to hate weddings?!

[milkyface]

AIBU to hate weddings?

I am always happy for the couple in question don't get me wrong but weddings just don't do it for me!

There's the looooong ceremony (especially if in a church) and then the undoubtedly long wait for the probably crap food. All the people you haven't seen in years who you can't really be arsed talking to.
All the questions of when it's your turn ask my fucking boyfriend and then staying in an overpriced hotel room because the venues in the arse end of nowhere

Aibu? Or have I just not been to many decent weddings? I reckon I might quite like an 'alternative' one?!

--Or am I just a miserable bitch

Sonders "Proteus Why am I spending all my money? Because I want to."

That's fine, that's your prerogative - but then don't moan or be surprised that other people aren't sufficiently 'grateful' or appreciative of that.

It's your choice to spend all of your money on one day but you ought to recognise that it is not important to anyone except you (and possibly your parents, if you are unfortunate enough to have parents who care about that sort of thing - luckily mine don't).

Lots of your guests will be indifferent at best about being there. Best recognise that now- they are doing YOU a favour by being there, not the other way round.

Personally I find 'quirky' weddings even more awful than conventional ones because you're also meant to fall all over yourselves congratulating them on being so clever and unique for having fish and chips in paper cones or a 1920s photo booth or whatever.

I couldn't agree more with your post Proteus.

sonders I do try to keep an open mind and some weddings have been better than others....

I have been to one which was afternoon tea for the meal. That was 1000000 times better than onion soup/chicken/trio of desserts.

NickiFury im guessing you don't get invited to many weddings...?

Oh yes the "we had our reception in the village hall with home made bunting and punch in jam jars and afterwards danced in a tent in my parents nearby garden till the wee hours"

The ENVY!

They're grim and boring. They used to be fun. All got too obsessive and formal now and despite the thousands of pounds paid out to some venue or other, the food is indeed shit and takes an age coming.

I got married in a Register Office, sandwiches and drinks back at our flat afterwards, then the oldies left and the rest of us played music, danced and got drunk all night. The event itself took ten minutes and the whole thing probably cost less than one flower arrangement on one table would, now. Everyone said it was the best wedding they ever went to.

I'm not moaning that I'm spending all my money because if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't do it. I just didn't realise that so many people thought celebrating something so very important to their friends or family was a chore.

I've never felt obliged to attend a wedding, and have always been really thankful that someone want me to be a part of their celebration.

I'll try to remember that people who put effort in to try and make their day memorable for their guests are wasting their time, the happiest day of their lives is regarded as 'awful' and none of the guests want to be there.

quite a few actually.

I was at a wedding theother year (big elaborate one) and someone else who got married in the 80s said their wedding is also the one everyone who knows them still talks about as the best they ever went to. Another quick Register Office, followed by pies and peas in a pub then they all went to play in the park.

It's not envy we feel - I don't envy anyone saddling themselves either with debt or memories of a day that cost thousands and wasn't really very memorable or great. But interesting how we spent the entire reception remembering better weddings we'd been to - all of which involved minimal expenditure. I think it's more meanigful when it's not about the dress and the flowers and the poncy (but always somehow disappointing) venue - but about being surrounded by your best friends and favourite family, and just all relaxing and having fun rather than formality.

Ah yes and the church wedding we were at (of two non churchgoers) was constantly punctuated by the vicar begging for money.

(I asked my husband to pulla button off something and stick that in the collection plate, just simply because the vicar was being a dick).

I've actually just written a post about a specific incident regarding a wedding I was asked to attend that would make all of your hair turn white, but it's very recognisable and would hurt the feelings of the bride if she read it so I won't. I will only say that it would have cost me an absolute fortune put me to huge inconvenience and when I refused the tears and tantrums were epic.

Joffrey- your guests may well have simply been upholding the traditional wedding guest line of 'It's the best wedding we've ever been to!'- most of them probably said the same thing at all the other weddings they attended.

Inertia I totally agree.

Check this out:
www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=%22it+was+the+best+wedding+they+had+ever+been+to%22

Milkyface
I had a big wedding all booked and got so bloody stressed out and cancelled the whole thing. That was well over two years ago. We didn't split up but it wasn't the right time to get married, nor did we truly want the whole big day thing.

I haven't been to many weddings, I've rsvp'd no that many times that people have simply stopped inviting me to these things which suits me. Of the weddings I've actually been to every one of them was huge and every one of them featured a cheesed off bride. One bride had an argument with her mother about the colour of her wedding dress on the morning of her wedding. I had never met this bride of her fiancé before yet I had to attend the wedding with my parents. Another bride got pissed off with the groom and grabbed her very drunk MIL and walked out of the reception venue only to storm back in sometime later and avoid the groom for the rest of the evening.

Another bride threw a wobbler over seating arrangements the night before the wedding which carried on into the actual wedding. Her argument was that her friends had to take a backseat while the grooms aging aunts and uncles were seated towards the top table. The truth is both her friends and the grooms aging relatives were perfectly happy either way but she was livid and was sitting at the top table absolutely seething.

The truth is i believe all of these arguments were down to the amount of stress that a big wedding causes.

Then there's the financial side of things. Do I really want to be paying my wedding off for years to come. One day, that's all a wedding is, yet couples can get into major debt over it.

I've been through a lot on the last few years and it's all taught me that some things are important and some things aren't. I don't want a 'big day', I don't want people in my pictures who haven't bothered phoning me in years. We are booking a church, I will wear a dress and him a suit and the kids will be in dresses. We will have 20 people max and will book a few restaurant tables for afterwards.

