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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be concerned about my friend's dog's welfare?

47 replies

SadlyNotNormal · 12/06/2016 09:04

A group of us were out for the day yesterday (all couples). I found out in the evening that one of the couples in the group had left their (old, weak-bladdered) dog at home for 15 hours straight, no-one had checked on him all day and he had no way of going to the loo in all that time. I was really upset by this and, as close as I am to my friends, I find this somewhat unforgivable.

AIBU / overreacting? They've been (imo) more neglectful of their pets since the birth of their DD, my friend's DH admitted to hating the dog since the birth and the dog isn't allowed out in the garden anymore so he doesn't contaminate the grass that their DD plays on.

OP posts:

WhatALoadOfWankers · 13/06/2016 17:59

Good for you OP for saying something
Let us know how it goes

Original poster

SadlyNotNormal · 14/06/2016 07:45

I spoke to my friend over the weekend about it. It was a difficult thing to talk about. She accepted what I said and wasn't at all defensive. She got quite upset. She told me that her heart sank when I asked who was looking after the dog that day. She was hoping no-one would notice. She said I was brave for bringing it up (she knew how nervous I was). She said that she could see how much I care about the dog. I mentioned rehoming (very lightly) and also said that I am always happy to drop by and look after him. I mentioned that it wouldn't cost much to pay someone to do the same if need be (if we were all out together). I also have friends who'd be willing to drop in.

The dog managed to hold himself for 15 hours on Saturday - God knows how. The thing I will say (and I think this how they justified it to themselves) is that he isn't left alone much at all usually because DH is a SAHD so is always home with the animals and DS. It's very unusual for dog to be left on his own (thank God).

The following day at work she said to me that she intends to make more of an effort with the dog. I know the DH gets annoyed with him when he's at home with him all day (I don't get it myself - the dog is lovely). They're going to make more of an effort. I shall be sure to ask after the dog more frequently. The dog does seem happy overall - when I saw him at the weekend he was content (we took him for a little walk and chatted). He's not anxious and doesn't seem unhappy. When I saw him I made a big fuss of him (I nearly cried tbh) and it strengthened my resolve to have the difficult conversation. Anyway - there you have it! Thanks so much for your posts - it's so useful to be able to get a sense of what is reasonable / unreasonable. I found myself doubting myself because no-one else seemed to notice / think it was awful. Your advice is appreciated

OP posts:

ricketytickety · 14/06/2016 07:51

Sounds like you did the right thing

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 14/06/2016 08:07

If things start to slip again, maybe you could mention it to the friends who are willing to adopt?

Aeroflotgirl · 14/06/2016 08:16

Good on you op, it's sounds very cruel, leaving the dog to hold for 15 hours is unacceptable, and can lead to health problems. Ask her, would she hold he wee for 15 hours! Does not sound like they love the dog much, I think they will be more careful now they know you are on the case. Keep checking the dog, if your concerned go to the RSPCA.

Original poster

SadlyNotNormal · 14/06/2016 08:26

Thanks. At least they know I'm watching now - they might have thought previously that I hadn't noticed. It's not an ideal situation, I know. I felt the conversation went as well as it could have done.

OP posts:

maninawomansworld01 · 14/06/2016 16:12

4 hours is the longest that a dog should be regularly left for. For an intelligent breed like a border collie it should be less, we have a collie, some spaniels and a Labrador and the most they are ever alone is 2-3 hours. I think we left them for 7 hours once when we had to travel some distance to a funeral but they had each other for company and a massive house which they have free reign to wander about in.

15 hours is prosecution territory if they're doing it regularly.

Absolutely fucking disgusting behaviour, poor thing need rehoming ASAP to someone who'll care for him.

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 14/06/2016 16:17

Thank goodness there are people in the world like you OP to stand up for vulnerable creatures.

milkbottle · 14/06/2016 16:18

salene put to sleep because they cba with it?!

Aeroflotgirl · 17/06/2016 10:17

Why not bring the subject of rehoming to the friend, there are reputable sites for rehoming dogs, one was recommended to me by a dog enthusiast, as we are looking for an older Golden lab. Some can't look after their dog for genuine reasons: illness, disability, housing situation, death that kind og thing.

Merlin24 · 18/09/2017 15:11

Sadly this happens far too often. Just had a member of family leaving Springer Spaniel for 8 hours plus. With lack of water. Can't believe it!

DJBaggySmalls · 18/09/2017 15:15

YANBU, once a dog is house trained they find it distressing to be forced to use the floor, even if they've never been punished. Things like this always change my opinion of people.

Merlin24 · 18/09/2017 15:50

The RSPCA don't want to know basically. I have supported them in the past but never again. They see nothing wrong with leaving a dog for 12 hours.
Shame that a member of my family thinks it's alright to leave the dog. To add to insult to injury she says she lives the dog. Funny way of showing it. 😆

AngelsSins · 18/09/2017 16:07

Good for you OP, that wasn't an easy thing to do, but, without wishing to sound completely patronising, you should be super proud of yourself

mydogisthebest · 18/09/2017 16:19

I am glad you managed to speak about the dog. I am sure it was not easy.

Hopefully they won't do it again. If they are going out for any length of time they should get someone to call in and let the dog out or walk the dog. Or the dog could go to a sitter. If they, don't have much money they could look at borrow my doggy.

Me and DH would only leave our dog for 4 hours maximum and then not very often. Any longer and he goes to a dog sitter or a friend or neighbour sits in with him.

We once went out supposedly for around 3 hours but got stuck in the most horrendous of traffic jams. We ended up being out for about 6 hours. We couldn't get a signal on our phones so couldn't ask anyone to go round.

When we got home I literally ran from the car into the house. I felt so guilty. Of course the dog was just laying in his bed and looked at me like I was crazy!

Birdsgottafly · 18/09/2017 16:28

Zombie thread!

Interesting though, before I read my comment from last year, I had a different take on it.

Dragongirl10 · 18/09/2017 16:48

Well done op, you did absolutely the right thing for the poor dog...l know its difficult when its a good friend ....BUT l would not ever want to be friends with anyone who could be so very cruel to their pet..

The fact she hoped no one would ask speaks volumes.....cruelty is fine as long as no one calls you out on it.

Oh and l would also report to the RSPCA...

hopefully with your intervention she will be more careful in the future

ShowMePotatoSalad · 18/09/2017 16:50

That's terrible - I would never leave my dog alone for even half that time. Poor little mite.

SalamiSandwich · 18/09/2017 16:57

ZOMBIE THREAD!

Merlin24 · 18/09/2017 17:37

Well if you do have to contact RSPCA hope they are more helpful than there were to me.

Hard when it's friends or family. Leaving a dog for long time.

DistractedByAFatDog · 18/09/2017 17:41

These people are cunts and if any of your friends get Arsey with you for saying something then they're cunts too.

TooGood2BeFalse · 18/09/2017 20:22

A zombie I didn't even know I'd commented on Can see I wasn't down with the lingo, I don't have four sons.I meant my son was 4 years old

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