Working parents - how do you do it all?

[MalmMumma]

Just that really. I have a 2.5 year old DS, work 4 days, in a very busy, relatively stressful job and trying to progress to the next level within the next year or so. I feel like time runs away from me everyday and before I know it, it's time to go home and I've not achieved everything on my to do list. By the time we sort or tea, bath, bed, our own dinner, get tidied up, make lunch for the next day, do any washing etc, it's 9pm at the earliest and if I log onto emails at that point, I'm either totally ineffective/exhausted or can't sleep when I go to bed after too much screen time. Does anyone have a magic solution other than ! How do you juggle all the balls?

Single parent to 3 kids now aged 19,18,13 and I have always worked. When kids were younger I spent most days feeling totally exhausted and achieving very little (or so it seemed). That said, I made sure we sat round the table for a meal at least twice a week, made time for stories/spellings/ homework ( albeit on the way to school sometimes)and did something fun at weekends even if it was relatively simple. The house was a tip, money was often non existent (especially in school holidays), and I constantly felt I had failed them all and compared myself to others who seemed to have it all so organised. I stopped worrying when my 3 all told me that their childhood memories were of happy times and would never change a single thing. They have an amazing work ethic, all can cook, do laundry, shopping and we value each other's time immensely. My house is still full of cobwebs, crumpled clothing ( we all hate ironing) and the lawn needs cutting. If others don't like it, they don't have to visit. I just don't care because we are happy and healthy. Concentrate on what matters the most and enjoy .

But how do you all cope with the school holidays? That's the killer for me and why I've just given up work again. 4kids aged 13, 11, 5 and 2. DH works away a lot. No other family. Searched high and low but could only find holiday clubs for the summer break and none would take eldest DS or ds2 next year either. All 5-11. DH can manage to cover 2 or 3wks of holidays leaving me with 4 or 5. It's an impossibility!

So my questions;

1. what do you do with young teenagers too old for holiday clubs?
2. what do you do if you don't have family and your leave wouldn't cover their hols?

I've checked local CMs too but they all take their wraparound school aged mindees f/t during half terms and stuff.
Don't have other local parents to share out with either.

And does it all mean, like it seems to for us that you never ever manage a family summer holiday as all AL is used up on the other weeks?

Both DH and I work ft. DC are 8 and 5.

We manage by me doing 2 shorter days and finishing early enough to collect them from school - on those afternoons I do a proper meal and there's usually enough leftovers for the following night for DH and I,as the DC go to after school club/cm in between my shorter days. I'll also be able to get some washing etc done, which is massively helpful.

Other than that, I don't find it too bad. Our one luxury is the woman who does our ironing, she's fantastic and has saved us so much time and arguments.

I also tend to do the admin type stuff on the train to work or during my lunch hour. Ditto to clothes shopping for the kids.

I don't find it too bad, I'd prefer more time off but we need the two wages.

I tried compressed hours a couple of years ago and it was dreadful, I didn't benefit from the day off at all - I was shattered. My 2 shorter days feels so much better.

• get up at 5 to 5:30 whether working or not
• dont watch tv
• just get on with what needs to be done
• work efficiently

i work full time 24/7 shifts in the emergency services, as does DH. We have a busy social schedule, a very busy 6 year old and we both have our own small businesses as well (i make cakes, dh gardens). i am a brownie leader and do Rotary voluntary work. DH helps at school one afternoon a week as well. oh and we have foreign students too.

i never stop. that's the key along with effective tine management

Longchalk - holiday club. Fortunatly there is a reasonably priced one that runs at our local leisure centre every school holiday. At 13, there is the youth club, football, tennis club, drama/dance etc which tend to be shorter hours, but the teens here seem to do a few hours of those then do other things like go to the pool/gym/other peoples houses.
No family help here, so we have a week together, then time off separately

We are also overseas with zero family help...YY to those who have said no tv...ours was disconnected 8 years ago.,we watch the old download if we get time but mainly read, chat and listen to some music once the day is done..I feel a lot calmer than I do when I had a telly....

