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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to let my five year old walk 20 houses down while I watched her?!

131 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 01/06/2016 15:43

I'm stuck at home today as my youngest DD is poorly... She's alternating between screaming about her ears and falling asleep with a high temperature and had just fallen asleep on the sofa when our friend about 20 houses down text and invited older DD for a play date.

I explained I couldn't leave, she said the same re her youngest, so I stood out on the end of my drive and watched her walk 20 houses down to where my friend was waiting. No problem...

Until DH called to check in and I mentioned DD1 was at a play date, and he asked if I'd managed to take DD2 out... I said no and that she'd walked herself, with me watching! And he went crazy.

WIBU?? Is such a short distance really that risky?? Confused

OP posts:
TheMasterMurderedMargarita · 02/06/2016 07:13

It's fine.
And I think I'm over protective.
We used to walk to my granny's in an L-shape iyswim. Mum would watch 1 leg and gran would watch the other and ring to let them know we had made it alive.
It's good to allow little bits of independence after all a lot of parenting is preparing them to live on their own. It doesn't suddenly become an issue when they are 16.

heron98 · 02/06/2016 07:17

Sounds fine to me. You're WATCHING her. I really don't see the issue.

On my street 5 year olds regularly walk themselves to the shop. The roads are quite busy but they seem to have a lot of freedom.

Costacoffeeplease · 02/06/2016 07:22

I don't see the issue either, she was watched by not one, but two adults

LunaLoveg00d · 02/06/2016 07:22

how quickly could you run out if they were snatched?

Complete paranoia. OP I would definitely do this, we are on a quieter road but my son has a friend the same distance away and I make the same arrangements with his mum.

FanDabbyFloozy · 02/06/2016 07:27

I am a total worry wart.. and this would not bother me at all. You were watching the whole time.

Your DH was being unreasonable!

YouMakeMyDreams · 02/06/2016 07:29

When I read threads like this I'm always a bit Confused at some of the answers. Obviously there are 5 year old son I know that I just wouldn't let walk down the street without holding my hand if I had them out because they are just too unpredictable but the op felt her Dd was sensible enough not to walk into the road it was 20 houses on the same Street.
I live in a village now so the risk assessments are different but I live in a city when ds1 and Dd were younger and the walk to my friends house was in an l shape walk from mine. Same situation as the pp she would let me know her Dd was leaving send her out she would watch her until the corner and I'd watch her the rest and text when she was with me. But 20 houses on the same Street when both adults could see her I see as a food thing. It's a safe way to allow a little bit of independence.

Ginslinger · 02/06/2016 07:30

of course it's fine -

lamusic · 02/06/2016 07:32

To those asking why the friend couldn't come up and meet her - the OP stated that the neighbours youngest dc was ill too so she couldn't leave the house either

flumpybear · 02/06/2016 07:35

I wouldn't probably because I'm paranoid! 20 houses us right down the other end of the road for me, good few minutes walk, I'd have put the poorly one in the pram it asked friend to pick her up (or if I was the friend I would have done it anyway !!)

MrsJayy · 02/06/2016 07:35

So she went to the end of the street with you watching her why did her dad go nuts? Seems such an overreaction

PrincessHairyMclary · 02/06/2016 07:36

Its a difficult one, I wouldn't say the threat is from her being snatched or randomly walking into the road it's from people reversing from their driveways who would be very unlikely to see her. However that doesn't stop most people from allowing their children to run/scoot off in front of them.

AtSea1979 · 02/06/2016 07:42

My concern wouldn't be the cars on the road, it would be cars reversing out their drives as DD passes. Why didn't you just run down with her and back?

AngieBolen · 02/06/2016 07:46

I really don't see the problem - you were watching her!

My 5yo would play outside our house aged 5, with a group of other DC if primary school age, but our road is VERY quiet.

You have to know the child and the road to be able to any if it was ok or not.

Fairuza · 02/06/2016 07:55

Oh course it's fine!

Do the people who are worried about children being out of arms reach never let their children run ahead of them in the park?

