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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at MILs comments?

104 replies

houseeveryweekend · 05/06/2016 23:58

Im not going to say anything to her but i just wondered if anyone would agree with her?
I went on a night out for my friends birthday in Liverpool (we live an hours drive away) I got the train there and had an open return ticket. I went alone whilst my DP looked after our 1 year old.
We went to a party on a boat and then to a club in a warehouse that went on till 5am. I didnt drink that heavily and had intended to get the first train back in the morning however at 5am all my friends there decided to go on to a houseparty which was a long way from the centre. I decided to go and wait for my train instead. My partner texted to say he was awake as the baby had woken at 5.30am. As the first train back wasnt till 7 he said shall i come and pick you up? And i said yes, so he did (bringing LO with him) arriving to get me at 6.30.
Now yesterday he happened to mention this to his mum who didnt react well at all! Asking why i had been out so late when i had a child to look after etc etc and basically saying it was outrageous that he had driven to pick me up.
My partner recounted this to me as he was pissed off with her for being like that and apologised for mentioning it to her.
It did make me second guess myself though so i wondered if she had any right to be like that? This was my first night out without DP since i got pregnant.

OP posts:
Playduh · 06/06/2016 08:44

Sounds fine to me. It would be the horror of a whole day with a baby after a big night out I couldn't manage - but I'm old.

Jelliedeels · 06/06/2016 08:50

Ridiculous. Go out enjoy.

It's nice and even nicer when your other half had no problems with picking you up.

Tell her to fuck off

Jelliedeels · 06/06/2016 08:52

I disagree that if the baby was younger. As long as your partner is fine being left then it's all good. At the end of the day you are BOTH parents

MimiSunshine · 06/06/2016 08:55

Shock at some of the judginess in this thread. Constant questioning of OP as to whether she does this regularly and now the assumption / suspicion that she must have been on drugs to last until the early hours.

Are you all so old and out of touch with anyone younger than you that you don't realise that these days people don't tend to actually go out until 10pm at the earliest? 11pm is the norm so that's 6/7hrs to 5am, not so different to going out at 6/7pm and being tucked up in bed with with your decaf tea at midnight.

And those people going out close to midnight will have adjusted their day earlier to accommodate their night out.

  • before anyone posts 'pot, kettle & black' I did deliberately 'judge' those making the reference to drugs as old to show its not so nice to be on the receiving end of assumptions
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/06/2016 09:01

I'm just impressed you stayed awake so long! I had two terrible sleepers so when mine were a year I was just about managing to go out for dinner at 7 with friends and not falling asleep in my dessert at 9:30!

Junosmum · 06/06/2016 09:13

I bet it was lovely being up all night and not with the baby dreams wistfully of when that day may be

You DC was safe with her dad, I don't see the issue. It was obvious that you'd agreed it with DH first who knew you were likely to be worse for wear the next day, it's not a crime. I bet MIL wouldn't have batted an eyelid at you DH having been out all night.

Primaryteach87 · 06/06/2016 09:16

Ignore her!
Amazed by the (minority) of posters having a go at OP...
Her husband is clearly capable so her daughter is entirely safe. Lots of mums travel for work and leave baby with daddy (who might even be the full time carer).

My husband is 100% capable of looking after his own child, I wouldn't marry someone who wasn't!

Weird, internalised sexism going on. Glad you enjoyed your night out OP!

PeppaIsMyHero · 06/06/2016 09:16

What you did was totally fine, your DP is clearly a keeper, and I'm in awe of your stamina!

And you hadn't been out without DP since you got pregnant? Wow. Sounds like you needed a brilliant time, and you got it. . x

Noodlebugs1981 · 06/06/2016 09:20

From the point of view of your MIL, it wasn't probably something was done 30-40 years ago so may have been react my because of that....BUT times have changed and it's totally acceptable to go on a night out! Hope you had fun!

Lovewineandchocs · 06/06/2016 09:23

I totally agree with mimi and I think it is very insulting to the OP for people to come on here and insinuate that she must have been on drugs. I have 2 kids and have stayed out until this time before-definitely no drugs involved, just a group of old friends with no kids who enjoy staying up drinking and chatting 😀

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 06/06/2016 09:25

house. Your MIL stayed married to a man who didn't allow her to listen to the radio when he was at work. I think you can safely ignore any criticism she makes about your lifestyle. As long as you and DH are happy with your arrangements (and he doesn't start acting like his father!) then just ignore it. I wouldn't say much too her though, her ingrained beliefs won't change now, she was far too downtrodden - poor woman.

WanHeda · 06/06/2016 09:27

How lovely, here come all the posters accusing the OP of being on drugs.

Nannawifeofbaldr · 06/06/2016 09:32

Less judgy pants folks, not everyone needs very much sleep you know.

I can function quite happily on 4 hours and in fact reasonably well on 2.

I could stay up all night (and I hardly drink let alone anything else). I'd need a few hours the next day that's all.

