....to think that weddings have just turned into a shitstorm

[DesolateWaist]

Based purely on threads on here it seems that weddings are just insane now.

If it's not about the venue it's about the invitation, the dresses, the gifts, who is invited, the food or if you can or can't bring children.

AIBU to think that everyone needs to calm this shit down? It's just one sodding day and you end up just as married no matter what colour your cousins dress is or how many flowers there are.

[MargaretCavendish]

I went to a wedding on Saturday. It was lovely, thoughtful and the couple were just glowing with their love and happiness. I am pretty certain that not a single Mumsnet thread did it generate, but it did still happen!

[MargaretCavendish]

Also, I do think that there's a guestzilla for every bridezilla. I've been the partner at a wedding where I knew v few people sat away from my partner, who was best man. It didn't even occur to me to think this was unreasonable of the couple, and I think it's pretty pathetic to not be able to chat to a few new people and be away from your partner for a couple of hours.

[LineyReborn]

Valerie I think it might be that the B&G want a party with their friends and siblings but also want a traditional top table.

[BillSykesDog]

I think by it's very nature the cohort on MN tends to have a bit of a jaded view of view of weddings and marriage. Purely because a lot of people on here are at the stage of life where they're getting divorced or marriage isn't a bed of romantic roses anymore and more a part of everyday work and drudgery.

I think it's easy to forget how exciting it is at that stage of life and how easy it is to get carried away. Plus it is a bit of a stressful nightmare, you only have to look at the amount of posts on here from guests moaning about weddings to see it's a bit of a minefield.

[LineyReborn]

Margaret I do absolutely understand what you're saying, but that's a normal tradition. I'm talking about a wedding where half the guests, who all know each other well, are on the top table - the 'party table' - and the other half of the guests, who don't know each other, are put on other tables with all the children to look after.

It's going to end up with children constantly wanting to go up to the top table to their parent(s), for a start.

Hopefully it'll be relaxed not tense.

[MargaretCavendish]

I do absolutely understand what you're saying, but that's a normal tradition

I sort of think that's a distinction without a difference. If your husband was given top table 'rights' because he was best man rather than because he was a sibling what difference would that make to you?

I actually agree that it's not ideal - it's not what I did; we had the partners of our best man and best woman sat with them (and us) at our (circular) top table. I also didn't man to have a dig at you in particular, although it does read like that, sorry. I just mean that these are fairly innocuous decisions where if you listened to each of the 50 different conflicting advice people give you when planning a wedding you'd go mad. It can feel like guests nitpick every little thing and then mock (realistically) the woman for becoming caught up in the details.

[MargaretCavendish]

Bill I agree - and I also think a lot of people find it hard to distinguish between 'I enjoyed weddings more in my 20s' and 'the weddings that were held when I was in my 20s were just objectively better'! On one of the (many) wedding hate threads one poster said one of the good things about her own wedding (and it was one of those 'my wedding cost 50p' humblebrags) was that 'the oldies left us all to party and dance'. She then bemoaned at great length all the recent weddings she had been to, not noticing that, by her own logic, perhaps many of the guests would prefer it if she and the other 'oldies' left them to it!

[ICJump]

thumb that sounds great. Exactly what I'd like. Maybe we should just do it!

[MissBattleaxe]

NicknameUsed- you have put it in a nutshell.

You can spend 3k on a dress, but your guests won't care if they are treated badly or made to go hungry or bankrupt because of your wedding. And yes, some couples give barely a thought to marriage yet invest 18 months planning on a wedding day.

[Donatellalymanmoss]

Weddings do seem to have the potential to bring out the worst in people. But I have to say some of threads from guests are a bit curmudgeonly. You'd think they'd have been invited to their own funeral rather than what is essentially a party to celebrate a happy occasion.

I like big weddings and will happily give cash/ buy off a gift list. The only people I know who are offended by doing this are mumsnet posters.

[morningpaper]

I think it's become a rite of passage INSTEAD of buying a house - because this generation can't actually afford the latter. They need 40k for a house which isn't going to happen so they may as well piss 20k up the wall on a wedding instead.

[WickedLazy]

I'm supposed to be starting to wedding plan now. For the minimum reception guests we want, it's going to be at least £2000. Trying to talk dp into something simple, local pub with tons of decorations and a buffet, but he wants something "fancy". I just want to get married asap, not have to wait 6 years to save the money. Can't believe some of the threads on here, truly shocking.

How do you apply for don't tell the bride? That would suit me rightly.

[coco1810]

TBH, knowing what a misery and complainer my DP's mom is this is one of my reasons for not wanting to get married. She literally sucks the joy out of every family occasion. When we do plan our wedding, its all going to have to be booked, paid for and invitations sent before we tell her. I can't imagine my mom not putting her in her place either. Maybe eloping with the kids is the way forward!

