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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think that weddings have just turned into a shitstorm

159 replies

DesolateWaist · 12/06/2016 22:42

Based purely on threads on here it seems that weddings are just insane now.

If it's not about the venue it's about the invitation, the dresses, the gifts, who is invited, the food or if you can or can't bring children.

AIBU to think that everyone needs to calm this shit down? It's just one sodding day and you end up just as married no matter what colour your cousins dress is or how many flowers there are.

OP posts:
Original poster
DesolateWaist · 13/06/2016 12:53

I don't give two figs how much or little money the bride and groom spend. However don't expect me, as a guest, to care as much as you.

to people talking about magazines etc, it's no different than commercial pressure for a perfect Xmas or whatever.

But the difference is that you have Christmas every year. Weddings are often a one off. You have one shot to get it right and no routine or reference.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 13/06/2016 13:31

YANBU. I think some people love the drama

VioletVaccine · 13/06/2016 14:06

YANBU.
A big ridiculously dramatic wedding, usually represents the big dramatic bride in the foreground IMO.

A woman I know had the most ostentatious, bells and whistles wedding I've ever seen last year. A novelty coal sweep, doves, pipe player, half a dozen Bridesmaids and Pageboys and every hallmark of a pure white luxury wedding. It must have cost at least £30,000

Except 6 weeks after when the furious, disgusted Bridesmaid ended up with an STI- caught by proxy from the Bride Shock Shock who had passed it on to the Bridesmaid's DP sleeping with him, and caught by her other other man who gave it to her in the first place to unwittingly spread around her nearest and dearest.

Gonorrhoea- the gift that keeps on giving..

TooMuchMNTime · 13/06/2016 14:11

sorry Desolate, still just think it's commercial pressure whether once or not.

I want to know how to be a guestzilla now! Grin

TheNaze73 · 13/06/2016 14:27

violetbI know it's not funny but, your post made me laugh

Beeziekn33ze · 13/06/2016 14:31

Did the 7' bridezillas get deleted? I was hoping for more!

expatinscotland · 13/06/2016 14:32

A lot of people on here say they 'can't afford' to get married when it really means they can't have a big wedding.

NicknameUsed · 13/06/2016 14:36

Exactly expat, which makes you wonder whether they actually want to be married or just have a wedding.

Crunchymum · 13/06/2016 14:40

Recent wedding I went to was planned in 4 months, cost the guests nothing (unless they wanted spirits - wine, beer, soft drinks and champers was all paid for as well as afternoon tea and an evening buffet). The wedding was local to most, lasted 6 hours not 4 days and they didn't ask for a gift.

It was perfect and although not cheap the bride [a dear friend] was cool as a cucumber the whole way through.

Made me think there is a lot of BS on here when it comes to weddings - or else MN'ers seem to know a disproportionate amount of entitled arseholes Grin

TooMuchMNTime · 13/06/2016 14:42

exactly expat - how much is it to actually get married - is it about £200 or can it be done for less? I do understand if people can't afford £200 of course, but I hate it when people say they can't afford the marriage when they mean the wedding circus.

LazyJournalistsQuoteMN · 13/06/2016 14:53

Yanbu. I'm so sick of grabby couples, making a circus out of getting married. It's no wonder the divorce ratss are so high. It's all about the money and stretching out the "celebration", a few days for the hen and stag (and paying for both the bride and groom's share as well), the day of the wedding, the day after the wedding, the demands for guests to fund it (and give enough to pay towards the wedding, a fancy honeymoon and a deposit on a house). HmmAngry

carryam · 13/06/2016 15:41

We are having a small wedding. Registry office then pub for some food and drink. We could afford something bigger, and if I was 20 I probably would do it. But at this point I want something enjoyable and easy, not stressful and expensive.

Glitteryfrog · 13/06/2016 15:54

But then again I am humouring my future sister in law by dressing up as a bear for her teddy bears picnic themed wedding. So I obviously don't care lol.

Pardon?

Cutecat78 · 13/06/2016 16:33

I live in a town often frequented by stag and hen dos (puts locals off going out in town TBH) and I cringe when I see groups of lads and girls in fancy dress or pre printed t-shirts with "I'm mad me" nick names on them which have been made up specifically for the occasion. Most of the party look bored shitless and they all just look like lemmings .

RuggerHug · 13/06/2016 16:55

Eh BusyNothings
But then again I am humouring my future sister in law by dressing up as a bear for her teddy bears picnic themed wedding. So I obviously don't care lol.

We're going to need a few more details/the reasoning behind this now...

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/06/2016 16:57

AIBU to think that everyone needs to calm this shit down?

