WIBU to let my five year old walk 20 houses down while I watched her?!

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

I'm stuck at home today as my youngest DD is poorly... She's alternating between screaming about her ears and falling asleep with a high temperature and had just fallen asleep on the sofa when our friend about 20 houses down text and invited older DD for a play date.

I explained I couldn't leave, she said the same re her youngest, so I stood out on the end of my drive and watched her walk 20 houses down to where my friend was waiting. No problem...

Until DH called to check in and I mentioned DD1 was at a play date, and he asked if I'd managed to take DD2 out... I said no and that she'd walked herself, with me watching! And he went crazy.

WIBU?? Is such a short distance really that risky??

Rafa

Yes because houses catch fire all the time don't they Rafa and burn down in the time it takes OP to jog down the street and back. I think you'll find much more kids are injured/killed from being run over than from houses burning down. Hence my suggestion that I would leave DC at home for 2 mins rather than have one wondering down a road, if they were terraced I'd be less worried but crossing lots of driveways is more of a concern.

Yes AtSea but Rafa is pointing out, rather humorously, that MNetters as a whole never support a mum leaving a sick child AT HOME ALONE. So the poor OP was well and truly f*cked - she couldn't leave the sick child at home, and she couldn't let the well child walk 20 houses (watched all the time, mind) to a friend's house. OP should have just sucked it up and dealt with having 2 miserable kids at home. (Well, why did she have them anyway if she couldn't cope???)

I used to walk to school alone at 5 . There were 2 roads to cross. I used to take my 4 year old sister and make her hold my hand. When she was five she made my dad witness a signed declaration of independence so that she didn't have to hold my hand. I was six by that time but thought my dad was irresponsible to witness the declaration.

Anyway we knew all about traffic due to being Tufty club members

YANBU

Forgot to say that in my opinion my sister at five wasn't as sensible as me at five

A lot depends on the child

I wouldn't let my five year old DS walk anywhere on his own. They aren't equipped to handle anything going wrong. His wee pal lives less than 20 houses away and I always walk him there and go to collect him. His wee friends parents are the same. Too precious to take the risk with

Could the play date parent not have come and collected your DC?

I would have done this without worrying. At 5 my 5 year old was playing out on her bike. Quiet area though.

Mine too Hairy.
My two were at the park at the end of our cul-de-sac at that age and playing out the front on their bikes with their pals.

I'd never do that. Dd is nearly 5 and I could barely trust her to walk 3 houses down. She is easily distracted. If she suddenly crossed the road to stroke a cat for example, you'd never reach her.

That's my feeling anyway based on my child. If it's that near you don't even puy baby in buggy - just carry and walk with dd.

It is interesting how things have changed. I'm 29, and like most pp was definitely 'playing out' at 5 and sent down the local shop from not much older. All the kids did so (ordinary terrace) and the adults would take it in turns to keep an eye out through the windows/from their gardens etc. The only time I was in any danger (that I know of) was when the brakes failed on my bike, which would have happened with or without an adult. And of course when my mother was young they were roaming the streets from a young age and doing objectively dangerous things like constructing 'rollerskates' and playing with matches etc. Have things really become more dangerous? More traffic? There definitely aren't more abductions or child-on-child violence than at any other time in history - these have stayed pretty static in the 20th C. I suppose we're all just more aware due to media etc, and the one tragedy that does happen gets reported everywhere whereas in the past only locals would have known about. Modern culture probably does prevent some individual tragedies, but on the other hand, our kids are apparently the unhappiest in Europe. It's hard.

On the Germany thing - that's where I am and things are shifting here too. I'd say it is equally normal for a 6 or 7yo to walk to school alone as it is for a parent to walk them. The dominant cultural idea is that school starters (this happens at an age between about 5 and a half and 7 - it varies a bit from state to state) are supposed to go alone with preparation, and there are usually advertising campaigns in late summer reminding drivers to watch out for new schoolchildren. But you're no longer looked askance at if you walk your child for the first couple of years. That said, I was/am still right at the 'bonkers overprotective' end of the scale for not letting my older two walk home alone (15 min, quietish small town, roads with crossings) until 9 and 8 respectively (and the 8yo I mostly met halfway), and for never yet having let them walk alone in the mornings (traffic).

