AIBU to seriously be considering giving up work and going back on benefits?

[Datingbarb]

I'm a single mum of 4 and have worked since my 3rd dd started school 5 years ago

I then ended up having my 4th dd 18 months ago.

Originally when I started my job I worked set days, hours every week which kept my childcare to a minimum, I never worked bank hols/weekends etc and I wasn't expected to, when they employed me they knew I was a single mum and everyone was happy.

After my maternity I again went back on 2 set days /hours and that was it, but slowly things started to change, (new general manager), was asked to do extra shifts when they were short and slowly I then began doing weekends/bank hols and I'm now finding myself put on every weekend and getting hardly any weekday hours

Because I now never know from one week to the next when I'm working I'm unable to sign up to do anything with dd, I would love to take her to a swimming class or baby dance group but just can never commit to those couple of hours a week, plus I know how fast they grow and I desperately want to be with her all the time (she was a lovely shock/surprise baby when I thought I wouldn't have anymore and I'm so lucky to of been given the chance to do it again, dd also has delayed speech and I can't help feeling like it would improve if I could get her out to groups/spend more time with her.

Also despite the fact I really enjoy my job (at the moment) I know that's going to change, new GM is making lots of changes and because of these and the way things are going 2 people I work with are leaving which is basically going to leave me to pick up all the slack as one of the three of us have to be on every shift, so I'm going to be expected to work every weekend which I just can't do, I'm finding myself paying babysitters (as can only use childminder weekdays) to have my kids so I can work.

My childcare is so expensive and I'm dreading summer hols.

I have been doing workings out all day and I reckon I will only be 40 a week worst off if I stop working

Would it be really unreasonable for me to give up work (maybe just until after summer or when dd starts nursery) and go back on benefits?

If your boss will promise you xyz tell him/her to put it in your contract. If they won't, you know it wont happen. If they do, happy days win win!

I'm always shocked at the "if you can't afford to pay for your kids, you shouldn't have kids"

Erm, does it occur to people that circumstances change? The average age for lone parents is 48, teenage single parents only 2%, 58% of lone parents are divorced, some are widow/widowers.

i think the OP shouldn't be criticised for having 4 kids, she deserves a medal by raising four kids while working shifts with no support from her ex. She is the responsible parent who stayed. If you want to judge someone, go for the parent who abandoned the kids.

yum and you apply that to every able bodied adult that isn't either on a very high wage or working 50+ hours do you? Or is it just lone parents?

Absolutely MeMySonAndI, I take my hat off to the OP, life must be very tough.

You are not eligible to claim benefits if you make yourself unemployed voluntarily either by giving up your job or by doing something that gets you dismissed.

Iona - As previous posters keep saying, this is not the case if you have a child under 5 as op does. Even parents who have never had a job get child tax credits and op would get income support too.

Lurked - the criticism was against parents who choose to claim IS to enable them to stay at home and not work, to those who choose to work only the hours they need to to maximise benefits, the system is wrong and working should be the financially better option.

Why is your ex not paying maintenance? Unless he's sick he bloody well should be paying for his children rather than leaving it all to you.

Iona yes she is, she has a child under 5 so can claim income support

YABU Even if all your wages go to childcare it is still worth it to keep working. All that time you are putting in and the experience you are gaining will eventually help you gain better employment in the future. Staying home on benefits will just keep you going at the current status quo. I grew up with parents who earned a comfortable amount of money and they still never took me to baby groups during work hours. I went to daycare as soon as I was old enough. My parents trusted professionals to take care of me and I have no feelings of having missed out on quality time with my parents. But I do have memories of my parents getting up and going to work everyday and instilling in me a strong work ethic.

1.Where did she say. She popped out a 4th child being a single parent of 3. The relationship could have broke down after her 4tg child was conceived.

1. You're banging on about tax payers, but op has paid enough of her own taxes. She's only going to claim what she's paid into the system ie her money.
2. Go back to biology classes. She didn't get pregnant on her own. So I take the father of these children are also being unreasonable.

I think it's ridiculous to say op will only be claiming back her own money. Unless she has worked in highly paid work for many years before having kids that is highly unlikely. Four kids means 4 lots of maternity care, 4 x 18 years of education etc before you even start counting large amounts of child tax credits for many years ( whether op works in a low pay job or doesn't work at all), possibly housing benefit etc, the cost is huge.

yummumto3girls people with young kids go to work rather than sah for many reasons - to keep up a lifestyle, because they worry about gaps in employment, because they want to. But no-one has to if they have children below school age. Not sure how much support with childcare the op will be getting with 4 kids but she may well be claiming less in income support.