[KatieKateKat]

Wicked it's on the website I believe? Is DTTB bbc3? I forget!

[EssentialHummus]

Also, I do think that there's a guestzilla for every bridezilla.

^This. We're getting married in two weeks and have had one cheeky fecker invite himself and his family over from Canada "for the wedding", oh, and by the way, could we have your flat while you're off on honeymoon?

Ours is a registry office do followed by lunch in a posh pub, then back to ours for M&S wedding cake and tea. Can't wait!

I'll throw myself into any wedding going (and as a result have been to some odd ones), but I personally wouldn't enjoy the day as the bride if I felt there were 101 things/people to juggle on the day.

[OldGuard]

Bit of a trend where I live to ditch the big do and go to the registry office - and then have a modest party - seems that the ridiculous money that the big wedding entails is starting to put some off - can't say I disagree - wish I had done this

[TooMuchMNTime]

OP "Based purely on threads on here it seems that weddings are just insane now. "

ah, see I'm the opposite - I was relieved when I joined MN - having got to 40 and only experienced 2 sane weddings where the couple actually just wanted to share their day and not spend vats of money charged back off their guests...it was good to be able to vent about it. In real life you can't because you don't know if it will get back to the couple.

to people talking about magazines etc, it's no different than commercial pressure for a perfect Xmas or whatever. People have to take responsibility for their own choices. I could go online today and buy a gazillion things on credit that I can't afford. But I'm not going to.

[MrsMarsch]

I'm getting married in a month and our primary focus is just having friends and family with us, we've not asked for gifts, we've not had expensive stag/hen dos and it's still costing a fair bit, but we're really happy with it and hope our guests enjoy the day. Probably completely forgettable for most but unforgettable for us, which is all we want. PS - no dodgy Pinterest type entertainment or drinks in jam jars, just wine and nice food :)

[SoupDragon]

I do think that there's a guestzilla for every bridezilla

This with bells on!

[BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn]

We did the registry office and hall do later. It was ok and modest, we didn't have a lot of money and were young but I do actually wish I'd spent a bit more to get more what I wanted. Nothing about my wedding day was what I'd actually dreamed of.

Not a bridezilla as such but I was recently given a timescale (and we are talking years) of when I needed to start saving to attend a wedding abroad. I'm not going .

I like the wedding threads. It's like any other batshit thread, people aren't going to post 'AIBU, I've received a wedding invite for my whole family, it's local, we can wear what we want and it should be a good party' boring! I want to read the crazy, it's fun! I doubt the 7' ride one is real though but a lot of them I can easily believe as some people turn into utter twats over stuff.

I've been lucky, all my family weddings have been nice, local, children included etc. Money was asked for but I actually don't mind as it's easy then and not wasteful if you get a present that isn't needed or wanted.

[BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn]

7' bride

[BusyNothings]

I agree that some weddings just get ridiculous but it is true that you are only seeing a small sample.

Also. This probably won't be a popular opinion. But whos business is it what a wedding costs besides the bride and groom? In my office four of us have got married in the last year or two and my wedding was apparently the biggest and most ridiculous and I often get lectured at spending all that money (I've never told or intimated a figure they picked it out of thin air). the old you could have bought a house or eloped or blah blah. It's none of your business. If someone wants to and is able to spend and make a big happy fuss of their day leave them to it.

But then again I am humouring my future sister in law by dressing up as a bear for her teddy bears picnic themed wedding. So I obviously don't care lol.

As long as the couple is happy who cares?! If you don't like it don't go.

And rant over!

[jessica132]

YADNBU! I hate what people turn weddings into. I feel like it's no longer about how two people want to be connected till the end of their lives, but about how big party you throw, and if people like the food and stuff. For the love of God, they need to calm their tits. They're all being Monicas about weddings.

[SoThatHappened]

I fell out with a cousin over her wedding.

Her hen party was a joke and it involved dressing up in costumes and going out...the costumes were full on superhero outfits.

I was wonder woman with a micro mini and i refused to go out on the street dressed like a common prostitute that.

So she went batshit over that. Swore at me when i just wanted to wear ordinary going our clothes and told me to fuck off out of her whole wedding if I wouldn't wear it.

I walked out at that second.

They are now divorced.

[MargaretCavendish]

No one is denying that some people are horrible, demanding and unreasonable over their weddings. I just think that those are people who are generally horrible already - weddings give them a platform, they don't make nice people horrible.

They do make nice people anxious, though, and I continue to maintain the deep, deep irony of the fact that mn has roughly equal numbers of 'Why do people spend lots of money on their weddings' threads to the 'these people tried to save money in their wedding and it makes them monsters' (eg all the comments on afternoon tea weddings). People (and, again, disproportionately often women) are damned if they do, damned if they don't. It very strongly reminds me of society's messages on women and their appearance: your looks are the most important thing about you and you should always look perfect but you must never, ever be vain!