago that living together or having children before you got married was frowned on.

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 13/06/2016 07:39

NaiceVillageOfTheDamned Just the 'family dramas' element alone would fill a thread. Apparently there will actually need to be security at the reception.

The B&G have also decided they want all their close family and friends on their top table, leaving many of the partners of these family and friends, none of whom know each other, sitting together on other tables and some of them will be expected to look after children they don't know throughout the buffet-style meal.

A number of the top tablees have massive drink issues. There will be speeches, after the bar has opened.

NoCakeLeft · 13/06/2016 07:40

My wedding is in 8 days and it will be simple registry office ceremony for 25 people followed by barbecue at PILs house. My dress is BHS dress bought off ebay for £65. DPs suit is also from BHS. DD is wearing Monsoon dress with H&M shoes. DS - same as DP. Rings from Amazon. Simple box for rings made by me. Cake will be made by me. Flowers and buttonholes also me. Makeup by SIL. Hair by my DSis.
Total value of everything is under £1000 (including the payment for the ceremony).
I haven't been to a real wedding, but mine should be perfect. Smile

NoCakeLeft · 13/06/2016 07:42

And I must add - there hasn't been any drama at all. Apart from nearly cancelling the whole thing because we just didn't have any money. But then DP got some tax return, so we pulled through.

LineyReborn · 13/06/2016 07:43

Oh and on a budget of about a grand, they expect to have the full wedding package - dress, bridesmaids, makeup, hair, shoes, suits, car, photos, hotel, decorated reception room, theme ... it is just madness. Fuck knows how much debt they're getting into.

LineyReborn · 13/06/2016 07:44

NoCakeLeft Nice x-post!

MiaowTheCat · 13/06/2016 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ValerieSweet · 13/06/2016 08:30

The B&G have also decided they want all their close family and friends on their top table, leaving many of the partners of these family and friends, none of whom know each other, sitting together.

This sucks, right? Going to a wedding in August where the B&G have decided they want their parents, wedding party, PLUS all seven adult siblings at the top table. Siblings' spouses/partners/children relegated to another table. I know I won't die spending 3 hours away from DH, but I think it's rude splitting couples up, and to make things worse this is a destination wedding -- it's costing us hundreds to go, and I feel like a mug for agreeing.

Is this a thing, now? Cherry-picking exactly who you'd like to sit with, and dividing people accordingly?

nightandthelight · 13/06/2016 08:40

We had a very simple wedding. City Hall ceremony in a high street wedding dress (which was gorgeous). The reception venue was opposite so no transport required. The venue was actually a 4* hotel but we booked the wedding at very short notice so they knew they wouldn't get anyone else in. So no venue hire and massively discounted catering as they had over ordered on their food so would just have been throwing it away. It was Christmas so everything already decorated nicely.

Big divorced family so even immediate family and friends came to 50 people but was all done for £2000.

I do love a good bridezilla on here though and would be disappointed everyone became sensible about their weddings Grin

NicknameUsed · 13/06/2016 08:44

I think too many people have lost sight of the fact that a wedding is a marriage and not just a day to show off.

TBH most guests won't notice the decor or lack of favours, but they will remember freezing in an inadequately heated venue and poor food.

I also think that a lot of bridezillas get away with their ridiculous demands because no-one has the sense to say no to them.