I almost hesitate to post on anything about weddings these days Blush but had to say I totally agree with this; in many ways it's hard to understand just what all the hysteria is for when it all becomes about the day instead of the actual marriage

The nicest one I've known was a close friend's, where those who loved them helped out practically. Her mum did the invitations, I did the flowers, ex took the photos, her sister lent her posh car and so on. She bought the dresses for herself and two bridesmaids and they had the usual buffet at a (modest) hotel, but it still came in at under £5000 - and somehow the day was all the nicer for folk being involved instead of everything being bought from impersonal suppliers

Gardencentregroupie · 13/06/2016 17:13

See I went to a wedding where friends 'helped them out' and it just meant the b&g swanned around with their money in their pockets while everyone was run ragged making flowers and cakes and dresses and doing hair and makeup for them.

I had an expensive wedding in a country house and it cost lots of money, we had a house already and we had the money to spend, the wedding was wonderful and if our marriage goes tits up in the future it won't be because we had a string quartet during the canapés. Plus it's sweet fuck all to do with anyone else how much it cost. But then I don't think I was at all bridezilla and my friends and family didn't appear to resent me for inviting them to the celebrations.

MargaretCavendish · 13/06/2016 17:28

Gardencentregroupie I completely agree with you. My MIL made the wedding cake but actually I wish we hadn't even accepted that offer - she offered with sincerity and enthusiasm, but I don't think any of us realised how much work (and money!) a wedding cake for 100 takes (she bakes a lot, but not on that scale) and I really didn't like seeing her so stressed about it. I know people who expected that, for instance, the bridesmaids would help make invitations, and I think that's much, much more entitled than spending your own money or time. I also think that people really underestimate what they're asking for - for instance, I know a photographer who's been asked to do the photos 'instead of a present' more than once. His wedding rates start at £1200, which I suspect is rather more than any of these couples would expect as a cash gift!

NicknameUsed · 13/06/2016 17:40

Gardencentregroupie I don't think people resent expensive weddings per se. I think it is when they have to fork out a lot of money to go to it and are then expected to contribute towards a honeymoon or other large expense.

maggiethemagpie · 13/06/2016 18:00

I've just got married, and found it was really hard to feel like I'd done it 'properly' without spending a fortune. Yes, I know i could have worn a hair shirt and gone down the registry office but with two small kids and big families both sides I didn't want to. It was one of those things where if it was worth doing, it was worth doing properly or else not at all IMHO. Each to their own though.

I thought I'd be sad after the wedding had come and gone but actually I was just relieved that the money pit was over and no more stress!

I did have a lovely day though.

TooMuchMNTime · 13/06/2016 18:06

Maggie, I feel your last two sentences are a bit contradictory..?

KateLivesInEngland · 13/06/2016 18:15

if our marriage goes tits up in the future it won't be because we had a string quartet during the canapés. Plus it's sweet fuck all to do with anyone else how much it cost.

Bang on! someone having a fantastically lavish wedding has naff all to do with the longevity of a relationship. And getting all arsey over how much someone else spent on their wedding when you are not the one signing the cheques is mental. Smacks of jealousy basically !

maggiethemagpie · 13/06/2016 18:18

Not contradictory, toome - the day itself was great but the stress/money leading up to it all wasn't!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/06/2016 18:21

I know people who expected that, for instance, the bridesmaids would help make invitations, and I think that's much, much more entitled than spending your own money or time

I agree, but isn't the key in the word "expected"? Isn't it a bit different when people actually offer without having been asked? The couple in my case also had their own home/didn't need anything, so doing all the flowers (as my gift) seemed a good option ... though I admit that after arranging them for the bride, two bridesmaids, two "set pieces" and ten pew ends/table decorations I was more than a bit knackered Grin

MrsMook · 13/06/2016 18:50

I love weddings and have been to some great ones. What made them great was that they were personal to the couple, not about the venue or cost at either end of the scale.

I had a full on white wedding and loved it. Although a lot of the trimmings were hand made like jewellery, invitations, favours and cake decorations, we booked a hotel because it wasn't practical to DIY a venue. It turned out that there were few hotels in the area who could accommodate the numbers of our family and friends, and there was a lovely hotel next to the hill where we got engaged. It was a joyful start to marriage, and I still love the photos and memories of the day, and the marriage is still going well several years on Grin

I've encountered a bridezilla by proxy. My bridesmaid was due to be a bridesmaid 6 weeks earlier (I had started planning first). Bridezilla changed the BM dress but wouldn't let her know what it was going to be. There were umpteen different hair trials at different hairdressers. Apparently my friend's hair parted the wrong way for the hair style so she had to retrain it! Most of my friend's weekends were taken over for months as she had to accompany over all the details. It all fell apart on the weekend of the stag do when they went out (separate to the hen do) and an argument sparked off. My friend was accused of being more interested in my wedding and dumped by letter a couple of days later. Total end of friendship. The marriage went ahead and lasted about 18 months. A lot of the Bridezilla act can be attributed to a manifestation of the control and anxiety issues that the bride had anyway, and that's why the marriage was brief. This is probably a common underlying issue.

Most weddings are lovely, and AIBU is where the most extreme behaviour of wedding parties and guests are shared rather than representative.