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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to let my five year old walk 20 houses down while I watched her?!

131 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 01/06/2016 15:43

I'm stuck at home today as my youngest DD is poorly... She's alternating between screaming about her ears and falling asleep with a high temperature and had just fallen asleep on the sofa when our friend about 20 houses down text and invited older DD for a play date.

I explained I couldn't leave, she said the same re her youngest, so I stood out on the end of my drive and watched her walk 20 houses down to where my friend was waiting. No problem...

Until DH called to check in and I mentioned DD1 was at a play date, and he asked if I'd managed to take DD2 out... I said no and that she'd walked herself, with me watching! And he went crazy.

WIBU?? Is such a short distance really that risky?? Confused

OP posts:
clarrrp · 02/06/2016 12:51

I'm not in the UK and certainly hope my DS will be capable enough for this when he's 5, as at that age, they are expected to walk to school by themselves. Schools will send you leaflets explaining why this is important for their development.

I'm sorry, but walking to school alone at 5 is just insane and no responsible parent would ever do that. So many things can happen and it only takes a second. And it doesn't matter how 'mature' you think your children are at 5, they are still CHILDREN and they are still small and fragile and do stupid things.

mommybunny · 02/06/2016 12:53

No way I would allow it on our own road, which has no pavement, is very narrow and twisting and comes right off an A-road (so even though speed limit is 30 it's honoured more in the breach ...). I let my DCs (11 and9) run riot through our woods and cross roads going from the woods to our local high street but I'm still really nervous about them crossing our own road because it's so dangerous.

However, under the circumstances described by OP, I don't see what the fuss is.

clarrrp · 02/06/2016 12:54

It must be hard to live a normal life with this kind of paranoia.

Not paranoid, but point out something that so many parents think will never happen to them. But it does happen. And in that case could you run out over a distance of what, 80 -100 yards in a couple of seconds? Doubt it.

Likewise, you see a car reversing out of a driveway and your kid not paying attention, will they even hear if you shout a warning?

It's not paranoia, it's considering all the potential dangers and risks and minimising them.

Wincher · 02/06/2016 12:57

clarrp it is very much the norm in Germany and Switzerland - it would be seen as very odd for a parent to walk a 5 year old to school. They all have hi-vis collar things.

I'm in London and now allow my 5 year old to go to the postbox by himself. It's across a quiet road and then about 50m along, but out of sight because of parked cars etc (though I can see the top of the postbox). I stand outside and watch while he crosses the road, allowing him to make the judgement as to when it's safe to cross (but would obv intervene if it wasn't). Then I stand and wait for him to come back and see him across the road again. It works for us as the beginnings of independence.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/06/2016 12:57

I'm sorry, but walking to school alone at 5 is just insane and no responsible parent would ever do that.

It is of course possible that the entire population of Switzerland is irresponsible, but that's what is done here.

hippiedays · 02/06/2016 13:00

I agree with your DH. If it was less than ten houses then I might have allowed it but thirty houses is too long. Any distance where you can't easily reach her is too long and to run fifteen houses, presuming your friend could also have run fifteen houses, is too many.

Also if there are thirty houses between what you say is a short distance, then it is a built up area and a car could have reversed out of a driveway etc. Five years is too young to have walked that distance alone.

hippiedays · 02/06/2016 13:05

Just because they allow it in Switzerland and Germaby doesn't mean it is right. I have heard of many ex pat parents who walk with their child to the street closest to the school and then hide so the school won't see they have walked with them. If children are bullied in school, Swiss and German schools believe the children should sort it out themselves without school or parent intervention. As a result there is a big bullying problem in Switzerland. So just because some things are 'done' in Germany and Switzerland, it doesn't mean that everything they do is right.

Pootles2010 · 02/06/2016 13:10

I would say no, but only because of cars reversing out of driveways. They're so little, its so easy for them not the be seen - you couldn't get to her in time.

Do you know what? I probably would have walked/ran her down myself, if your little one is asleep. I appreciate that a lot on here will disagree with me! But I would see a risk of cars is bigger than risk of anything happening to the little one, in the house.

tootyflooty · 02/06/2016 13:16

It was a one off, and you both had her in your line of vision at all times, I probably wouldn't have done it, but I still don't think it was an unreasonable thing to do. I most likely would have carried the other child , at least half way. But it's one of those snap decisions you make in the moment, no harm done.

Thatrabbittrickedme · 02/06/2016 13:16

I too would have run her down the road, leaving the baby (assuming baby couldn't roll off the sofa, or preferably in their cot....)