Instead of a party I think I'd do something a bit different with my guests, dunno what yet. No fancy cars, no faffing around, just me and him and the people who we want there.

Great wedding rules:

Keep it all really short. Ceremony, speeches, photos, the day itself. I once went to a 15 hour long wedding. I reckon 6 hours is ideal.

Loads of tasty food, served promptly. Give people a choice but organise it so there arent huge buffet queues for example. Or do a quick few hours long jobby with nibbles.

Don't make people piss about going to different venues unless they're within 10 min walking distance.

If you have kids there make sure there's stuff for them to do. My friends who had kids before getting married have been brilliant at this.

Any others?

My mum went to a big wedding once where the brides sister got so shit faced and told the bride to F off.

I love weddings. Also a sucker for a good jelly and icecream / pass the parcel childs' party.

Endless standing about/circling rooms looking for your partner/friend/the bride/the groom.

start a conversation with someone. If they're boring, move on. I like it.

Fending off drunken idiots.

Perhaps we move in different circles

Food by numbers.

No such thing as bad food. Just good and better. Are we talking sausage rolls and sandwiches or steak a la minute for 200? Either way, mmm.

Terrible DJs.

Better than no DJ!

The church bit is shit although however disingenuous religion is, the buildings are usually interesting. I see going to church as penance for the rest of the day. Some weddings are better than others but I haven't been to one I didn't enjoy in some way.

I hate them. There seems to be an increasing trend for not considering the guests... Or maybe it's just the people we know. 😁

I'm talking things like driving for an hour plus between church and venue, being sat in another room from the main party at the reception, walking for 10 minutes to get to toilets, weddings at Christmas, evening receptions in the middle of bloody nowhere, freezing teepees, a mouthful of food each at a share buffet, etc.

It's all about the image these days, isn't it? Or maybe I'm just really old.

LOL no - they still say it over 30 years on.

Let's say it was memorable .

I think what I also dislike is the hypocrisy of people, wanting to get married in church for the pretty backdrop, when they're not remotely religious. The last wedding I went to happened to be in the parish church where I could have got married but thought it was obscene, doing that, as an atheist and that was over 30 years ago. I know the hypocrisy of it bothered a few other people around my age, as well. (Because some relatives of the groom who were around our age had this conversation with us - wtf are they doing getting married in a church?) So that wasn't just me, either.

I think the thing has lost all meaning, anyway and yet the more it has lost all meaning and the more temporary marriage becomes, the bigger and more extravagant the weddings.

We live in a tourist trap which is the go to destination for drunken stags and hens from the next two counties... So the whole increase in the ritual aspect of it, really intrigues me as we live (rightly) in a more secular society than ever - and few marriages will survive 30 odd years, let's be honest - why spend the money? Maybe I'm just too pragmatic. (Or sick of seeing Geordies vomiting in the street in town).

I would rather go to a kids party ten times over!

Great rules puglife

Don't choose a venue in the arse end of nowhere therefore forcing people to stay

I just realised I may have sounded a bit defensive, it just feels as though it's a un-winnable situation. I don't think I've been to a bad wedding, and maybe luckily the out-of-the-box weddings I've attended have so far been different boxes (barn, country hotel, stately home...) and so I'm not bored of repeats.

I also don't agree that cheaper weddings are the best by default but I do think that it's the more relaxed ones that are memorable. I'm not saying that either because my wedding is an expensive one, as it's definitely the lowest end of the average wedding these days and under Don't Tell The Bride budget

In my head, I'm imagining some of you being DPs aunts and uncles who I've never met (but DP wanted to invite), and have unexpectedly RSVP'd with yes because they think they're obligated.

At least we've got everything on puglife's list!

Fending off drunken idiots.

Perhaps we move in different circles

What a very snotty comment. Anyway, one of the issues with weddings is that they can force together people who normally do NOT move in the same circles.

Food by numbers.

No such thing as bad food.

Is there not? I must have imagined all the terrible food I've eaten in my life then. Silly me.

Terrible DJs.

Better than no DJ!

No. Really, no.

There you go then sonders you're onto a winner!

Like I say it's not personal for me.

I don't think oh so and so had a shit wedding what terrible taste they have oh they've wasted my day!

I just think when's this ceremony gonna finish, when are we eating, oh this chicken is a bit dry, right lets get a drink have a dance and go to bed. Or I might think we'll I would have had different flowers or a different car or whatever.

And I would never ever let on that I didn't enjoy it or say that I didn't like anything about it, I would never want to put a dampener on things even if it was terrible

I love weddings

I dress up, look good, get to see family or old friends, meet new ones, have a good time, drink eat dance, and it's generally a very happy occasion. At worst, I can spend a couple of hours chatting with my husband in front of a drink (actually spent pretty much an entire wedding that way, the bride was the only one who could speak English fluently. Still had a fab time, it was hilarious and guests were lovely!). I do like a religious wedding, especially if it's not my own, it's always interesting.

I am not a huge fan of the tacky show-off ones, where all the money goes into flowers and the wedding party disappear for hours to take photos, but to be fair, I only saw a couple of those. Weddings are normally good fun, in gorgeous venues, I thankfully don't have many show-off friends. The hardest part is to prevent one of my kid to jump in the water if there is a swimming pool/ pond/ river in the area, but we seem to have managed so far.

The fanciest wedding I have been was when my boss got married, we spent the day recognising celebrities. (not Hollywood Star, just someone you might have seen on the BBC, that kind of things).