Not everyone is tucked up in bed with cocoa and a frilly nightie at 10pm. Grin

MargotLovedTom · 06/06/2016 09:37

Christ, what a crock of shit on here! 'Why go out until late when you don't have to anymore?' Dont' have to? So in a previous child free life we were forced to go out?! Maybe we go out out because we want to?

And those pp saying the husband was stirring, funny - when I read those posts I immediately thought they were the ones doing the stirring.

OP you've done nothing wrong and your DH has done nothing wrong. It's a shame your MIL had a shit marriage where fun was banned, but she's obviously projecting that on to you. Take no notice.

Nannawifeofbaldr · 06/06/2016 09:42

My DH would also relate the conversation with MIL back to me, not stirring just being open and honest and letting me know the lay of the land.

theveryhighlife · 06/06/2016 09:46

I hope you enjoyed yourself op!
You are your own person as well as a mum. I agree there seems to be a few martyr mummy posts :-/
I regularly stay awake for over 24 hours due to the nature of my job, I most certainly am not on drugs to do this, it is possible to stay awake without the use of drugs!!!

SapphireStrange · 06/06/2016 09:53

She's a nosy twat. I hope your DP told her where to get off.

I'm appalled at those on this thread judging a person for having a night out while their child is with their other parent, assuming she must have been on drugs, Hmm, coming to conclusions about her lifestyle based on her username Hmm etc. I don't know how you all dare, TBH.

Birdsgottafly · 06/06/2016 09:56

""Are you all so old and out of touch with anyone younger than you that you don't realise that these days people don't tend to actually go out until 10pm at the earliest? ""

No need for the ageism, my Mother could have done an all nighter in her 80's, she and her friend were still doing the 5am clubs in Liverpool (where we live), in their 70's.

I, at 48, don't need the sleep that I needed in my 20's with three children. I can stay up all night watching films.

OP, it's fine to have a full night/day off, it's between you and the other Parent or babysitter.

If that's your thing, you've done well to last until your little one is a year old.

Your DP is onboard and it's good that he's annoyed at his Mum for her ridiculous judgementalness.

Wdigin2this · 06/06/2016 10:00

Firstly, if you and your DP were happy with the arrangement...and the pick up, what's the problem, and secondly wtf has it got to do with your m-i-l ?? Don't even think anymore about it, but if she says anything to you about it, like 'Do you really think being out so late was wise!' just say 'yes I do'....and firmly change the subject!

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 06/06/2016 10:05

Your MIL is probably 'old-school' when fathers weren't so involved with childcare and parents (especially mothers) rarely went out to parties and certainly didn't make a habit of it. Some parents' social lives more or less ended when they had children. How dull.

We are more enlightened now - if you let your hair down occasionally you'll have a healthier mindset and won't feel as trapped in non-stop domesticity as our mothers did.
I'm so pleased to hear that your husband agrees with you on this. From experience (and other threads on here) we all know how difficult a MIL can be.

Glovebug · 06/06/2016 10:35

"And those pp saying the husband was stirring, funny - when I read those posts I immediately thought they were the ones doing the stirring."

Exactly!!

theveryhighlife · 06/06/2016 13:44

Your MIL is probably 'old-school' when fathers weren't so involved with childcare and parents (especially mothers) rarely went out to parties and certainly didn't make a habit of it. Some parents' social lives more or less ended when they had children. How dull.

We are more enlightened now - if you let your hair down occasionally you'll have a healthier mindset and won't feel as trapped in non-stop domesticity as our mothers did.
I'm so pleased to hear that your husband agrees with you on this. From experience (and other threads on here) we all know how difficult a MIL can be.

This ^ ^ well said!

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 06/06/2016 14:42

YANBU. Did he say anything to her at the time?

My grandad is terribly old fashioned and believes a woman's place is in the home. When I go there, GPs will immediately expect me to see to my DH with drinks or food if they aren't feeling up to it. Clearly he is incapable of sorting himself out! One time my DGD made a comment about me going out (it happens about once a year, occasionally twice if there is a special birthday) and as a wife and mother I shouldn't be going out now. I just laughed my head off and asked him if I should take up knitting. He also rolled his eyes in a jokey/can't believe you are doing that way when I let DH take the kids home from a family wedding and I stayed on. I don't get to see my whole family often and was having fun. They are at least happy that I have DH's tea on the table when he returns from work "at least that's something" was the exact response (I am a SAHM, ill mind, but still at home).

Don't tell her anything, it's got bugger all to do with her!

EveryoneElsie · 06/06/2016 14:50

Ignore MIL and the goady twats here. You and your DH sound happy together Smile

NicknameUsed · 06/06/2016 15:11

I did not insinuate the OP was on drugs. I was impressed that she had the stamina to stay up for so long without drugs, because I certainly couldn't do it.

For the record I was 41 when DD was born and had stopped going to clubs etcetera long before.

I'm not saying she shouldn't have gone out.

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