Not to have been aware about how ingrained snobbery is in private schools?

[Lottielou7]

I have three dc, all of whom have been in and out of both sectors and I don't see either as uniformly better or worse. It all depends on the school and the individual child.

Recently I decided to move one of my dc from an independent school with 10 in a class to one of our localish state schools which we both had a good feeling about and felt would be right for her. She did very well at the indie school academically and in sports but I moved her because of bullying and stealing and the oppressive atmosphere that resulted.

To cut a long story short, the head wanted to speak to me but didn't seem to want to discuss the bullying (specifically of a child with SN) and glossed over it. She then expressed concern that my child was now having to mix with the great unwashed(!)

I didn't realise indie schools were like this, or perhaps what I meant was I didn't realise this one was

So you are back to talking about one school again.

Seriously, what is your point?

Your child went to what you now believe was a shit school. There is no general point (except possibly how you managed to know so little about a school before entrusting them with your child) but you keep trying to infer that this is some kind of societal example. Which I'm trying to reply to because that's bollocks . And then you say you are not generalising.

What are you trying to say. Really.m

Where did I say that bullying of children with Sen is common in private schools

Right at the start when you said you didn't realise indie schools were like this.

I'm only responding to your posts.

If you stop posting junk about 'private schools' I'll stop responding.

It's also not really inflammatory. It's pretty much you and me disagreeing about whether you are talking bollocks or not.

I went to a state primary in a poorish area.. Was great.
I got a scholarship 100% to a selective independent school..was absolutely fantastic and very normal, plenty of children on scholarships and big encouragement to get things second hand, help out in the community, be grateful for our opportunities and certainly NO mention of anyone being unwashed..how rude and pathetic.
Sounds like the school is led from the top...and not very well. What a poor attitude.

Look, it's obvious that some of these issues are more likely to happen in private schools because they are businesses. Or, perhaps I should say that what I've discovered is that some of these schools decide to put keeping their customers happy above behaving in a way that is ethically right.

This can't happen in state schools to the same extent. In every school there is corruption of some sort at some time. But the conversation I had with the head made me wonder whether the school I attended, which my dcs also attended later was in the minority in terms of its ethos.

Well you've just accused me of being a troll so I'd say that is inflammatory actually.

That pre-supposes that a huge swathe of parents want their children to attend a school where children with SEN are bullied and racism is fine.

Is that likely to be incredibly popular? . Would ofsted and the various education supplements have those school highly ranked? How many potential parents also have children with disabilities ? How many schools have boarders and need to attract chikdren from overseas.

Is small minded bullying, racism and rampant theft likely to be a good business model?

I haven't accused you of being a troll,. I made a joke about your posting being so similar to the shit that Matthew Wright trawls MN for that you could be a crap researcher.

Plus, I tend to think of inflammatory as trying to create a huge reaction in a crowd or audience. Which is not really the case here, is it?

I think that often when people have prejudiced attitudes they don't admit it to themselves or others.

If certain issues are swept under the carpet then prospective parents won't be aware of them. They will be focussing on the results, the facilities, the sports provision and the general feel of the school which is what i did.

I have always spoken to other parents. The head , the teachers and other parents.
I'm surprised that bullying, racism and stealing would also not be common knowledge. I can guarantee that a local school where stealing was rife would be talked about. I can tell you what parents think about half a dozen of the ones nearest me.

If certain issues are swept under the carpet then prospective parents won't be aware of them.

I don't think it would take long to figure out the bullying and stealing though. Would it. You may have had a bad experience in one school. But you can't say that for every independent school based on that one experience.

You can speak to other parents but their opinions are subjective - anyone's are.

The impression I had from this conversation is the idea my dd must be having an awful time in her new school, when, in fact she chose it herself over another girls school that we looked at (although, admittedly she would have had to board there and didn't want to which may have swayed it).

I don't think it's unreasonable for me to feel that this idea may be part of a wider general attitude because of the casual way that it was raised.

Bullying, racism and stealing can be very covert. Particularly when people look the other way. There is almost nobody who will admit they are a racist.

Oh so theres lots of underlying racism at private schools too now is there? Okedokee. Bloody private schools eh. Dens of stealing, bullying and racisim. Crikey. I never knew

I went to two private schools - one was a "feeder" school for places like Eton and had plenty of nasty snobbish kids (who I heard making racist, sexist, elitist comments) and a few awful teachers. The other was much less posh, more inclusive.

There was definitely worse bullying at the local comp, but it was a much bigger school (4x size).

I was bullied horribly in the short time I went to our local state high school but in those days bullies didn't seem to be dealt with as efficiently as today as far as I can see.

The impression I get from various people is that this girls school doesn't want to upset paying customers. The year group is small so I can understand this but to not address the problem of a child with SEN being treated cruelly shows a lack of compassion IMO.

Private schools are snobbish?? This is a game-changer! Who knew??

It remains ridiculous to meet one unpleasant head and have one bad experience at a private school and then come on to MN with done golly gosh I never knew stuff about probably all private schools being like this, or maybe not, but they probably are because it can be covert but then I never said all but after all they are a business and gosh how was I supposed to know......

I was going to type out a long reply explaining how wrong you are op. But I'll just sum it up. What a load of bollocks.

Perhaps I was not clear enough in the beginning.

When I had to move her from the original school, I made enquiries about independent schools nearby. There was one in particular which I avoided because of the advice of other parents and also recent school leavers that it was full of entitled dish eat dog families. The one I eventually chose turned out not to be how I expected. My first impression of the head was very good. My impression of the school at the time is that it was non pretentious and had a homely feel to it.

Since then a number of people have mentioned to me that the original school which I also attended was stand alone in its general ethos. Obviously I don't know what every independent school is like, which is why I posted to see what other people's experiences are.

Lurked - I'm happy to accept I may be wrong. In fact, I hope I am.

It's not just ingrained in private schools though.

Local threads are full of people asking for the best state schools and people say oh no there it's in a deprived area.

Someone said recently that it was a pro and a con that the school got extra resources as it has lots of children with problem backgrounds.

Massive snobbery seems acceptable, and it's seen as fine to ask if a school is in a "good" area ie not poor.

Most people try to send their kids to schools that are full of high achieving kids. If your kid doesn't have SENs then it's unlikely you will give a shit about the SEN provision. If your kid is a robust type who has never been bullied then it's unlikely you will give a toss about the anti bullying record and pastoral support.

And if your child does have SENs, and you send them to private school, then it's likely you will choose one with good support and a good understanding of their needs. Doesn't mean all, or even the majority, of private schools will be like that though.

Fanjo - you're absolutely right. I completely agree about that.

Tinkly - My daughter hasn't been bullied but she and I still feel uncomfortable about what is happening to others at the school. I think it's a sad state of affairs when a child of 11 is self harming and there's not even any involvement from CAMHS. And that the child with SEN is bullied and there has been no attempt to resolve it. I certainly don't feel that because my daughter hasn't been a target for bullying (luckily) I am not bothered about whether the school's pastoral approach is any good.