In our case we outsource.... Cleaner, gardener, nanny. And reduce the commute. I can walk to school, then work and the whole lot takes 20 mins. Never leave too early and hang around, put dishwasher on, washing on etc while Ds eats breakfast.

But both always try to be home 6.00 pm, one cooks, one plays with ds.

Reduce bath times, and other unnecessary stuff....

always do fair share or more of play dates at our house. Looking after 2 friends easier than looking after just ds. But also means I never feel guilty if I need a favour (eg nanny brother dying, obviously meaning she took time off at very short notice). And when I need a favour I ask for it. But don't mind when the answer is no.

Get ds involved where possible, he likes gardening, hoovering, cooking....

Always have diary with me.

Don't worry if stuff doesn't get done, can always catch up tomorrow, or by tomorrow maybe the job won't need doing after all.....

Thanks, CMOTDibbler.
Ours are reasonably priced but only run in the summer although one year they did run at Easter but I guess the take up was low.
Ds1 hates sport with a passion. I really struggle to find anything suitable for a non sporty 13yr old. My 11yr old is quite immature and in no way responsible enough to do a short day and get himself there and back. I'm already worrying about secondary school for him in Sept. The 5yr old is shattered, utterly shattered and we all need a family holiday but that's not possible if we both work.

Longchalk - one of us is a teacher.

Another saying yy to no tv/screen of any sort in the morning.

Many sandwiches and fishfingers!

Corner cutting with everything.

A decent bloke who does loads.

I have a job most people think is very high pressured but I've been doing it for years so immune. DH is a lawyer. We have 4 children.
These are the things which really make the difference:
I fought hard to work as much as reasonable from home.
DH is as good as me with the children who range from 3-15.
We have no childcare but a brilliant cleaner twice a week.
We are both brutal about both throwing things out and prioritising.

That's it for us really. Many balls get dropped but we try and catch all the important ones.
We drink wine on more days than we really ought to and household biscuit consumption is shocking.
I am definitely a fan of happy children/us over ironing, cleaning and adults doing children's homework!

Forgot to say, DH and I work as much as poss from home. I'm here when he's not and vice versa. Otherwise school holidays would have been impossible.

I do a pretty good attempt at having it all. I am very senior in a full time role with responsibility that is significant. My husband is also in a professional role, although not as senior and with less responsibility. I am very involved in local community, sit on boards and my husband has a significant hobby. I have limited family support. We try very hard to be available for our children and ensure that we make all significant school/ nursery events including reading weekly. It is fucking hard. Top tips, we share the load (my husband went to a 0.9 contract to do this as his work were less flexible), we spend almost all of our disposable income on childcare -nanny - and go without swank holidays to afford it and crucially, I'm senior enough that while responsibility never ends I have some control over my diary and high level of trust from employers. Can not get my kids to go to bed though! I have a whole thread running on that

This is so helpful. I'm a full time student on a heavy course and my DH works full time. We have 4 DC and I'm constantly chasing my tail.

My mum has practically moved in mon-fri. I think if she didn't I'd have to get a nanny or au pair to do school pick ups dinner and some cleaning.

And I'm still struggling.

Longchalk we have a few hol club options but I think 11 is a tricky age. Non sporty options include drama franchises, dance, craft at a local garden centre, and private after school club providers. A lot do restricted hours so we have to be creative tag teaming the wraparound or sharing with other families. Big franchises or outward bound centres do specialist weeks eg science or cooking, which might appeal to some, but can be £££. Would any nurseries take your littlest one? Our nursery was the perfect childcare for my two in YR and not too much for them.

We rarely have A/L off together though, which is a shame, and we've never taken kids on term time holidays because we've never had enough annual leave to spare outside school hols. I work PT which I think helps with the hols massively. 2/5 of them are covered before we even start thinking about clubs etc.

Back to the OP, my random tip is to use the weekly online shop for other essentials. They sell water bottles, tupperware, hairbrushes, slides and hair bobbles, make up, batteries. Take advantage of all catering, eg take all hot meal options at nursery/school and then do sandwiches for tea.

