to hate weddings?!

[milkyface]

AIBU to hate weddings?

I am always happy for the couple in question don't get me wrong but weddings just don't do it for me!

There's the looooong ceremony (especially if in a church) and then the undoubtedly long wait for the probably crap food. All the people you haven't seen in years who you can't really be arsed talking to.
All the questions of when it's your turn ask my fucking boyfriend and then staying in an overpriced hotel room because the venues in the arse end of nowhere

Aibu? Or have I just not been to many decent weddings? I reckon I might quite like an 'alternative' one?!

--Or am I just a miserable bitch

Well doinit am I right?

Aww, poor Doinit. I hope you had a lovely time on your big day despite all the ungrateful shit guests and felt like a pwoper pwincess!

Seriously... spend £20000 if you can spare it without forethought and have the day you want to your hearts content, for YOU! And enjoy it.

But don't spend that money that you really can't afford and when it becomes almost begrudgingly done, with the intent of feeling like you're doing everyone a favour and expect them all to be overjoyed and thankful to be controlled for an entire weekend at your whim, but at their expense.

And then to top it all, after the wedding expect everyone to agree it was the event of the century which no one else could've thought up, and expect others to constantly praise it. Even though when you checked out of the venue, they were setting up an identikit wedding for another set of guests.

These are the weddings I generally don't enjoy. There are some other people here who just don't like them, and the way they found this out...why they went to a few weddings....!!!!

Seriously it's ok to turn to a fairly OTT emotional bride and say - I'm not coming because I just don't like weddings?

There'll be a series of possible responses:

They'll take it personally that you don't want to come because you don't like them;

They'll take it personally because their wedding is going to be totally different to all those boring weddings, because they'll have a chocolate fountain;

They'll take it personally because in my experience with weddings like these - it's all about them and YABU not to make it all about them.

*Seriously it's ok to turn to a fairly OTT emotional bride and say - I'm not coming because I just don't like weddings?

There'll be a series of possible responses:

They'll take it personally that you don't want to come because you don't like them;

They'll take it personally because their wedding is going to be totally different to all those boring weddings, because they'll have a chocolate fountain;*

They'll take it personally because in my experience with weddings like these - it's all about them and YABU not to make it all about them.

And that's exactly why I don't turn invitations down.

Wimps.

Yes but wimps with a tiny mouthful of summer berry cheesecake Squoosh

I couldn't decline a wedding invitation, especially for family. It's easier to just go and suffer it for a day than get involved in all the politics of why you went to X's wedding but not Y's.

I always look forward to weddings but they are usually disappointing because brides plan the exciting (to them) bits well but ignore the bits the guests will find boring. No, I don't want to stand around for hours while your photographer gets 500 pics of various family members lined up in posed rows, forcing cheesy grins. How about you sort out some background music, chairs and nibbles while we wait?

Overall there's too much waiting and I'm not patient. I quite like the socialising bit though, I love spending time with my family and it's nice to meet new people. I've found a lot of Brits aren't good at socialising until you get a bit of booze down them though, so weddings need to move quickly or people get real miserable real fast.

I don't mind how expensive or cheap the wedding is, just spend what you want and what you can afford, because it's really all about the vibe created by the bride and groom on the day.

I like wedding receptions when there is a bar and a decent DJ and buffet and there is a good laid back knees up.

Hate the ones with no music, sit down meals and loads of speeches.

BIL's wedding was pretty bad for me, they only served wine with lunch, it was a sit down meal and the speeches lasted forever. After lunch we sat in the massive grounds drinking OJ and maybe there was more white wine, no music. That bored me silly.

No to personalised vows. They make me cringe in embarrassment. No to Dire Straits' Romeo and Juliet being played. And no to children's poems (like Dr Seuss) or books like The Gruffalo being read as a reading.

Dr Seuss and the gruffalo?!

What weddings are you going to?

I'm planning a wedding and can't wait. I'm lucky enough to have a big budget so we are doing exactly what we want. In the middle of a city so transport and hotels easy if needed. Church across the road from reception venue so surely no gripes there?

Church ceremony at 2pm
Canapés and champagne for an hour
Sit down three course meal an hour and a half wine on tap
Speeches about 30 mins
Champagne toast
Evening do with DJ and free booze, loads more food and cake

Come on MN- tell me what you'd hate about that?

No money begging poem in invitation either

Plus if someone declines the invitation I can honestly say unless it was one of my parents then I really couldn't care less. People have lives. My wedding may be super exciting to me (and I love planning it) but if someone couldn't make it as long as they RSVPd within a reasonable time so we didn't lose £££ paying for a no show I wouldn't give it a second thought.

peppermintea Good start time. Good that you're doing canapés and champagne that's usually the 'milling around' bit so good that you're filling it!

Good that church is over road from venue.
Plenty of food always good.

But.... Are you having a trio of desserts?

I can't guarantee that I wouldn't hate it but I don't like weddings! I'm sure anyone who does like weddings will throroughly themselves! Seems very little opportunity to get bored or hungry which seem to be the main things people complain about!