UpWithPup · 02/06/2016 13:23

YANBU - all your DD had to do was walk in a straight line, she didn't have to cross roads or judge traffic or anything. The furthest she was ever away from an adult was 10 houses. No big deal.

CheesyWeez · 02/06/2016 13:25

No problem OP. Your friend was watching her too. If you felt it was okay then it was!
I suppose you could have walked part of the way, a few houses' away, as your baby was safe at home

SJL2311 · 02/06/2016 13:30

I don't see a problem at all. I do however see why children are growing up cosseted and over protected by parents who don't allow their children the tiniest bit of independence.

They should be taking tiny steps like this - we are preparing them to make their way in the world. There are always going to be risks!

I have friends who dont allow their children to scoot the slightest bit ahead of them even on a quiet road. These are 6 and 7 year olds not tots. I am seen as the lax parent but I do feel comfortable with my decisions so that's all I can go by. Therefore all I can say is trust your own instincts!

alwaysinamuddle · 02/06/2016 14:02

I'd definitely do it but then I was flamed for similar so it may not mean much

You know your DD, and if you've explained to her all about potential hazards and she has shown understanding, then she's as safe as you could hope her to be unless you have her glued to your hip at all times.

PrincessHairyMclary · 02/06/2016 14:24

It's not a question of giving your child independence, my 6 year old has loads of independence when we're camping and going off to collect water, go to the toilet alone because it's away from cars. The threat is from busy roads and adults driving. If it was on a road with no driveways no problem but the fact is they are very small and hard to see. My very sensible DD ran into the road the other day because a dog barked at her and she doesn't like dogs. She was slightly ahead of her dad and he wasn't quick enough to react fortunate,y there weren't any cars.

Yes countries like Germany and Switzerland have an entire culture where young children walk around alone, and the community keeps an eye on them which is brilliant However we don't have that culture here and drivers don't expect to see little ones out and about by themselves so aren't keeping an eye out specifically for them.

OP you did what you thought was right and that's ok but I also understand your DPs stance.

mommybunny · 02/06/2016 14:28

You know your DD, and if you've explained to her all about potential hazards and she has shown understanding, then she's as safe as you could hope her to be unless you have her glued to your hip at all times.

Amen to that. And I never flamed you Wink

alwaysinamuddle · 02/06/2016 14:31

mommy Flowers

bigTillyMint · 02/06/2016 14:45

OP, did you do it? I think I would have done it with mine at 5, and I definitely did it myself with no one watching when I was 5. Back in the Dark Ages!

I'm sorry, but walking to school alone at 5 is just insane and no responsible parent would ever do that. So many things can happen and it only takes a second. And it doesn't matter how 'mature' you think your children are at 5, they are still CHILDREN and they are still small and fragile and do stupid things.

I walked to school on my own from starting Reception. About a 5min walk, crossing two roads (admittedly quiet,) in suburbia, totally out of sight of my parents.

MangoMoon · 02/06/2016 15:18

It's due to building up independence in little stages like this that my kids are able to run feral with no problems now that they're older.

This half term they've said cheerio in the morning & come home for dinner time every day so far.
It's ace!

mommybunny · 02/06/2016 15:28

Now that the sun is FINALLY peeking out my 2 DCs are getting ready to go run feral themselves into town, as soon as DS finishes revising for his exams when school starts again. They will have a strict time limit by which they need to be home, and if I have to go looking for them and they aren't dead they will wish they were! Wink

MangoMoon · 02/06/2016 15:38

Mommybunny Grin

PurpleTraitor · 02/06/2016 17:41

I also walked to school on my own from year 1 (not reception) I was 5 and 4 months in year 1.

By year 2 I was walking my reception age sibling to school and back

My DCs have had to wait till year 4 to walk by themselves. I only left school in the year 2000. For some reason, the world went bonkers in the intervening years.

corythatwas · 02/06/2016 17:44

I can see the point of a car reversing out of a driveaway and not spotting an unaccompanied 5yo because of their lower height. But when it comes to random cars mounting the pavement- what protection could you give there as an adult. When a random car mounted the pavement near us, the lady who was taking her children to school was knocked down and was hospitalised for week. Hardly much of a protection.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 02/06/2016 18:28

Well done, OP.

This has to be the first MN thread I've seen where posters are suggesting you leave one of your children home alone. Grin Presumably they haven't considered that the house will catch fire or that you will get knocked down by a car while you are out.

Senac32 · 02/06/2016 18:35

I agree with PrincessHairy etc - the risk is from unexpected traffic or the 5yr old seeing something interesting at the other side of the road.
Having sad that, my 2 little boys went to school together on their own at age 6 and 5, but there was far less traffic in those days. I think now I would carry the poorly baby and walk with the 5 yr old.

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