To refuse to accept and apology and explanation from the hospital that treated my dad so appallingly until they amend the letter they sent me

[Oldsu]

Long story but my dad was misdiagnosed and nearly died, when the mistake was discovered the Hospital lied and tried to cover it up. Its taken a lot of time and effort by me and dads GP to get the hospital to admit liability and to apologise, I got the letter yesterday and quite frankly I am furious.

The letter was addressed to me 'Mrs Oldsu' both consultants were referred to by their title, dads, GP was referred to by her title, but every time they mentioned dad they used his first name, He was very ill when he was in Hospital so did not, could not give permission for the nursing staff to call him by his first name, and to make matters worse his official first name which they insisted on calling him in hospital (despite my objections) is not the one he uses, he hates his first name and uses his middle name in every day life.

I have returned their pathetic excuse for an apology and told them to rewrite it using my dads title, then and only then will I consider the matter closed, BTW my dad and the family are not seeking compensation an apology will do a plus reassurances that procedures are now in place so that it doesn't happen to anyone else's dad.

I am sure there will be medical apologists on here replying saying its some sort of tradition or procedure, I call it lack of courtesy and respect and totally unacceptable.

Actually, rarely for me, I totally understand your grievance. Dr. Whoever and and Mr. Consultant are acknowledged, whilst your dad Jim Charles Smith who is know as Charlie is named wrongly throughout. I get you. It's not the issue but it's one more kick in the teeth

I suspect people are misinformed and think using given names is friendly and warm. It is in fact usually contemptuous and rude unless asked and agreed to.

These "you should be grateful" posts really fuck me off. The op's father has been treated appallingly. The hospital is lucky they are not facing a medical negligence claim and they can't even be arsed to get his name right.

This forelock tugging deference on here contrasts quite sharply with the op's very basic right to have her father treated properly and with respect.

I hope those of you who have been haughtily dismissive or offensive feel ashamed.

YANBU. I, like so many on here, have experience of being called "Mum" repeatedly when bringing my kids to see doctors. It is the same sort of lazy, unmannerly, patronising crap. And they almost killed your dad, they should be more humble and respectful.

I don't think it's some sort of tradition; students are always taught to address older patients as Mr /Mrs etc, unless the patient specifically asks them not to.
TBH the mixed use of titles + first names in the letter, does sounds a tad patronising, but am not sure they would redraft it. Maybe best to just move on. Sorry
Another person who thinks converse' s post is unkind + insensitive.

I respond to Nhs complaints as part of my job. I wouldn't use a first name unless I was writing about a child. It is difficult though because if you always use Mr X it can sound rather cold. So I would tend to say 'your father' rather than a name. I do think though that you need to concentrate on the substance of the letter than this issue. It's a matter of style but is the substance of the letter what you expected?

I would redraft if asked to btw, and apologise for getting it wrong

It is rude. It is common practice now for hospital staff to call all patients by their first name, which I think sloppy & discourteous.

I was brought up to address people by their title plus surname, unless expressly asked to do otherwise, in particular people older than I.

I work in healthcare & always address / refer to patients as Mr/rs/s Bloggs & introduce myself using my title & surname.

YWNBU

NHS complaint handler here too. YADNBU in the least.

Not had a drink. The misdiagnosis is obviously a big problem but the use of a first name rather than surname would not bother me in the slightest. I would focus more on the level of care received, and the impact the misdiagnosis could have had. I am probably overly grateful for even having the NHS when I see what's going on in other parts of the world.

Yes, I'd redraft too.
And apologise for the rudeness of using his first name in the first letter too.

I know what I meant by the use of "fulsome", Dr Bolograph, and believe my meaning would be clear to other readers of this thread, but thank you for taking the time to correct me.

Oldsu, the ONLY thing I'd say to you in mitigation of them is that you've told us (and may have told them) that you're not going to sue, but that doesn't mean you won't/can't change your mind and sue the pants off them; so I imagine any apology would have been written with lawyers at their shoulder and this in mind. No excuse for getting the name wrong, though.

Also, when you work for a big, big organisation (and assume this is the NHS, so pretty huge) the person writing the apology would never have met your dad and would have had no person input into his care and is working from notes left from others. It's not the same, but I work in schools, so a MUCH smaller pool, but letters home about complaints are about the ISSUE and trying to right a wrong or similar, and I've known letters to parents which are hugely sincere about the incident with their child, but are written about "name in the register" rather than "name they are known by". Doesn't mean there wasn't massive upset about getting something wrong and a sincerity to get it right for next time/next child.

But I recognise your situation is different. I'm not knocking you - just trying to show an alternative viewpoint.

The professionals are referred to by full name and title in letter.
Patient is referred to as 'Jimmy'.
1000's of jimmy's pass the through the hospital.

Records show that all named professional apologised to A N Other Jimmy, no record of the real Jimmy.

I can understand that whoever drafted the letter might not have known that your father did not go by his first name, but used his middle name instead. But the whole issue about which of his given names he uses day to day could have been avoided if they simply called him 'Mr Oldsu'. Daft.

I'm an hcp and the first thing I do is introduce myself and ask what they would like me to call them.

I treat people like I'm being filmed for panorama no matter how awful they're being towards me

But the managers who wrote the apology are unlikely to have met your Father or had any real working relationship with him. I'm sorry but I think you might be unrealistic about the NHS here.

YANBU. You wanted an apology and got one, but it's worthless to you because it inherently disrespects and dismisses your father, just like his medical treatment did. I hope you receive a rewritten apology and can then move past this and focus on being with your dad.

I am so sorry this happened and so sorry your father was treated so badly. I don't think you are overreacting and I think the hospital should write a proper apology letter.

Having one's father nearly die due to a misdiagnosis is not a first world problem!

are unlikely to have met your Father or had any real working relationship with him.

All the more reason for "mr oldsu", then. The false intimacy of a given name is even less acceptable from people who have never met you. Would the gas board use your given name on a letter about your tariff?

Yep. And calling it a first world problem is unpleasant and a bit stupid.

Agree that it's even stranger to use his first name if they never met him!

YANBU - until recently I worked within a children's centre. All our patient care systems would have a patients full name on them and then a preferred name. Before contact we would check with the family if we were able which name they would like to be called. However, all correspondence would be addressed to Parent/ Guardian of Child's Full Name. We would then refer to the child by their PREFERRED name within the main text. I would expect any letter from the hospital regarding your dad to refer to him at the beginning by his full name and then throughout the text either with Mr Name. I think it's degrading to refer to your father by his first name and disrespectful - almost like they are dismissive of him

The use of first name rather than surname is the issue though. Not the misdiagnosis. I agree completely that the misdiagnosis is terrible and upsetting.

I agree that day to day it should be (full accept this isn't done everywhere by everyone) introduce yourself to patient/family and ask how they would like to be known. It should be the choice of the paitent/family to decide what they want, if this is done I don't think it shows a lack of respect to refer to them as this, even if it is a first name. It is not ok to assume, and in the case of official correspondance, regardless of what was set up informally people should always be referred to by title and surname!

You shouldn't "be grateful and move on".
How can you do that when they can't even get his name right?

I think the least they'd can do is get his name correct.