MIL is in a mood about DD's christening

[HowVeryOdd]

I don't want to drop feed so will try to be succinct. DH and I are christening our baby in the summer. My two female cousins and my brother are godparents. MIL is annoyed that no one from 'her side' is acting as Godparent. We are extremely close to my family, DH is good mates with my brother and cousins and we see them very regularly and they dote on our little girl (6 months). My family are extremely hands on, we help each other out, are very informal and we have a lot of fun together. By comparison, DH's family are very (I hate to use the word uptight, but they are). Pils makes very little effort. If we didn't phone them, we'd never hear from them. Met them today to tell them the plans and she was very when we told her about the plans for godparents and asked who we'd be having from her side. DH's only brother isn't christened so that rules them out and we see his extended family once a year or at special occasions like weddings. She was very funny about us not asking DH brother but the reality is that he has only seen her once (DH family live an hour away), he never contacts his brother and isn't that bothered and they're not close. AIBU to think that she shouldn't view this as a massive snub? She didn't even christen her own children.

They are well within their rights to stop posting, and with the Daily Mail reporting on these types of threads I'd say the OP is lucky that the DM hasn't published their 'problem'.

Someone hit nail on head being a godparent in eyes of the church is about people who will guide children through the church and their beliefs. Our vicar will only have baptised godparents. It's not about making 'even' numbers on each family side. My son is being christened on Aug and we have my family as godparents purely because of the above and also because they are the only people consistent and trustworthy in DS's life. Why have someone as a godparent who doesn't see the child just to even up numbers?

Doesn't this thread just demonstrate for those of us with sons how tricky the in law relationship can be. It's almost impossible as you are raising your baby boy who you love more than anything to imagine that one day you will be so insignificant to him that a situation like the one in the OP arises.

I've got two DSs and a DD. It makes me sad. Yes it's a snub of epic proportions.

I've got two DSs and a DD. It makes me sad. Yes it's a snub of epic proportions.

Of course it isn't. The mil not being invited to the christening would be a snub of epip proportions. The couple being closer to the woman's cousins than members of the man's family absolutely isn't.

"Yes it's a snub of epic proportions"

No it isn't. You clearly don't understand the role of godparents. Asking someone to be a godparent just so that they aren't being snubbed is completely the wrong reason. A godparent provides spiritual guidance to the child. Clearly this isn't going to happen as the would be godparent isn't even interested in the child.

Besides, the BIL hasn't been christened and doesn't even qualify as a godparent.

Read the thread.

I've never heard of having close family as god parents. Those people are already in your life in an involved way, hopefully. Everyone I know chooses friends, and my own are friends of my parents, not relatives.

*Yes it's a snub of epic proportions"

No it isn't. You clearly don't understand the role of godparents. Asking someone to be a godparent just so that they aren't being snubbed is completely the wrong reason. A godparent provides spiritual guidance to the child. Clearly this isn't going to happen as the would be godparent isn't even interested in the child.*

No where in the what the op has written suggests the her family are
religious, they may be christened but that doesn't mean they had any choice In being christened, they may have been babies themselves and not stepped in church since.

The op stated her family are close, hands on, but I wondered how much of that is because she allows those relationships to develope.
It's sounds to me as if op keeps the in laws at arms length.

It's a complete snub and it must really her your in laws and your dh.
Tbh it will take a lot of courage on their part to attend knowing you think so little of them, and trying to squeeze themselves a role in your dd life.

Doesn't this thread just demonstrate for those of us with sons how tricky the in law relationship can be. It's almost impossible as you are raising your baby boy who you love more than anything to imagine that one day you will be so insignificant to him that a situation like the one in the OP arises

No! OP said this By comparison, DH's family are very (I hate to use the word uptight, but they are). Pils makes very little effort. If we didn't phone them, we'd never hear from them. I don't suppose you will be like that with your boys when you are older.

I can confirm that some churches ask for evidence of godparents being christened.

I was once asked to be a god parent. Now, I had been christened as a baby, have godparents myself (that I never speak to, just happened). I have however, never bothered with religion, and I'm an atheist. I could have accepted the offer to be a god parent and was indeed asked about whether I was christened, but I declined as it would have been hypocritical of me.

Not everyone thinks like you do Raspberry. I stated earlier that there is a lot of hypocrisy surrounding christenings and clearly loads of people still subscribe to this hypocrisy.

Have a non religious naming ceremony instead.

I don't know why it is a snub. Christening is a religious ceremony and the role of godparent is a religious role. If the inlaws are not religious then why be upset?

I really disagree with people having christenings' but have no intention of following through with the commitment. It cheapens it and is hypocritical. Just have a naming party or something.

My church doesn't do child baptism so we had a party with friends and family.