After a horrendous two weeks, I need something light hearted. So, what's the most awful / disgusting thing that your child has done to you? *lighthearted

[anahata]

Posting here for traffic.

I've had a horrendous couple of weeks for various reasons. I really need something to make me laugh.

What's the most awful or disgusting thing that your child or baby has done to you, or caused?

Please make me laugh!

My nephew has eaten poo from his potty, eaten from the cat's bowl but refused to eat Marmite!
Hope your week gets better.

I once wiped the cream from a cream cake off my daughter's lip with my fingers. I didn't have a tissue to wipe my hands on so I just licked my finger.

Couldn't figure out why the cream was a bit chewy until I realised I'd wiped a bogey along with the cream and had been chewing on it.

Handed me a turd she'd fished out the bath saying "mummy present!"

Injure me on Mothers Day - every flipping year for 13 years!!!!

These include dropping book on toenail causing painful blood blister.

Pinching hand in door.

Various headbuttings resulting in nosebleeds.

And twatted around face with wooden brio train.

...gift of life, grumble,grumble, ungrateful little gits...

potty trainee crawling into my bed in the middle of the night, all soiled and wet.

My DD 2days old manged to poo all over my chest neck and face while changing her nappy in the middle of the night. I was top less to due to breast feeding. Fun times.

This weekend the 5 year old was pottering in the garden with his best mate, also 5.

DH went outside and thought he'd check on them, they'd each got a beach spade out of the garage, picked up a dog turd on the end of it and were jousting. With shit. Actual dog shit. I'm by no means a baby but I almost puked on both their heads trying to clean them up.

Kit2015 - at least it doesn't smell...

DD2 was about 2mths old and sitting in her babychair, I looked over and realised she'd done an almighty, huge, runny poo and was literally swimming in it, pretty much knee deep. I couldn't figure out for a minute whether to clean her up first or mop up the runny poo.....needless to say I used a LOT of kitchen roll

Mine shot me with an arrow. He got my leg and for a brief moment I looked like an old warrior as I bent down and pulled it out. I don't know why and OMG it hurt. There was blood and then an infection and pus and it took ages to heal and left a scar.
It was a complete accident one the first day of a weeks holiday all themed round cycling and archery - guess who did neither!

Ds2 ate his own shit. Ds1 used to always vom on me when ill.

Dd was about a year old

We went swimming in a local pool and afterwards went to a family changing room to get dressed

I let her toddle round naked to air a bit while i got dressed

She toddled up to me with a beautiful beaming smile and handed me an enormous shit

My first thought was "what dirty bitch has left this here"

My second was "oh god its still warm"

She was so proud of herself...i can still feel it

Puked directly into my open mouth. Needless to say, I caught that sick bug too...

No that bad really but my ds dribbled into my mouth as I held him above me. Yum!

Thank you so so much for making me smile. Keep them coming please xx

Asked DD for a kiss but instead she licked my cheek with her big fat tongue. She was so pleased with herself, laughing out loud at me going yuck, gross etc.

When my son was a new born my daughter and my niece then 7 wanted to watch me change his nappy they both stood there really exited when there was a rush of diarrhoea from him bum which shot across the room covering my daughter , niece and all my beautiful cards and teddies ( so no baby memory cards to look back at ) good job my mum was there to clean them both off in the bath

First time I ever took DS swimming, I tried to explain that he was not to wee or poo whilst in the pool. About 20 mins in DS looked at me with a stricken look and said 'oh-oh! Wee wee!'. Turns out it was a giant Weetabix shite which had escaped both swim nappy and trunks. Floated up and stuck all over us both.

Ds when he was younger had a virus, shouted me from his bedroom I went up to find him covered in runny poo and vomit, I couldn't tell what had come out of which end. I have no stomach for these finer points of parenting. Cue me carrying him downstairs (downstairs bathroom) both of us standing in the shower clothed and heaving until DP took over as the responsible adult and sorted us both out.
Or the time he was toilet training, discovered his bum and managed to pick out some poo!!

When DS was a newborn and I was feeding him in bed - felt a strange warm sensation running down my arm and realised there was a full on river of shite running down a crease in the duvet (to clarify, it was his, not mine). Sad times.

I finished the most rotten nappy change and walked in to the kitchen to dispose of the nappy outside. I remember thinking how bad it was because the smell was lingering. On the way back DS shouted 'look mummy I did it!' and pointed, ever so proudly, to the most perfectly shaped poo lying on the carpet by the front door. It must have slid out of his nappy before I changed it. I gagged and hesitated just long enough for the cat to walk past and lick it.

Not unusual, I'm sure we have all been there, but when you are cuddling, then you suddenly here the poo of all poos and suddenly the back of the baby gro is just kind of ....damp. And you just know there is a tsunami of poo waiting for you. My worst was first time we went out for coffee on a beach with DS 1. Cue massive, explosive poo all over my nice new clean trousers, a hasty change in a toilet with no changing facility followed by another poo halfway through change, using up the only spare nappy we'd brought. So me covered in poo, him covered in poo and screaming, and dh generally getting cried at. It was a long walk back to the car....

Hear not here. Oh dear, I sometimes wonder whether my brain is actually deteriorating with every nappy change.

My toddlers both pooed in the bath, repeatedly.

We were on a long car journey so I said "Let's tell each other a secret that we've never told anyone before." And I told them mine, DH told his, DD told hers. DS age 7 said sadly "I don"t have a secret."

"Oh yes you do," says DH.

It turns out that DS and DH had gone to see granny (my MIL) and stayed over. In the morning, DS was chatting to granny in the kitchen in his pyjamas. He suddenly rushed out of the room and up the stairs clutching his bottom.

"And did a little bit of poo fall out on the stairs?" says Dad? "No," says Son. "I think it did...." says Dad. I am pissing myself laughing at this point.

"And that's not the worst of it," says DH in a sorry sounding voice. "I trod on it."