Why won't his ex-girlfriend go away?

[Danyt]

I have no one to talk to about this as it's humiliating, confusing, sounds trivial to some and to be honest, I'm rather lacking in the friend department of late.

I've moved hundreds of miles to live with my boyfriend. I left my high powered career, left my best friend, family...I've made the biggest life changes and it felt right. Everything was great for a year here and I thought that everything was fitting in to place.

I had known he had an ex who lived here too and knew his friendship group. I didn't worry as she didn't seem to be on the scene as she had a new boyfriend and from what his friends always told me, they (her and my partner) ended on bad terms - screaming at each other in public and ruining everyone's night constantly. I got to know his friends well, especially the girlfriends of his boy pals. I was happy to have met new friends. My boyfriend told me his ex was awful and cheated on him. I didn't think there was anything to worry about. Our relationship has been superb.

A few months ago, she split up with her boyfriend and has now totally got back in with the friendship group. The girls no longer speak to me and I am not invited to parties - as she is there with all my boyfriends friends and the girls who I thought were my friends. It's odd as they all hang around in couples and she's the single one there - it's like she's sitting waiting. Me and my boyfriend stay at home but I never get left out of the snapchat story they post, so I can see what fun they're having. She even turned up at a (my boyfriend's) party where I was there and she was totally not invited, only to proceed to snog her girl mate in front of my boyfriend. She's been trying to go to my boyfriends parents house too, to catch up with his family. It's absolutely breaking my heart and I don't know what to do. It doesn't help that a close girl pal of my boyfriend is her best mate and everything we see her she talks nonstop of his ex. This habit has increased massively since she's come back on the scene.

I'm worried that my boyfriend is going to resent the fact that we now have to stay in at weekends to avoid her. He can't hang around with his mates as she's there. If he goes out its on his own - I just sit in the house alone. It's causing deep problems and he is fed up of me speaking about it. She's even started hanging around with new friends I've made here that she didn't hang around with before, I have no one to turn to and no one to speak to. I can't talk to my family as I made the decision to move here. My best friend from where I used to live thinks it's trivial, which it is. It seems like it's only so long before my boyfriend just goes and joins the wonderful party that they're all having together - like old times.

I'm also pregnant. So the isolation and loneliness is really starting to kick in as no one knows yet. I just don't know what to do as I have never felt so out of control and helpless.

I've also moved jobs again here due to being bullied at work/not agreeing with the dictatorship that ruled (I worked at my last job for 6 years so to move twice in ten months is devastating.) I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers and sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. What's the point?

I think you need to look at why this is bothering you so much.

At University I had a brief relationship with one of my friends - it wasn't my most sensible decision ever, we should never have crossed the friendship line, but hey, sometimes you are young and daft....

He is now married to another girl in our social group. 15 years on she still actively excluded me from social events she is organising and vetoes their presence at events others organise and I"m going to (I know because people have told me she asks what I've RSVP'd before she replies on their behalf).

On one hand it is quite flattering that she perceives me to be such a threat on the other hand I find it all quite bewildering -they are in a relationship, I'm happy with my life and I wouldn't interfere. I'm a godparent to one of my other exes children FGS. I know how to behave!

So I'd say get out there be a couple, go to the same social things and ride it out it won't be uncomfortable for long.... and FGS make a crap excuse about why you aren't drinking and stop the pregnancy induced purdah. Take the car, or be on Metronidazole for a dental abscess.

Shallow because the OP feels they've dumped her now the exGF is on the scene and because her bf has been invited solely to a bbq but not the OP.

It would have been more condemnatory to describe them as mean, but I'll stick with shallow as I don't think much thought has gone into their actions, bar for their own comfort.

It all sounds very TOWIE and exhausting! You need to concentrate on your pregnancy now OP and leave this lot to it.

It's not q nice feeling to think you are unliked for whatever reason, but really, do you truly value their opinions?

It seems deep down you fear she has some hold over your partner and being pregnant has made you more vulnerable and needy of his reassurance. I hope you can get this from him and put all this drama out of your mind.

Okay that^ was mean... but it was mean in the cruel to be kind way.

Basically yabu because you don't have to be in this situation, the power is completely in your hands. How the ex behaves is shitty and out of your control BUT you can make sure it doesn't get to u. You've WON! Woman up! Please please please don't let that silly clown & poor excuse for a woman disrupt your family especially for the little ones sake. Xx

When you say that you weren't invited do you mean that the friends actually said to your boyfriend "you can come but your girlfriend can't"? Or did they simply say to him "would you like to come?" and never said it to you?

Danyt

I think it's quite unrealistic to think
You would've made friends for life with a group of women you know through your DP who are 9 years younger and, more importantly, at a totally different life stage if they are snogging each other at parties for giggles and you are expecting a baby (congrats)

Why doesn't your DP suggest meeting up "just the lads" if he wants to see them? Or go for a meal with whichever of the couples you get on with best?

I get the feeling you are also cross with them for not ditching her when she treated him badly. He obviously isn't cross with them for this though.

I don't think he should have stopped you talking to her though - why did he do that?

Hahaha it is like Towie! I don't agree about the 9 year age gap though. I don't think that is an issue here but you wouldn't really know without knowing me/them. Thanks for your advice though.