to be concerned about my friend's dog's welfare?

[SadlyNotNormal]

A group of us were out for the day yesterday (all couples). I found out in the evening that one of the couples in the group had left their (old, weak-bladdered) dog at home for 15 hours straight, no-one had checked on him all day and he had no way of going to the loo in all that time. I was really upset by this and, as close as I am to my friends, I find this somewhat unforgivable.

AIBU / overreacting? They've been (imo) more neglectful of their pets since the birth of their DD, my friend's DH admitted to hating the dog since the birth and the dog isn't allowed out in the garden anymore so he doesn't contaminate the grass that their DD plays on.

Sounds like they need to rehome the dog. 15 hours is cruel.

No your not wrong they are out of order and if they can't be arsed with the dog they should either rehome it or PTS but not neglect it like that

I'd be having words with them.

Wow that is terrible!' They leave an old dog for that period of time, he isn't allowed outside on the grass and they openly admit to hating him!! They need to regime the poor animal that's no life!!

How old is the dog and what breed? Was it a one off?

Oh just read the bit about the grass?! Do they think the dog pisses out acid?!

That's awful :(

No YADNBU. That's awful and neglect in my view. I admit myself to being less 'googly' over my pets since having DS4, but they are my responsibility and I would never neglect their basic needs e.g. love food water company..15 hours?!!! Wow. Speak to your friend and see if she'd consider rehoming him as he's facing a miserable old age.

YANBU!! Im shocked! People like that should not have the privilege of having a dog

No-one else in my friendship group has said anything which makes me feel as though I'm being overly sensitive (and obviously the couple in question think it's acceptable - when I bought it up yesterday they said "well he's held it in for 12 hours before now"). He's a border collie, around 11 I think, has issues with incontinence which I suspect is stress / anxiety-related. Friends of ours have offered to have him. I wish they'd take them up on it. I have a horrid feeling that he will have been shut in the (not very big) kitchen all day, to add insult to injury (to confine the mess if he makes any).

I don't know how to broach it with them. We're also a tight knit group so I fear being ostracised. How would you tackle it? Any advice appreciated. Currently thinking I could say something along the lines of "I was upset to hear you'd left dog for so long on his own yesterday. I'm sorry, I don't think it's fair on him and it must have been stressful for him to hold it in all day like that. In future let me know if you plan to leave him and I'll check in on him or see if I can find someone who can if we're doing something together. I think you were really unfair on him". It's a difficult situation - she was bridesmaid at my wedding so we're really close. For the most part the dog seems reasonably content but they do seem frustrated by the responsibility of an old dog. She said recently that "we've realised we're not pet people" which I found shocking since they've had the dog since he was a pup and they have a cat too.

How did you find out yesterday op? Did they tell you or one of your other friends?

If they told you then that would have been the golden opportunity to say something. You needn't fall out. Just by expressing your opinion. Id have said something like...."you've left him all that time? (Shocked face). Aww poor lamb, next time we will have to sort something out, let us know and we can arrange for someone to pop round".....

I see this a lot. People who get a dog before they have children then can't be arsed with it after. Boils my piss it does.

Sorry just seen you've said they brought it up yesterday.

While you are totally right OP, I think that what you want to say may actually anger them. Could you instead say that you were worried that their dog was left for so long, as if they are struggling to cope and offer practical solutions and help that way?

I appreciate that you will be biting your tongue somewhat, but there is a risk they may not listen if you are overly critical. (Even though you are quite right). Poor dog.

That's really sad! 15 hours, jesus christ! I feel bad if my dog is left on his tod for more than 4 hours.

YANBU.

YANBU OP. That is fucking vile. 15 hours ffs. Even if its unavoidable to leave him, putting down newspaper for it to wee and 3 bowls of water so it has plenty of drink is the done thing. I've not left a dog that long, longest left current dog is 5 hours and old dog left max of 8 but as said, plenty of water and paper down. With old dog we left back door unlocked and open so dog could go in garden, access to bed, access to drink, and the kitchen door was locked as was the high gates.

As for the not going in garden, what planet are they on. Im assuming they had dog before dc so while dc should come first if dog bites for eg, dc should be brought up knowing theres a dog, not being protected from ever encountering it! ffs dogs and children are fine if watched properly - banning dig from garden because of dc is bonkers and pfb. My mother was very protective over me but never to that ridiculous extent.

15 hours is far too long. I'm helping on a school trip next week and will be out nearly 7 hours, and I've booked a dog walker to come and take my dog out for an hour. It's going to cost less than £10 so there's no excuse.

I'm going to broach it as gently as I can, shortly in fact. I'm popping round in half an hour for a chat as a result of the feedback on here. I love my friend of course, and I don't want to fall out, so these will be the first things I say. I will then express my concern for how he (the dog) must have felt, and offer to either dog sit or find someone else who could. I'm actually shaking and IBS has kicked in. In all the time we've been friends (10 years) we've never fallen out or even had to bring up difficult stuff. I think that needs to change tbh because it gets in the way of our friendship sometimes I'm sure.

Wish me luck, very nervous! :|

Perhaps approach the issue with "oh, when are you taking Dog to FriendX? Thought you'd take up their offer like a shot?!"

Express surprise if she says she's not sure about letting dog go, remind her that she's often moaned about the extra work the dog creates, now she's got child/ren.

Make it all about her, how she's expressed frustration with the dog etc. Don't make it a criticism of how she cares, she could react by not letting the dog go to the friend, because she won't want to be seen as a bad owner to her friendship group.

I agree with putting a positive spin on rehoming the dog.

I had to rehome my much loved dog, because I was too ill to look after her.

It really played on my consious. I'm not a person who sees animals as easily disposable.

They may be struggling with this decision, more than you think.

Just to add, There was a level of neglect for a few months, while I struggled with it, but I though that my dog was better off with me, not being walked, than in a shelter.

This dog has a good home waiting, once I found a good home, I still needed to 'let go'.

Our dog is only one but she is never left longer than two hours. Any longer and either she goes to the mil to be spoiled rotten for a few hours. Call RSPCA, that's awful.

How neglectful! I would def say something, that's like leaving the dog from say 9am til midnight, the poor thing, and in a confined space.

They are a disgrace, the poor dog. I hope it goes well today and they agree to their friends taking him. I bet there is no incontinence when the poor thing isnt left for 15 hours. We had clients that were leaving their dogs for that long, we didnt renew their contract and told them why. I find it amazing youd be the only person in your group upset by this :(

How did go OP? Hopefully they took it well.

Poor bloody dog :(

Update?