AIBU to correct my cockney husband?!

[user1465725037]

My husband is probably what you would describe as an 'East London cockney!' We have two young children. He will often say 'done' instead of 'did'. For example, 'I done the washing yesterday'. Kids have started to repeat this now. Whenever he says it now I am correcting him, no big deal, just saying 'did' when he says done. He is not taking it well and is getting really cross with me. Equally I am getting really cross with him when he says it as I now don't feel like I can say anything to him about it without having my head bitten off. I do appreciate that I am probably totally annoying him but I don't think it is fair on the children that they are getting confused over the English language because of him. So, AIBU? Maybe I should forget about correcting him and just focus on correcting the kids when they get it wrong? When I've read up on this though the advice seems to be that we should model the correct use of language to our kids rather than 'correcting' them. Any helpful advice would be appreciated! Thank you

Augusta

*maybe it the t then, so it sounds like ate, rather than eight.

But don't they sound the same?.*

So I was thinking have you not heard the joke, why is 6 scared of 7, because 7 8 9.

My Dad is a cockney. I dont sound like him. Relax! Also please dont correct your children, they will give up trying to talk to you - just model back correctly.

^^"model back correctly" is sensible.

I live in an area with a country accent which my OH and family have; I've acquired a lilt but it does annoy me when he says things wrongly - through laziness - and argues it is dialect.

The example above of the TA following through into written communication is what worries me.

If it's so terribly important that parents demonstrate perfect grammar to their children, then how do we explain the many people I know who have perfect, grammatically correct english, but whose parents speak English 'badly' as their second language and with many grammatical errors...? I have to assume children can discriminate and don't blindly follow all of their parents' language patterns.

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time OP, but I do agree that you shouldn't correct your DH. That said, there is nothing wrong with making sure your children also know the correct way.

My DP sometimes corrects me and it doesn't really bother me. Interesting though as English isn't even his first language. He was obviously taught correct grammar and hadn't heard any alternatives.

I am born and bred Cornish and have an accent which I am not ashamed of. However, I do not say dreckly

If it's any help OP my dad is an old cockney (he is 75 now) and he says "I done this..." Instead of "did this..." My mum will always correct him if he says it to my children, but I don't bother. I figure I can correct them not him. He brought me up and I speak so called 'proper' English and know the difference of dialect. My dad also speaks in a lot of slang (that I am used to) it makes me laugh but it doesn't mean I use it in conversation as it's outdated and most people wouldn't understand it.

Portia,
Is "dreckly" used in your part of Cornwall? My dad is Falmouth & now we live in Camborne & both areas use "dreckly" but I'm aware that certain parts of Cornwall have varying expressions.

YY MrsD - WRT "acceptable" dialects and accents. Well said. (ha!)

And as an aside - there is a differentiation between East London cockneys and South London ones! To be a cockney you have to be born within the sound of Bow bells - this extends out as far as Peckham (or it would have done years ago!). I was born in Guys hospital so I'm a cockney, but a sarf lahndan one.

I was born and bred in London as were many of my relatives. I occasionally say tomorra and dd says tomorrow and always has. Once some arsehole at work picked me up when I was mid sentence on the way I prounounced a particular word and I thought they were incredibly rude.

Self Yes dreckly is used, just I don't say it because my Mother didn't say it I suppose
I'm in Porthleven so hear many many accents from tourism. So your Dad is in Falmouth I like the maritime museum there especially the lower level where you can see the water level. Great place

My accent gets teased a lot at work, I laugh along but really I find it really irritating.

It would be boring if we all sounded the same.