That's very mature of you, Peppermintea. I've sat through enough family weddings so if I ever have one I expect them ALL there to return the favour

Good luck with your wedding and marriage

I haven't yet decided on the desserts but am tempted to choose a trio and see if I spot any secret MNetters at the table smirking as they come out!

Personally I think a trio of desserts sounds divine- I'll make sure I include a melted sorbet and then try and spot myself being moaned about on an AIBU thread. The more I think about it the more I actually would LOVE to find a thread about my wedding on AIBU I'd be weirdly proud.

Fiance and myself (this is going to sound bad because it is) love moaning and picking fault in weddings and events. We just enjoy it. We've decided we can't spoil our guests fun by giving them NOTHING to moan about. It's part of the enjoyment isn't it?

Haha! I like your attitude!

Then you have to get the money wishing well Peppermint

Church ceremony at 2pm - are you religious?
Canapés and champagne for an hour - that's a long time to hang around doing nothing, looking around in vain for a teenage waiter/waitress with a half-empty tray
Sit down three course meal an hour and a half wine on tap - an hour and a half is a long time to make conversation with boring people
Speeches about 30 mins - don't want to listen to hilarious tales of the groom's teenage high jinks and/or sentimental blah about the bride for half an hour. Just thank everyone for coming, thank people for help with specific tasks, do a toast, and that should be it
Champagne toast - just do this instead of the speeches
Evening do with DJ and free booze, loads more food and cake - why would anyone need more food if they've just spent 2 hours with champagne, canapes, and a three course meal? Also the playlist is bound to be terrible.

Come on MN- tell me what you'd hate about that?

See above

Big wedding does not = better marriage

Proteus

Yes I am religious.

An hour drinking champagne in the afternoon is not appealing to you? Are you teetotal?

There won't be any boring people invited, the guests all know each other so it's a 90 minute meal with friends.

I love speeches. They're a chance to talk about what the couples relationship is really about I find them moving and entertaining. And if you were offended it's only half an hour to grit your teeth through.

All food and drink is optional. If you are upset at the prospect of eating you won't be forced fed. The DJ is great and we are putting the playlist together ourselves.

Oh- and we aren't going to invite anyone dead set on hating every single second of a joyful celebration so cheers!

FarAwayHills

I couldn't agree more. The thing I am most excited about with our wedding is actually being married and committing to spending my life with the man I truly love. Soppy but true. That's what it's all about for me and I can't wait to have a huge party to celebrate that.

"An hour drinking champagne in the afternoon is not appealing to you? Are you teetotal?"

Hahahaha. I'm writing this while swigging sherry (sadly true).

No, I'm not teetotal, but I've been to a LOT of weddings and similar events. there is never enough booze or canapes going round.

"There won't be any boring people invited, the guests all know each other so it's a 90 minute meal with friends."

What, literally? All of your university/school friends know the groom's great-auntie, do they?

"I love speeches. They're a chance to talk about what the couples relationship is really about I find them moving and entertaining. And if you were offended it's only half an hour to grit your teeth through."

You asked what people would dislike. I answered truthfully. People hate this. Why on earth would you think that loads of people want to/ought to/have to listen to 30 minutes of public speaking about you and your husband-to-be and "what your relationship is really about"? Do you really not find that the most unbelievably cringey and narcissistic thing imaginable?

"The DJ is great and we are putting the playlist together ourselves."

Yeah, that's the music YOU like. Not the music all of your guests like. I'm not self-centred enough to think that anyone should be subjected to my particular mix of Aphex Twin, the Chemical Brothers, Blur, Bjork, and Bach, so why would you think that anyone wants to listen to your 'my best choonz' playlist?

"Oh- and we aren't going to invite anyone dead set on hating every single second of a joyful celebration so cheers! wine"

And here we have the crux of the matter. It's not "a joyful celebration" to anyone except you, and perhaps your parents if you have that sort of parent. To everyone else it's a Saturday/Sunday crossed off the calendar and a few hundred quid out of the bank account.

Proteus

We will seat guests next to their friends, I won't put my best mate next to old aunt Delilah.

You are an utter misery who obviously could never be pleased. Luckily I choose not to associate with anyone like you in RL so I won't have any cats bum faces sipping free champagne and pushing delicious food around their plates across the table from me at my wedding.

So in the early part of the day you are utterly convinced there won't be enough food and drink and in the latter too much? You seem incredibly uptight. Maybe you could take a packed lunch with you to events to make sure you are always fed and watered at a steady rate.

I would advise you never to leave the house in case you hear a song you don't like etc etc. You won't convince me my friends and family won't enjoy the day I've planned.

Enjoy your sherry.

"You won't convince me my friends and family won't enjoy the day I've planned."

Of course not. You are every bride that's ever put their guests through this crap, and as utterly convinced as every other production-line bride that your speshul day will be perfect for everyone there.

Have your day in the sun. And kid yourself that everyone else is filled with joy too if it makes you happy.

Enjoy your speeches.

Yikes