to hate weddings?!

[milkyface]

AIBU to hate weddings?

I am always happy for the couple in question don't get me wrong but weddings just don't do it for me!

There's the looooong ceremony (especially if in a church) and then the undoubtedly long wait for the probably crap food. All the people you haven't seen in years who you can't really be arsed talking to.
All the questions of when it's your turn ask my fucking boyfriend and then staying in an overpriced hotel room because the venues in the arse end of nowhere

Aibu? Or have I just not been to many decent weddings? I reckon I might quite like an 'alternative' one?!

--Or am I just a miserable bitch

shark we usually get save the dates 6 months plus in advance.

In fact every wedding I've ever been to has had this kind of notice.

Also - family gatherings parties etc are totally different.

No long ceremony - no waiting around while pictures are taken - no crap meal (usually) not as structured really. Usually you know everyone and usually not a sit down at a table and make friends with these strangers kind of thing.

Totally different imo

squoosh anyone who knows me IRL would be very amused by the image of me trotting anywhere like an obedient little lamb!

It's really not as easy as that. The majority of the weddings I've been to in the past 10-15 years, either me, DH, or one of the kids has been involved as a member of the wedding party (bridesmaid, flower girl, page boy, etc.) and those are pretty much impossible to turn down. They also eat up vast amounts of your life in dress fittings, getting shoes for kids, hotel room bookings, blah blah blah.

I don't know what your current situation is (are you married/partnered, do you have children, etc.) but it was a lot easier for me to decline invitations when I was young, free, and single, than it is now.

These days I have far more serious obligations and it's a far bigger deal to, for example, stop my children from attending a wedding when their grandparents are DESPERATE to show them off - and sometimes when it's the last event that an elderly relative on their last legs is likely to attend. There is an entire web of social obligation that you seem not to understand.

Also people often send out 'save the dates' months or even years in advance - I had one 15 months before the date. It's not very easy to come up with a convincing excuse for that far in the future.

Helipad .

I can think of an Irish-Finnish couple I know who haven't got married precisely because they envisage that the kind of mash-up of Irish and Finnish wedding traditions both families would expect would be literally unbearable.

Though I suppose you could combine the good bits. A v brief church bit with a lot of drink before the foot-fondling and bad music, and if you do it in Ireland, the lack of aircon is less likely to be an issue...?

I've always found tht there's an inverse relationship between how much fun someone is andvhow much they hate weddings.

All these demands for original experiences and sneering if originality is attempted, complaining about the food your supposed friends have served you, whinging about the entertainment, the company.

It's a party.

If you like the person enough to le them spend their money on feeding and entertsining you all day, then go andhave fun.

If yiu are going tonbe made miserable by everything they have done when planning theirvparty, don't go.

IME Irish weddings are fantastic fun.

But nothingis ever fun if you are dtermined to have a shit time and think weddings are beneath yiu.

'Also people often send out 'save the dates' months or even years in advance - I had one 15 months before the date. It's not very easy to come up with a convincing excuse for that far in the future.'

Then just don't respond and when you get the invitation, make up an excuse.

I've just remembered that a wedding I went to when I was still at school, I was hit on by the best man after the rehearsal nonsense. (I told him to eff off but politely because I was nicer then). Maybe that explains my deep seated dislike of weddings. Bear in mind, I was a kid and he was... not.

By 'went to' I mean I was a bridesmaid. Which was a humiliating experience. I was kidnapped by the bride and taken with her to the day before Hair Appointment. In a very hillbilly town where the fashoons were clearly in a time warp. I had this prissy hair do that took me months to grow out. Loathed it.

Anyone who sends a save the date 15 months in advance is clearly a weirdo who must be avoided at ALL COSTS.

I might send save the dates for my wedding to Chris Hemsworth in 5 years time. That will give me enough time to track him down, break up his marriage, use the black arts to make him fall in love with me and tie the knot.

Woah woah WOAH. doinit i don't think anyone said weddings we're beneath them.

Christ on a bike are we not allowed to dislike something without having our characters assassinated?!

male guests suddenly burst in with head masks and kidnap the bride. Then the groom has to do stupid things to earn his DW back.