Apologies, one too many 'really'

A dialect is distinguished not only by the usage of certain expressions or words or a certain pronunciation but also by grammar. British English is amazingly rich in dialects that often retain grammatical forms that have disappeared from the standard English. To claim that these dialects are not "proper" English is ignorant. You can have a preference for standard English all you want but please understand that all varieties of English have their place (speaking as someone who often had her Anglo-Irish phrases corrected when growing up :( ). Correcting someone's dialect is rude, condescending and ignorant. Discussing code-switching and when it is appropriate to use our different varieties of English is ok. OP:s husband no doubt speaks grammatically correct cockney English. If he turns up saying I done did the washing or I did washing - THEN you can start questioning his grammar. Until then the cakehole must indeed remain shut.

ipso, 'bring' and 'take' are not used in reverse in Hiberno-English, the concepts of bringing and taking are actually different

I think she was agreeing with you!

Mom can I take a ball to the park
Can Dave bring his bike home

So I can see the reverse!.

Bad grammar does make people judge - it just does

Portia,
One of my mum's mates lives in Porthleven, her husband is a Londoner & she's local. I wonder if he had trouble adjusting when he moved down...

If it makes you feel any better OP both me and DH have regional accents but DD (7) very rarely uses grammatically incorrect regional variations, in fact people are always commenting how 'properly' she speaks even though we don't. DC will get lots of language influences, TV, school, books etc so you may well find they use the 'wrong' words much less often than you would expect. I really wouldn't make this a bone of contention with your DH, correct the DC if you hear them use dialect but not your DH.

self Small world! I was married to someone from London as well. He loved it here but also loved the booze so he was sent packing back to his Mum

My dd does this to me.

I want to tell her to pee off when she corrects my grammar, she is 9 FGS. I am always telling her that it is rude to correct people.

If my husband did it to me I would tell him to fuck off.

I am very Norfolk, I know how to speak nicely when I need to, but in my home I will speak as I wish.

Although to be fair, I do want to pull up my 17 year old when he says 'Don't you not'

I am from South London and my mum insisted I spoke properly and I'm glad she did. I have a London accent (no matter how long you live in other places, there are some accents which are with you forever ) and while I like it (it sounds like home) I am pleased that my parents ensured I could speak correctly. My dad has a very strong accent but my mum was more middle class so doesn't.

My dd is Welsh and it makes me laugh when she threatens her brothers that they'll be brown bread if they don't stop doing whatever it is that's annoying her . It sounds really sweet in her accent.

I wouldn't correct my dh but I would insist my dc spoke correctly - I wouldn't want to put them at a disadvantage in life by not knowing what standard English is.

*For those saying all cockneys are from East London, that is not the case. St Mary-le-Bow church is in the City of London, and historically the bells could be heard for miles in all direction.

I have seen that a lot of people think the Bow Bells were actually located in Bow (which is in East London); perhaps this causes part of the view that all cockneys are from the east, although I suspect it has more to do with East London having more working class areas in proximity to the City than other directions.*

Pedant alert!

*You can have an accent and still speak grammatically correctly. I don't buy into this saying "Was you ill?" or "Have I went mad?" being dialect - it's not. Dialect is different words and phrasings used around the country. We have LOTS in Scotland, hubby who is from Merseyside says something old fashioned is "ant-wacky" which is a Liverpool dialect word.

It's not snobbish to want your children to grow up speaking correctly and "standard" English. I will correct husband when says "Who did you get that present off?" and hate the fact that the Scottish government is trying to push Scots dialect which in many cases isn't dialect at all, it's just slovenly speak. Saying "hoose" instead of "house" or "dinnae" instead of "don't" isn't dialect.*

Agree with all of that ^^ I am driven mad by the local 'I brought this at the weekend' when someone means 'bought'. It's not dialect, it's wrong and it's lazy. Using words such as cwtch, haway and rhyming slang are all examples of dialect as opposed to local pronunciation/accent.

A friend has a local accent and says 'we done' rather than 'we did'. Her DH has no accent and speaks correctly. Both DCs speak correctly with little discernible accent.

OP, my wife has cockney tendencies. Drives me mad - - but I don;t correct her anymore, I just work on DS

Cody, I don't understand what you are trying to clarify. Your examples would both be 'bring' in the type of Hiberno-English I described. The ideas behind 'bringing' and 'taking' would not be the same as in standard British English.