AIBU to seriously be considering giving up work and going back on benefits?

[Datingbarb]

I'm a single mum of 4 and have worked since my 3rd dd started school 5 years ago

I then ended up having my 4th dd 18 months ago.

Originally when I started my job I worked set days, hours every week which kept my childcare to a minimum, I never worked bank hols/weekends etc and I wasn't expected to, when they employed me they knew I was a single mum and everyone was happy.

After my maternity I again went back on 2 set days /hours and that was it, but slowly things started to change, (new general manager), was asked to do extra shifts when they were short and slowly I then began doing weekends/bank hols and I'm now finding myself put on every weekend and getting hardly any weekday hours

Because I now never know from one week to the next when I'm working I'm unable to sign up to do anything with dd, I would love to take her to a swimming class or baby dance group but just can never commit to those couple of hours a week, plus I know how fast they grow and I desperately want to be with her all the time (she was a lovely shock/surprise baby when I thought I wouldn't have anymore and I'm so lucky to of been given the chance to do it again, dd also has delayed speech and I can't help feeling like it would improve if I could get her out to groups/spend more time with her.

Also despite the fact I really enjoy my job (at the moment) I know that's going to change, new GM is making lots of changes and because of these and the way things are going 2 people I work with are leaving which is basically going to leave me to pick up all the slack as one of the three of us have to be on every shift, so I'm going to be expected to work every weekend which I just can't do, I'm finding myself paying babysitters (as can only use childminder weekdays) to have my kids so I can work.

My childcare is so expensive and I'm dreading summer hols.

I have been doing workings out all day and I reckon I will only be 40 a week worst off if I stop working

Would it be really unreasonable for me to give up work (maybe just until after summer or when dd starts nursery) and go back on benefits?

yum public funds aren't just income support, they pay for tax credits, housing benefit for many on low wages, education, health etc, for the vast majority of the country, single people, lone parents, couples etc. And most people, including sahps with working partners use those services. Which is exactly how it should be. And lone parents are no better and no worse than any other member of the population that uses public services put in place to support them.

No, I've not been in ops position. Just a lone parent to one. And it was tough when she was little. I made the choice to go back to uni, and work pt, topped up by public funds. But that was because I wanted a degree and a career, and with one child it was possible. Not because I felt there was any shame or moral dilemma in claiming income support. I'm not sure I'd have coped with 4 kids and a job like ops, in fact I'm sure I wouldn't. And as I advised op, I would avoid going on is because it will be harder to get another job once out of work. Not because there is anything wrong with it in principle.

Tragicomical I didn't have 4 children as a single mother, I was actually married for quite sometime but you know shit happens!

For those that ask CSA can do jack shit about my ex not paying maintenance, he isn't registered as self employed and isn't employed either.... He works cash in hand and I have been battling with them for years, and as they keep telling me they can do nothing except go on what's on the HMRC records

I'm back into work tomorrow so will see my boss then and see what we can work out but I know I don't stand a hope of getting any set days/hours he will just want a contract signed for a certain amount of hours and then that could be any working patten

Yanbu I would quit and sah until youngest at school and then look for regular hours. Just because the system is screwed up and doesn't value unpaid work or time for parenting doesn't mean you can't get around it if you feel it is best.

Purplehebe I tried that one as the way the appointments fall one goes one week and the next the following week so did ask about getting them on same days or to see different orthodontist but was told as they are both there for different things. (My 8 years old will be having intensive treatment for many years to come) they see different orthodontist who specialise in the braces they have

Life that's not actually true, I am disabled as are two of my dc. We would be better off by approx £250 a month if my dh didn't work due to carers allowance and various disability premiums.
He works mostly because it's the right thing to do and for his pension.
I think single parents should absolutely be able to stay at home with pre school DC or work part time. I stay at home with my dc, mostly due to health reasons but I am very thankful for the time with them.

You need to apply for flexible working hours my lovely. ACAS or a union rep will help you.

It really makes me angry hearing of cases like this where the father fucks off and leaves his own children without support.
I'm so sorry that you are having to struggle like this OP, you are obviously trying so hard to deal with it.

Why the hell should someone be forced to quit their job because some dick of a manger changed the hours or contract - and then get flamed for considering all the alternatives?
Some employers could not make it harder for parents to work for them if they tried.
Lets blame them and change that, and stop blaming parents who have trouble fitting in all their responsibilities.

OP, why wont you talk to ACAS about your work problems?
www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1410

Ditto EveryoneElsie.

It is so hard to manage children and an unflexible job, I felt just as you describe, and I did give up for a while, it just wasn't worth it. However it does get easier as they get older and you will have plenty of time to work then.

YANBU - you are being asked to agree to a new contract which clearly doesn't suit you. Your working hours have also been changed from what was originally agreed to an irregular shift pattern. Frankly, if your manager digs his heels in about the new contract I would say you had a case for constructive dismissal. Probably not worth pursuing but it might help to put the wind up him. Also, if you left would have then have to be the one doing all the opening up/cashing up etc? If he is unreasonable, hand in your notice and take the summer holidays off to enjoy with your children whilst they still want to spend time with you. And use that time to research family friendly careers and look at what training you might need to get into them.

You are clearly a hard worker and deserve better from life than the hand you have been dealt so far. Give yourself a break from this awful job and think about what you really want to do for the rest of your life and how you can achieve it.

your choice but i was on benefits a long time, around 2-3yrs and it made me depressed i was DESPERATE to get back in working, working is stressful but it stimulates your mind and makes you busy, when you are on benefits its like you have to much to think about, that's how I felt anyway, my experience. If you are able I would say yabu but of course your choice

What is deeply depressing is that, even after the whole Panama Papers thing and the acceptance by pretty much every single economics expert that the current system is entirely unsustainable, the world is still full of fucking idiots whining about benefit 'scroungers' and/or migrants.

It's a very small group of very wealthy people who are stealing your taxes and stealing your children's futures. It's not the poor. Anyone who manages to sustain themselves by means of juggling their benefits is doing a brave thing as well as a sensible one.

spot on SGB