MadHousewife2 · 02/06/2016 08:04

As an aside, at what age do people think it would be OK or safe for their DC to do what OP's DD did? How do you judge that they are ready?

My parents often sent me out on my own from about age 5/6 to post letters in the postbox which involved me crossing our (quiet) street and going round the corner out of sight for about a block on a main road!! I also often went down the road to my friend's house to play after school and on weekends (about a hundred yards along our quiet road and on the other side of the road). In fact, thinking about it, I always played out in the front garden or played hopscotch in the street after school from about that age. I wouldn't say I was particularly streetwise. And I wouldn't say they were neglectful parents. I think children need some freedom in which to grow up - but I appreciate that maybe the world was different then. I hate that the world today has parents so frightened and children so restricted. Sad

I think it's a really difficult one.

Peasandsweetcorn · 02/06/2016 08:05

As others have said, my concern would be cars reversing off their drives. Where we live, the DC are allowed to run/scoot ahead in some places as, due to low hedges, position of drive ways etc I can see ahead and do a pretty accurate assessment whether a car on a drive is going to start reversing. However, at other points they have to be right next to me as I can't see & do that assessment.
DD's cm is about 100yds from our house but I don't let her walk herself there as the one drive way she crosses is hidden by a massive tree. The people who live in this house are retired & I know are usually still in bed when DD gets dropped off at the cm but I still don't risk it.

P1nkP0ppy · 02/06/2016 08:09

It's sad how things have changed.
At 5 I walked alone across fields and along main roads to school and home again, as did many other children.
Nowadays it seems you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.....

SellFridges · 02/06/2016 08:09

I would have done this. I stand on the corner of our road and the main road and let DD go to the post box about 50m away.

Question for the people who are saying they wouldn't do this...do you allow your kids to walk/scoot ahead on the school run?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 02/06/2016 08:12

Hmm. On fence. Like PP I would be worried about the driveways aspect of this - not about the walk per se, seeing as she was within sight at all times. But a 5yo walking somewhere 'on her own' for presumably the first time, and spontaneously so, so unprepared for the scenario, would not be watching for cars reversing/driving out.

Fairuza · 02/06/2016 08:18

When I walk up my street I let my 5yo walk/run/scoot ahead. He knows to look out for cars.

When I see other families walking to school, few are holding onto their 5 year olds at all times. Most let them go ahead and stop at roads.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 02/06/2016 08:20

Its fine. She is not going to get "snatched" as somebody suggests with plenty of foot traffic and people visibly watching her from each end of the short walk! Or at least no more likely to be than if you were a few meters behind her distract for a moment by her little sister.... so vanishingly unlikely!

Cars are the only real risk - you really have to be there in person to assess how busy the street is and know that the child is averagely sensible.

My DD started school in Germany one week before her 6th birthday (youngest in her year) and walked to the bus stop every morning, like every other child in her school (the ones nearer school walk to school, ones in outlying villages to the bus). I always watch them from my door step if I'm home when they leave, and so do lots of other parents, and some grandparents and general nosey people, and always some older people out sweeping the pavements in front of their houses and gossiping :o - there are plenty of eyes on the kids, and lots of kids on the move.

I happily let my only just 5 year old walk several houses down too, and did when he was 4.5 as well.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 02/06/2016 08:20

I've always considered myself to be fairly relaxed about children going out alone but I wouldn't have done this I don't think. Not aged 5. In my road 20 houses is almost out of sight and a lot of houses have cars parked on the front garden.

ReggaeShark · 02/06/2016 08:23

I wouldn't. Cars reversing out of driveways would be my main concern. Plus if something highly unusual should happen ...

TheSolitaryBoojum · 02/06/2016 08:25

Like with the majority of small, parenting decisions, it's a personal judgement. I raised my children before the internet and social media, so I didn't second-guess myself all the time with 'AIBU' and 'WWYD' questions to strangers.
My main advice would be that you need to sit down and talk to your husband so that you reach an accommodation between his cautiousness and your more freestyle parenting. Or that may become a more serious problem in your relationship.

Geekmama · 02/06/2016 08:27

You know your Child. Personally I wouldn't do that with my five-year-old Sorry.