(Neither is it entirely true any more that German kids are left to sort out bullying issues themselves. I've found school largely helpful when I've had to mention bad behaviour towards my children. There is still less of an emphasis on pastoral care and on personal and social education, but schools are waking up to this part of their role)

I think there is a community culture around children in the UK. But while over here it is a little about everyone keeping a bit of an eye out, unaccompanied children being normal in public spaces, the UK's seems to me to be more about the kind of judgement seen on this thread. I think there is a culture of overprotectiveness with a shrill hysterical edge, but the collective response to that seems to be to judge/shame individual parents rather than looking at the nature of our community.

iloveeverykindofcat (thoroughly approve of your username, btw ), I have a bit of a morbid fascination with 'vintage' public information films and it seems to me that a lot of the 70s/80s ones were about warning children supervised less closely than ours are today of the dangers of crtain behaviours (matches, playing on farms/near water etc), as well as alerting parents to these dangers. It must have been the case that this lack of supervision led to enough horrible accidents for this to be seen as needed.
I remember vividly one film in particular implying a small child dashing across the road and being run over, with an onimous voiceover saying 'Children under 5 must never be let out of doors on their own'. This must, therefore, have been a common-ish practice whose dangers were being realised at that time.

I remember vividly one film in particular implying a small child dashing across the road and being run over, with an onimous voiceover saying 'Children under 5 must never be let out of doors on their own'.

wince

I think it was probably common in the 50s/60s and the 70s where when things started to change. Though 'on their own' could be taken to mean without an older sibling/cousin/friend.

These threads depress me. Do people live in such an insane state of fear and paranoia that a 5 year old can't be further than a few feet from his mother in case he is snatched.

My 4 year old goes further away than this from me while playing in the park

My five year old walks two fields away to get to his mate. He also gets a public bus which takes 25 minutes, put on at one end and collected by me at the other.

No problem at all. What do people actually think is going to happen to a child walking along a pavement for a few meters?

They might get hit by a reversing car. Thats not possible in a park, or a field. That would be my worry, anyway. We all have to make our own choices.

funnyperson tufty club. That's a blast from the past! I was in that.
OP YANBU.

CARS REVERSING FROM DRIVEWAYS!!! I went to a council led training course on how to teach children to cross the road safely. Unfortunately, as adults we forget what its like to be a child keeping safe around cars. A five-year old would not be able to recognise the sound/sights a car is about to reverse - and they are too small to be seen by the driver. While I appreciate it seems its safe to watch a child walk somewhere - its unexpected things like cars reversing from driveways which could unfortunately led to a tragedy. Its the same with children crossing behind parked cars - oncoming traffic can't see them until the child has stepped into their path and the driver only has a short amount of warning that they need to stop. Trucks are also especially difficult - truck drivers can't even see tall adults just in front or to the side of a truck. A truck company kindly sent a truck and driver to our primary school and the children were able to take a turn in the driver's seat to get an understanding about how truck drivers can't see them.

Depends if you have a clear view , no roads to cross or if you live in a cul de sau

It's a it 1970s but if needs must

When I was a kid there was less traffic coupled with everyone knowing everyone, so walking to your friend a few doors away was more acceptable.

Why can't OP (or any parent) just train her DD to stop at every driveway along the way to check if a car is reversing? Or to make a loud noise and wave in front of every car she sees, whether there is someone in it or not?

Jesus wept we are fast running out of cotton wool.

OP. Nothing wrong with it at all. Tell your DH to give his head a wobble.

When I was 5 my friend and I got the bus to school by ourselves a few times. It wasn't a school bus, it was in the middle of a city and our mums didn't even walk us to the bus stop. We used to walk home from school alone every day and stop off to play in the park. All without an adult in sight. I remember it very clearly so it was obviously a big deal but my how times have changed. You did nothing wrong.