I would also say that the op will be working hard taking care of 4 kids one of them being 18 month old.

Hmmm, I don't know, tbh I think YABU. The job sounds like a logistical nightmare but I would look for a new one rather than quit. £40 a week is a very noticeable amount of money to lose - that would be 2/3rds of my weekly shop and I'm in a similar family set up to you (single mum, 3 kids aged 13, 9 and 2, no maintenance from fathers).

Until I'd been around mumsnet for a while I didn't know it was possible to be a single mum without working. I just thought that 1 adult equalled no choice but to work full time (massively naïve yes, but I was 19 and at a posh university when DD1 was born!!) My age and inexperience unwittingly worked in my favour though because it meant I trained for a very family friendly job (teaching) so have no child care issues (attached nursery for 2 month olds up). Is any kind of school or nursery work an option for you?

Obviously now I know that you can survive on benefits but I don't know why you would want to when you have a choice. It must be such a hard existence.

Right yum so just lone parents then that you don't think should access public funds for the benefit of their family. Why don't you and tragic offer op your personal advice from your experience of being lone parents to 4 dc and working a zero hour contract with unpredictable hours that don't fit childcare. Cos I assume you've been in that position with you being so quick to criticise.

Fwiw, even if op didn't have an under 5, and wanted jsa, the actual dwp guidelines prevent her being forced to take zero hour contracts with unpredictable shifts that don't fit childcare. Shit as the law and some people's attitudes are, we haven't yet reached that point.

YABU - going on benefits should not be a choice - they are there to help those who are unable to support themselves not because you fancy spending the summer at home.

Have you worked zero hour contracts and raised 4 kids at the same time. I have only one child but my child care fees for that month alone are over £600. Considering this is a zero hours contract, paying childcare for 4 kids during the summer holiday can rightly mean the OP is not only working for free but risking getting in debt she can't recover from, but becoming unemployed may have long term implications, hence the difficult decision, it is NOT a wish of "spending a summer at home". It is called "damned if you do, damned if you don't"

Hi OP, just a thought! If you haven't already been to uni have you thought about going and retraining/boosting your skills? That's what I did when my babies were small and I had to make the same decision. I got a decent whack of money as I had dependants but without the "stigma" of benefits and I am now paying it back in a much better job. The holidays are amazing when you have kids at school, it's hard work juggling it all but no more than working. I got really great help with childcare costs too from the hardship fund. It is well worth spending a year on IS while doing an Access to HE course if you don't have A levels already. Just trying to offer an alternative to working your ass off in a shit job or languishing on benefits! All the best with whatever you decide

Haligh - believe it or not people go to work to pay the bills. Of course we could all stay at home and we don't have to work - we could all claim benefits and then those that do work could pay higher taxes!

Lurked - the public funds aren't there to support SAHM parents they are there to support people in hard times. I presume you've been in the OP's situation then? Arguably OP is in need, it must be bloody tough and I wouldn't blame her for her decision but long term it will not help. Everyone is too quick to tell her to pack in work and claim benefits, that will just result in an ever ending cycle of poverty for herself and her children.

Good advice Kalopsia77, well done you!

A bit of an aside but, to make life easier, could you transfer one dc to the best/ nicest orthodontist with their sibling to halve the number of appts? I did this when I had two with braces and all subsequent appts were pairs. Over a few years it probably saved weeks of appts, just by asking.

working should be the financially better option

That was thie idea behind working tax credits, but that just made it such that it didn;t encourage people to work more hours ot totake slighty higher paid work as there was the margina zone where it wasn';t particually worth it to loose the tax credits.

Anyway, I agree - it should always be better financially to work.

But child care is redic and there should be hevily subsidised child care availabe at unsoiclabel hours to having children to care for isn't a barrier to people returnign to work.

Hi OP just remember that you have to make the best decisions for you and your family. Many people commenting on here will be doing so from the luxury of a 2 parent household. I am a single parent and trust me, it really is a luxury. I am currently on maternity leave but won't be going back to my full time job, I will be looking for a part time job as this plus tax credits and housing benefits puts me in a better fianacial position because of the costs of childcare. Sad but true. As for the moral considerations? Hahaha no. I'm sorry but not one person in this world goes to work for free, money is what drives us to get up for that shitty job day after day and if there are ways of making that easier when you have to come home at the end of each day and get through it by yourself then do it. I have worked every day of my life for the last 14 years (since I was old enough to work), and I'm sure that not one of those people talking about "moral considerations" etc would turn down their working tax credits because they feel entiled to it.