To be sad, hurt and angry about being dumped from girly holiday?

[Tlb71]

My first post so forgive me if I fluff any etiquette issues. I have been part of a group of friends for 3 years and we go out for dinner every month. I met them through my SIL at her hen do years ago and when we moved to the area SIL invited me to join them. It's been lovely thus far and I haven't been aware of any issues. It is tradition for the group to go away for major birthdays and this year Dubrovnik was chosen as the destination for one of the girls 50th birthday celebrations. This was mooted in Jan and I was about to go away for three months with DH and DS to Aus to see his mum but I said I'd go with the consensus re accommodation options and I' wasn't fussy. Our first dinner since we got back we talked about Dubrovnik and was asked if I still wanted to go - I said yes, very excited. I had a txt the next day from the girl arranging the travel to give me flight details to book and accommodation options - I said I didn't mind and would again go with the consensus but one villa was particularly lovely. Then another group txt came through to say there was concern over costs and to hold on. Then I got a txt from the birthday girl saying that as I was now coming it means that the accommodation they were looking at wasn't big enough and they would now need a more expensive option. She didn't think it was 'fair to ask the others to pay more and it would be best if I didn't go. Sorry xx'. This contradicts the txt from the other girl slightly and I'm not sure I've been given a straight story - I don't think the detail matters. I haven't responded but I've not heard from my SIL who I'm assuming was aware of the discussion the others had. Not sure what to do - DH is furious with SIL (they're not particularly close).

Another one wondering how much you were in contact during your 3 months out of the country. If you were in regular touch, and confirming your attendance/details, then they are being pretty horrible. If you just vanished off the radar, then they may have felt rather ignored themselves, and assumed you were no longer interested, especially if they were finding lots of places to stay that would work for the people actively planning it, and very little if they included the person out of touch.

Sounds like birthday woman wants to be the Queen bee. I wouldn't go with them now, even if they reinvite you. Make a romantic break away with your Dh. It will be much better than a "girls" who are they trying to kid break away.

Message her back and say gosh you really are a cunt like the others said! Even if they've said nothing it will play on her mind. It's the least she deserves.
for you op.

Have you been in touch with any one in the group yet OP?

What a horrible thing to do to someone.
Definitely send a group text. Don't send one saying well fuck you too you cunty bitch

Andy lions response is good, its bold calm and factual.

Fishface - brilliant!

But what a horrible situ. have you spoken to anyone else?

Have a lovely trip with DH, and sod the lot of them.

Wow, that's horrible of them. Take a step back, you don't need the grief. I hope you have a lovely holiday with your DH.

Like the idea of a group text.

How horrible op.

Been there numerous times - let me know if you need some tips ! It's really lovely, but one thing never pointed out in any brochure is that there is no natural sandy beach of any real size for about 60km in each direction, so if that's what you want, look elsewhere. The city itself is breathtakingly beautiful, the Croatians lovely, and the food and drink sublime.

No YANBU.
I'd say send AndyLions text but not the last line about not bothering. I'd add that you are terribly hurt and won't bother them further.
Then you and your DH book first class on the flight so you can wave as ushered past them in the airport into the 'wearebetterthanyoupeasants' lounge.
Have a wonderful time.
Rave about it to your sil when next you are her but not too much, have a few things you couldn't possibly say then both you and your dh giggle but dont say why.

See her not are her.
Pesky autocorrect.

I bet you are imagining all sorts - I would be and have done in similar situations. At the root of it, whatever happened or happens, you've been hurt. Personally, I would want to make them hurt and embarrassed whole knowing it wasn't going to actually help anything.

I think it's fine to text to the group and say something factual but very restrained, "Sad I won't be with you on x's birthday trip." But I think you will be glad later if you manage to avoid hitting back. And definitely try talking to sil if you feel you can trust her. At best, they were thoughtless, which tbh hurts just as much but it's a bit easier to move on from.

Poor you. Sometimes it would be nice to live on a tiny island.

Birthday girl sounds amazingly thoughtless and arrogant to me. Stay classy! How about replying with something like - Thanks for letting me know that you'd rather I didn't come. Misunderstandings happen, I suppose, but I'm disappointed, I had been looking forward to it since January. Have a lovely time and a happy birthday.

And then delete her from your phone/life. Your DH sounds nice.

Any update OP?
If not I'd contact your SIL direct. They do sound very thoughtless, but I always feel it's best not to go nuclear until you know all the information.

Yeah I'd send a group 'well I'm disappointed to be uninvited from this trip as I'd been looking forward to it since January. Have a lovely time'.

I think it will go two ways. The rest of them will wonder why you've been uninvited and the birthday girl is going to be rumbled or you'll find they're all in it, in which case you're better off without them.

What about a group text saying 'Have a lovely birthday! You deserve it (subtext: you don't). I understand that you need a bigger villa (subtext: for your enormous arse). Safe travels (subtext: I may boobytrap your plane)!

Or you could just tell her that you hope her next poo is a hedgehog then block her number.

Very bitchy text

I like millymaid's suggestion. It gets the point across, but in a very mature and non-petulant way.

That is an awful text to receive, totally unacceptable. I would respond and say how unexpected receiving that text was and how hurt and awkward it's made you feel.

Keep it short and to the point. They deserve to feel really shitty about how they've behaved.

Any update?

Just read fishface's response. Go with that, they are a shower of cunts!

That's very sensible and mature flower mother. However my vote goes to hedgehog poo :o

YANBU. What a pack of batches. Andylion has a perfect response

Jesus, it's like being back in school!! Personally I would start organising my very own birthday trip away, and invite everyone except the Birthday Bitch - if she's that bothered about having to spend time with you, then she'll be grateful

Ooh sorry I forgot your flowers! have some cake to make up for it! X