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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate weddings?!

336 replies

milkyface · 07/06/2016 08:35

AIBU to hate weddings?

I am always happy for the couple in question don't get me wrong but weddings just don't do it for me!

There's the looooong ceremony (especially if in a church) and then the undoubtedly long wait for the probably crap food. All the people you haven't seen in years who you can't really be arsed talking to.
All the questions of when it's your turn ask my fucking boyfriend and then staying in an overpriced hotel room because the venues in the arse end of nowhere

Aibu? Or have I just not been to many decent weddings? I reckon I might quite like an 'alternative' one?!

--Or am I just a miserable bitch

OP posts:
Glitteryfrog · 08/06/2016 09:36

Please say the marquee was a proper big top?was there a reason behind the circus theme?

What's were the clowns doing?just loitering?

MrsFring · 08/06/2016 09:41

Actually, as -statistically- 50% of us will be hating the sight of our partners within a few years I think I will have a Fun wedding to make it worthwhile. Not a circus but a Nemo wedding; everyone has to come dressed as a fish, that is in no way unreasonable. I realise that I'm outing myself here.

expatinscotland · 08/06/2016 09:43

'Mainly what I hate is how the bride/groom get so picky - you read it on here! - as if the guests all actually want to come and aren't themselves giving up a weekend (or worse, using precious holiday days from work) for them and spending probably up to £400 on outfit, present, transport, overnight accommodation and stag/hen. '

And then you have hundreds of responses on how the guest should 'make an effort' to be there, all these ridiculously complicated suggestions on how the guest can compromise everything to be at this shindig. The ones suggesting the guest tent camp and then attend a formal wedding at the best. Or the ones that say, well, don't go, but send them £100 instead.

MrsFring · 08/06/2016 09:44

Happy to reassure you Glittery, it was a big top. The reason? Fuck knows. The clowns were 'amusing' us.

Original poster
milkyface · 08/06/2016 10:14

MrsFring I hope they pre warned guests about the clowns?! A lot of people are scared! Confused very odd!

OP posts:
IWILLgiveupsugar · 08/06/2016 10:56

I like a trio of desserts. Can't see what's not to like there.

Weddings are about the people - if you are woth your mates, having a laugh then it doesn't matter too much if the food is a bit bland and the dj is rubbish. If you don't know anyone then you are likely to get bored and even good food and drink can't make it a great wedding.

DRDBP · 08/06/2016 13:10

From my own standpoint, I have been to some weddings where I had a good time, and some where I really didn't. I mean REALLY didn't. But the wedding isn't planned for my amusement, and nor should it be. I am there for the people getting married. And when I couldn't afford to travel/stay for a wedding I said so, and the friend understood. Im sure that she would rather not have me there than know that I resented every minute.

DRDBP · 08/06/2016 13:31

I am sorry. Maybe I am a cheapskate. But "up to £400 on an outfit"?

ofshoes · 08/06/2016 13:49

Is it not "up to £400 on outfit, present, transport, overnight accommodation and stag/hen."

CMOTDibbler · 08/06/2016 13:57

It was £400 for outfit, present, transport, accomodation etc. The wedding we went to this weekend didn't cost us for a hotel as I used airmiles, but £50 in fuel, £30 on clothes for ds/haircut (I reused an outfit, dh was bm), present, card, lunch out in the town before the ceremony, parking, drinks.... £200 easily, and as I say that was no outfit for me, dh and no hotel

CMOTDibbler · 08/06/2016 13:58

Oh, and dh spent £150 on the stag, which was pretty modest as things go

expatinscotland · 08/06/2016 14:10

I'd have had to leave the clowns wedding. Fucking hate clowns.

Radiatorvalves · 08/06/2016 14:42

I've been to 3 Irish weddings this year ( that will out me) and all have been different and great fun. There was the mega bash in 5* hotel, the humanist wedding and the gay wedding.

I loved all of them. Only similarity was the 3am finish which nearly killed me, 3x over.

I like catching up with cousins. Ironically the only time I've turned down a wedding invitation it was an unpleasant spoof. There was a high profile case involving a pychiatrist and an ex patient who was trying to ruin his wedding. I knew the guy slightly, and his "secretary" called me up to invite me. I declined. God knows how she got my number.... Only realised it was a hoax years later when it was front page material.

squoosh · 08/06/2016 14:44

So the patient was trying to lure lots of unexpected guests to his ex psychiatrist's wedding as some kind of revenge? Wowzers!

