AIBU to correct my cockney husband?!

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My husband is probably what you would describe as an 'East London cockney!' We have two young children. He will often say 'done' instead of 'did'. For example, 'I done the washing yesterday'. Kids have started to repeat this now. Whenever he says it now I am correcting him, no big deal, just saying 'did' when he says done. He is not taking it well and is getting really cross with me. Equally I am getting really cross with him when he says it as I now don't feel like I can say anything to him about it without having my head bitten off. I do appreciate that I am probably totally annoying him but I don't think it is fair on the children that they are getting confused over the English language because of him. So, AIBU? Maybe I should forget about correcting him and just focus on correcting the kids when they get it wrong? When I've read up on this though the advice seems to be that we should model the correct use of language to our kids rather than 'correcting' them. Any helpful advice would be appreciated! Thank you

How can you drop an 'h' in eight? maybe it the t then, so it sounds like ate, rather than eight.

Just correct your kids, not your DH.

I grew up in England with Southern Irish parents and yet we managed to learn the difference between the way they spoke and the way English people speak.

Yes, I would (and do) correct the kids.

You can't correct adults (well you can but they will hate you for it!)

My DH does this, he also uses "was" instead of "were", so "we was at mum's house yesterday" or in response to a question he will say "was you?". Didn't bother me before kids but really grates on me now.

My husband is probably what you would describe as an 'East London cockney!'

Is there any other kind?

My first fiance and I would have had this issue if we'd gone ahead. I think I'd have tried to negotiate correct grammar as being part of the 'how we speak in front of the DC' rules along with no swearing and so on.

Accent of course, is a non issue.

I think you're being totally unreasonable

If it bothers you this much, have a look at the reason why.
Because to be very blunt, this is one reason why wealthy people dont marry out. We embarrass them with our bad accents and 'poor manners'.
It's your problem, not his. He is the same person he was before you had kids.
Try to remember what you saw in him the first time you realised you like him.

My DH is proper saarf London. He talks like a geezer but changes for nobody and has managed a very high powered career without compromising on his accent or speech. Secretly I think people admire him for it.

Initially I would correct him in front of the children but I stopped because actually it's a very personal criticism about something that makes him who he is.

I do correct my children gently but relentlessly though. Two of them are able to talk like 1950's newsreaders when the occasion arises. Job done!

Wow griphook you're getting a hard time here for no good reason. I knew what you meant. That woman sounds like a right caah.

OP I agree with PPs that you can't really expect your DH to change at this stage.

There is an alternative way of dealing with the children: just explain to them about dialects and sociolects and how they will need to master different ways of expressing themselves for written English/formal occasions. Young children are like sponges: if you present it as an interesting piece of information that will make it into something positive rather than negative. You can never have too much information.

My children can express themselves in the local accent and in formal English and in their second language. They are not in the least confused.

In many European countries, diglossia (using different dialects for different purposes) is perfectly normal. I suspect the only reason it is seen as a problem in the UK is because we judge people for having the local accent.

I agree with correct the children but it's very patronising to correct an adult like that

By all means sit down and speak to him about the effect on the children but I would find it incredibly arrogant for my partner to correct me

My dh is south London and in real life I'm well spoken (albeit a tad lazy when typing) but I wouldn't dream of belittling him like this....I do however correct the three year old

What corythatwas said.

My children haven't picked up my husband's "don't you want none" "you know what you're doing of" and other grammatically incorrect phrases.

What Finolastep said. Correcting your husband's speech??

When I married dh I did hate that he sometimes says 'somethink' instead of something. I still hate it, but apparently it's a variation associated with Yiddish speakers in the early 20th century and as such is a tiny fragment of his heritage. (He didn't tell me this btw). I have more affection for it now. If you could live with it for him, leave it alone in the children.

Wow griphook you're getting a hard time here for no good reason. I knew what you meant. That woman sounds like a right caah
Ha ha she can be, I'm used to people correcting me, I've had it all my life, interestingly it used to make me over emphasise it even more, particularly with my nan who hated the way I spoke did it. Will have to think of a good come back if the woman at work does it again.

I'd be really upset if my partner kept telling me off and correcting my grammar. I'd feel patronized and spoke down to, and pretty badly disrespected.

Correct your kids, but your partner is an adult. He deserves better.

maybe it the t then, so it sounds like ate, rather than eight.

But don't they sound the same?

My DH is also from London and pronounces "th" the same a "f".

He gets annoyed with me when I think he's saying "free" but he's actually saying "three." How am I supposed to know?

I have been in a similar situation. To put it starkly, I am a middle class Londoner (yes I realise how contentious that can be as an opener) and my husband is from a working class Lancashire background. I am more than happy with his dialectical words and expressions but, especially since having kids I am not tolerant of incorrect grammar. He's committed enough to the kids' education that he doesn't mind if I occasionally correct him in front of them. Obviously I have to be a bit tactful and not butt in excessively. I also notice he's more careful with his grammar since the kids started school. I certainly correct the kids' poor grammar and he's OK with it. OP maybe if he's somewhat ambitious for the kids' education he won't mind you correcting grammar in that context?

I think the interesting thing about that kind of dialect is that presumably your husband doesn't write in that way? The grammatically correct way of writing would be different. On that basis, I agree that it is absolutely fine to correct your children - it's not just about making sure they "talk properly" but about making sure they understand and are not confused by the rules about how to write grammatically correct English. Of course they need to know how to do this, because it will be expected of them in essays and in many jobs they might do in the future.

I agree that you can't really correct your husband if he doesn't want you to, however. It almost suggests that you find him less intelligent (which I'm sure you don't but may be how it comes across). It would annoy me a little bit because it is incorrect, but I think you just have to accept the man you married!

The thing is, though, that OP's dh does need to make a bit of an effort when he's round the children anyway, because there's so much emphasis on spelling and grammar in school these days. It's not good enough to say that you can leave it to the school to teach grammar. Children are only in school a few hours a day for 38 weeks of the year, so the school can't do it on its own. If they don't get into the habit of decent grammar it will prejudice them when it comes to GCSEs and above.

*maybe it the t then, so it sounds like ate, rather than eight.

But don't they sound the same? confused*
Don't know how else to describe it so your going to have to stay

Agreed Augusta that's what it boils down to for me. To be honest there is a wider debate to be had about "social cleansing" and white working class culture being marginalised . But I would be selfish enough not to want my kids' chances being affected by their grammar and syntax.

You've got me doing it out loud griphook

Like 'twenny ayyy' with just a ghost of a t in there? You would have punched her anyway