Oh God. Sounds like some awful team building day. Except at a wedding!

*were

*It's a party.

If you like the person enough to le them spend their money on feeding and entertsining you all day, then go andhave fun.

If yiu are going tonbe made miserable by everything they have done when planning theirvparty, don't go.*

Being bored is not the same as being miserable, though. And it's not a party - I've never been to a party that involved a church service, lots of standing around with no food, drink or music, a two hour rubber chicken dinner on a table with people I don't know, and lots of speeches. The ones that are most like an actual party have always been the most enjoyable.

It's a party.

Yes, but it's invariably a shit party, with mediocre food, a room full of people you barely know (but can't embarrass yourself in front of) and lowest common denominator music.

I'm not really sure why so many on here are offended by the idea that someone out there in the big wide world doesn't like weddings.

Fending off drunken idiots.

Perhaps we move in different circles

The drunken idiots I saw at one wedding would have considered themselves very firmly as upper middle class. They were still twats.

Claddagh yes, a combo of best bits would work, lol. In fact, that's what we did in our wedding.

Squoosh That's it! Teambuilding type of thing. It gets specially gringetastic when no-one wants to volunteer.

Excuse for all the previous typos.

I absolutely loathe weddings and I really hate the assumption that although a lot of people seem to dislike going to weddings, some bride and grooms think their wedding is the exception and everyone's going to be delighted to come along even though they hated going to other people's

squoosh "Anyone who sends a save the date 15 months in advance is clearly a weirdo who must be avoided at ALL COSTS."

I agree, but you've responded to that bit of my post and ignored the bulk of it, which was all in response to your suggestion that people simply turn down invitations. What about the social obligations? What about when you have children who want to go, and an extended family who are desperate for them to be there? When there's emotional weight caused by relatives who are 'not long for this world'? When your daughter's been asked to be a bridesmaid?

You conveniently skipped over all of that, because it rather detracts from your "ha ha just say no, you're all idiots" line of argument.

Oh God, I do beg your pardon. Let me r-read your essay and get back to you.

I am just curious: do people who hate wedding also dislike family gatherings? The big ones with all the family for a golden wedding anniversary, or someone big birthday etc? For me, there's not much difference at all, and I like both!

And there lies the problem. The glittery family only do weddings and funerals.
They've been chopping at the bit for about 10 years for me and my cousins to get married so they can get together

squoosh Funny how you've got endless time to post on this thread, but being expected to read any replies to your posts is just so boooooring and tedious.

Well I love going to parties with people I like to celebrate important milestones for people I care about.

I don't really care how they choose to do it, and if it's going to be a pita I just decline the invitation to the party.

Why decide you are socially obliged to go to something and then go determined to have a shit time?

How fucking miserable and moany can you get?

No bride or groom wants you there with a face like a slapped arse wearing a fascinator turning your nose up at free food and drink.

There is a social obligation not to be a shit guest.

Why decide you are socially obliged to go to something and then go determined to have a shit time? You don't really decide to be socially obliged, you just are. SIL is getting married this year. DH and I really don't want to go. If we don't go, the fallout and fall out will be absolutely huge. So we feel obliged to go.

How fucking miserable and moany can you get? Yeah, pretty moany and miserable when I'm obliged to waste an entire weekend plus an annual leave plus throw about about £400 on an event I have no interest in just to make other people happy and avoid them hating me.

No bride or groom wants you there with a face like a slapped arse wearing a fascinator turning your nose up at free food and drink Maybe, then be conscious that not everyone enjoys weddings and don't bother inviting people you genuinely think wouldn't enjoy it. SIL knows that a wedding is mine and DH's idea of hell but we're still invited. This is because social obligation works both ways. She feels obliged to invite us, we feel obliged to go.

There is a social obligation not to be a shit guest See above.

You miss the point DoItFine . What on earth makes you think anyone here makes those feelings known to anyone at the event?

We go and are pleasant and nice to the people there and are perfectly good guests. This thread here is a place to be honest and to vent anonymously.

You care more about people hating you than that £400 or that weekend.

Those are your priorities. Your choice.

Given that you are determined to go, you coukd at least not be a dick about it.