Watching for ideas too! Work 7-6.30pm 5 days a week & have 2dc. I'm always tired, always have housework to do & always stressed. Would love to do 4 days so I could maybe get a head start with some housework. Unfortunately I've just lowered my standards. Which I actually really hate & does make me miserable. But I cram as much out doorsy fun stuff in as I can on the weekend. Week days are just work & housework.

Yes, I guess if your job allows the flexibility of working from home regularly or even occasionally, it must make a difference. The public sector isn't so keen on that.

Single parent, full time in stressful job with a 6 and 8 year old. I use after school care if I need to, but often I get to work from home so can pick them up in my late 'lunch hour'.
I make the kids help with cleaning; teamwork. Click and collect shopping as its easier to grab on way back from picking kids up from school. Everything that can be done is done the night before. Packed lunch in fridge. School bags in the car the night before. Dd's hair french plaited and hairsprayed the night before to save time. School clothes in separate piles so kids just need to get up and put them on. Bowls and spoons for cereal put out the night before so all kids need to do is pour it and eat. And then teeth and go. We're normally all up, ready and out the door within 30mins.
I make dc go to bed at 7.30 at the latest, because any later and they struggle in the morning. Then after getting all the next day chores done I catch up with friends or chill out with my kindle. It seems to work.

Loulou- get a cleaner. Way cheaper than dropping a days work to clean/do housework.

Longchalk ds is 12 he is staying home alone this half term and then going to the skate park in the afternoons. Like others I get up before 6, run twice a week, don't drink alcohol in the week. I also work between home and school, so that helps....

Lots of juggling here! I luckily work part-time (but 9-5, 1hr commute by car each way, no flexible working) DP works long hours/away. No family close by. The school holidays are the worst, and sodding homework.

The last 2 years, since DS started school, we haven't managed a family holiday & take leave separately to cover as much as possible. DS has been sent to his grandparents for 2 weeks of school holidays. DD in nursery, that's so much easier as it's a 51-week service 7.30-6.30. Childcare is £100 daily in the school holidays for both DC - nearly bankrupted us last summer.

I have my main meal at lunch at work, DC get hot meal at nursery/after-school club, so I just have a sandwich /soup/salad when I get in. I avoid ironing, tidy as I go, get a monthly online shop. Had a cleaner but had to stop as they were unreliable. Quite often the homework just doesn't get done.

I never sit down before 9-9.30pm, don't watch tv, do everything the night before (lay out uniform, clothes, packed lunches etc).

Wish I had time for exercise.....

Single parent to 3 dc- 10, 8 and 1. No family support and ex lives abroad. I have a relatively stressful job (out 7.40am - 6pm on work days) and one of my dc does an activity for 22 hours a week which requires lots of taxi servicing!

I just have to be super organised. Everything goes on my iPhone calendar the minute I find out about it (appointments, school trips, competitions etc). I buy my shopping online. I do jobs as I see them so nothing builds up. I hang washing out in the morning so by bedtime it's dry and ready to put away. I used to order school lunches, but I can't afford them any more, so instead, I make packed lunches as soon as we get in from work/childcare and put them in the fridge. Dishwasher goes on at night and gets emptied before leaving. The older children do their own breakfast and feed the smallest for me in the morning.
I always make time for bath and stories for my youngest every night, that's our time. The oldest often sit and talk to me in the evening when I am doing my work on the laptop. We are all very close, and my dc seem incredibly happy.
Accepting that our life isn't perfect, but at least we have our health and each other has helped me to relax a little more.

LongChalk - maybe, at least for the summer, you could look for a student who would be around for them all? Then they could chill at home, have a few hours away from the little ones, but there was someone around keeping an eye on them

Obelisk, thank you. Yes, dd's nursery does take ds3 but won't next year.
It's just the idea of never managing a family holiday together. It's utterly depressing which is why I'm chucking it in. Just came on here wondering if I'd missed something that other people did that I could take on board to allow me to remain in my job.