Radiatorvalves · 08/06/2016 14:47

Squoosh it was worse than that....she accused him of rape and he was charged. It was made into a TV drama!

ElspethFlashman · 08/06/2016 15:00

I get embarrassingly excited by a trio of desserts. Though nothing can top seeing profiteroles on a wedding menu. I get so happy.

The worst is "summer berry medley". Fuck off with your defrosted squashed raspberries!

lalafala · 08/06/2016 15:09

Oh great! My catholic mass wedding coming up soon in a country house hotel complete with chicken dinner (couldn't afford the £15 suppliment for lamb) suddenly sounds really crappy! THIS is what I hate about weddings. The pressure to put on a show for your guests and not be judged for being too traditional or not having enough style, or not being quirky and hand crafting everything. God forbid you serve chicken!!!!

Seriously!! If you love the couple then go, if not, save them the £120/head and let them invite someone who actually cares and won't be judging them all day!!!!

ofshoes · 08/06/2016 15:20

Seriously!! If you love the couple then go, if not, save them the £120/head and let them invite someone who actually cares and won't be judging them all day

It's because we love the couple that we go, it still doesn't improve the day. Some of us think weddings are boing, not a lot you can do will fix that. It's not really about us though, have fun on your day and the people who don't enjoy weddings will suck it up for your sake.

crje · 08/06/2016 15:34

The best weddings are the ones where the bride & groom are relaxed and enjoying the day.
The faffing about & making the day about showing off isn't endearing at all.

derxa · 08/06/2016 15:36

Oh great! My catholic mass wedding coming up soon in a country house hotel complete with chicken dinner (couldn't afford the £15 suppliment for lamb) suddenly sounds really crappy! I'll come! Grin

lalafala · 08/06/2016 15:36

Ok fair enough! I'm not daft enough to think everyone there will be having a good time but you're right, there will be people there through obligation!

It's difficult when you're right in the midst of it to think that all of the pressure to get it right and the huge amounts of money you're spending is going to be met with people deciding they'd rather dissappear off to their rooms or come on here to moan about the food you've bankrupted yourself to pay for! Especially when you've had to make a decision between them and someone else due to the cost!

Nothing will ever change things though and I wish I had the time/budget/creativity to put on a wedding people wouldnt view as traditional and boring!

ofshoes · 08/06/2016 15:54

Nothing will ever change things though and I wish I had the time/budget/creativity to put on a wedding people wouldnt view as traditional and boring!

Ah, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks of your wedding, so long as you have a nice day! You really are better pleasing yourself in this instance.

Hope it goes well!

LilacInn · 08/06/2016 17:28

I think what a lot of us are saying is that sometimes brides/grooms think they have to put on a huge wedding/dinner/evening do when many people would just like to witness the ceremony, have a drink and some nibbles, and go home. Which would be a lot cheaper and easier for the marrying couple, too, as well as for the guests.

I read an etiquette advisor once lamenting that it used to be brides and grooms couldn't wait to get away and be alone together. Now the interminable wedding days/wedding weekend extravaganzas make it quite clear that for the couple there isn't much novelty in being romantically alone; they'd rather stay and be the center of attention of dozens of other people than their new spouse. The expert kind of had a point there.

JigokuShojou · 09/06/2016 07:31

TheCladdagh I think you mean interpreters.

Sorry, translation graduate here.

Namehanger · 09/06/2016 07:47

My wedding, we rented a whole small hotel in Scotland for a weekend just for family and maybe 10 or so guests. A couple of childminders to look after our boys and a couple of other young children.

It was ok, My mum booked me into get my hair and make up done. Yeuch I hated that, but just went along with it, DH and I an argument, my dad gave a shit speech. Everyone got very drunk, think everyone enjoyed it.

Don't really give a s**t about married, but did it for my granny and protecting my legal rights etc.. In a separate existence I would go to a registry office.

My cousin, big hotel in the middle of nowhere, three hours of photos!!! We had two very young kids and were stuck in this horrendous hell trying to entertain them. No one else had any kids with them. The days before Nintendo DS and iPads.