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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want SIL to bring her new boyfriend to my house

112 replies

Harrassedorhaunted9 · 05/06/2016 22:59

I don't want my SIL to bring her new boyfriend to my house. I don't mind being invited to meet him elsewhere or to be introduced incidentally as part of another family gathering but I just don't want another bloke being introduced into my home just Like that. AIBU?

There is history...My SIL is a bit of a man-eater. She has had a string of boyfriends, most last between one and two years, move in with her and then she gets fed up with them and moves them on. The next boyfriend is always very quick on the scene and the cycle begins again. I have witnessed this cycle six times with a few much shorter flings in between.

Anyway, she has recently acquired a new boyfriend having evicted her partner of 3 years from the house they bought together.

We had accepted the previous bloke into the family, he came on family holidays and he stayed at several family members houses, attended family events etc. We let our guard down with him because of the commitment she made in buying a house with him and living with him for longer than usual. She also has a child so I asume she gives a fair bit of thought about living with these guys.

Anyway, They split up 2 months ago and SIL now wants to bring over her new boyfriend to our house.
I don't want her to for the following reasons:

My children are old enough now to clock her changing partners and I do not want them to think this is a normal or an acceptable way to treat people (the recently dumped bloke was heartbroken)

I don't know this new bloke from Adam and am not into the habit of allowing strange men into my house in a position of trust to mingle with my kids

I feel some kind of loyalty and respect to the dumped ex. After all we did accept him into our family, the kids loved him, we invested in him. Now he is disappeared out of our lives and it just doesn't feel right that SIL thinks she can trot a stranger into the same space.

So, I am just judging her or do i have the right to maintain some boundaries this time around in my own home?

Like I said at the start I don't feel any awkwardness if she were to invite us to meet hi elsewhere.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/06/2016 23:03

I think you're being ridiculous tbh.

Meeting the bloke at your house instead of some other family get together, won't change anything at all and I think you know it.

At least own your judgemental behaviour.

EatShitDerek · 05/06/2016 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

willconcern · 05/06/2016 23:05

You are being ridiculous. On all counts IMO.

beetroot2 · 05/06/2016 23:07

Grin why does it matter so much to you? YADBU massively. I certainly wouldn't want to come to your house if I were her.

Pinkheart5915 · 05/06/2016 23:08

I don't see the problem.

I've met friends dp in my home for the first time when we've had dinner parties, no problem at all.

VocalDuck · 05/06/2016 23:10

You are judging her but at the same time, it is your house and you are in the right to say somebody is not welcome.

What will you do if this partner is around for the next decade and your SIL buys a house with him and they have children?

newname99 · 05/06/2016 23:10

I wouldn't want my sister to bring any friend she hardly knew to my house - can't see the need for it.

Also I think with a new bf your family should try to invest in the person however as it's early days why the need to have family intro's?

ReginaTheVelociraptor · 05/06/2016 23:11

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RestlessTraveller · 05/06/2016 23:12

You are bring massively judgemental. Your way of doing relationships isn't necessarily the right way.

RestlessTraveller · 05/06/2016 23:12
  • being
blowmybarnacles · 05/06/2016 23:13

How exhausting. YANBU, for all hr reasons you have stated.

You don't want to, so don't.

HeddaGarbled · 05/06/2016 23:14

YABU

A single woman has monogamous relationships which last 1 to 3 years. That's more steady than a lot of single people, not a string of boyfriends at all. Your "man-eater" comment is sexist and judgy.

If she and her ex bought the house together, he has legal rights to a share of the equity.

Do you never invite new acquaintances into your home? Even if they are - clutches pearls - strange men - and there are children in the house. Don't be so silly. What possible risk can this "strange man" be to your children on a social occasion with a house full of supervising adults?

You don't approve of your SIL's lifestyle and romantic choices. Fine. But don't pretend there's a risk to your children or that they are being damaged in any way by having her new boyfriend in your house.

Unpropergrammer · 05/06/2016 23:14

Shes been in long term relationships though if they're lasting 1-2 years. its not like they're all only lasting three months.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2016 23:14

Does your husband get a say in any of this?

NerrSnerr · 05/06/2016 23:26

She's been in long term relationships? Not exactly a man eater is she? I take it that you just don't like her much.

Discobabe · 05/06/2016 23:30

I think its a bit harsh to call her a man eater, it's not like it's a new bloke every week or month. How long was it before her past partners were allowed in your house with your children? Unless you plan on avoiding her forever your children will see her terrible 'man eating' ways eventually. I get the impression it's not so much about your children as your disapproval of sil's actions.

ImperialBlether · 05/06/2016 23:31

So when your child has a new friend and doesn't want to play with the old one, will you let that new friend meet your SIL?

ohtheholidays · 05/06/2016 23:34

No,I'm with you OP,I wouldn't be keen.

I had a nephew that did the same,we'd be introduced we'd get to know them,love them treat them like part of the family.Gifts at Christmas and on birthdays,visiting us all,attending all familys party's,weddings ect and then he'd just end it all and weeks later he'd expect us to go through all the same thing again.
He's been engaged 3 times now and lived with all 3 guys that he was engaged to.

One of the guys I stayed friends with and so did my parents,my parents especially found it hard partly to do with they're age.

AugustaFinkNottle · 05/06/2016 23:38

I don't know this new bloke from Adam and am not into the habit of allowing strange men into my house in a position of trust to mingle with my kids

Seriously? Do you never allow your friends or any of your relatives to come to your house with their partners unless you've vetted them somewhere else? What on earth do you think any "strange man" is going to do with your children if you and/or your husband are present all the time? Do you never allow them to have sleepovers with their friends if said friends dare to have their fathers in the house?

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2016 23:38

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clarrrp · 05/06/2016 23:39

I think you are being really judgemental to be honest,. I'm so sorry her love life isn't all glitter and hearts like yours obviously is.

JayDot500 · 05/06/2016 23:40

Having a mum and cousin who are like your SIL, OP, YANBU.

It gets so so tiresome. I don't bother learning names. You're not judging her as others think you are. I doubt you can do much to stop her bringing him though, if you care for her.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2016 23:42

Oh no, the delightful phrase 'man-eater' is not a judgement at all....

JayDot500 · 05/06/2016 23:48

worraIf labels are your focus here, I don't believe we share perspective.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2016 23:52

If you believe labels are my focus here, I don't believe you've read the thread.

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