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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to let my five year old walk 20 houses down while I watched her?!

131 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 01/06/2016 15:43

I'm stuck at home today as my youngest DD is poorly... She's alternating between screaming about her ears and falling asleep with a high temperature and had just fallen asleep on the sofa when our friend about 20 houses down text and invited older DD for a play date.

I explained I couldn't leave, she said the same re her youngest, so I stood out on the end of my drive and watched her walk 20 houses down to where my friend was waiting. No problem...

Until DH called to check in and I mentioned DD1 was at a play date, and he asked if I'd managed to take DD2 out... I said no and that she'd walked herself, with me watching! And he went crazy.

WIBU?? Is such a short distance really that risky?? Confused

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 02/06/2016 08:29

I think it's fine and I would do this.

MangoMoon · 02/06/2016 08:33

It's fine.
I would have done the same.

NoahVale · 02/06/2016 08:39

no, cars might be pulling in and out of drives and a 5 year old is pretty small for the drivers to notice. and 5 year olds arent so aware of the possibility of traffic.

NoahVale · 02/06/2016 08:40

you could have left your poorly dc and met the other mother half way

IAmAPaleontologist · 02/06/2016 08:49

I would yes. Mine get let loose playing down the park with their friends around age 5 with no grown up eyes on them at all. Ds1 I'd have let go without watching him. Dd would have had a strong reinforcing talk before going about walking straight there, watching where she was going, not picking flowers, pretending to be a duck and building a nest on the way and I've had watched her. Ds 2 is 4 and well trained in road safety from doing school runs since he was born so I'd probably let him walk down while being watched too.

IronMaggie · 02/06/2016 09:15

In full view, with no roads to cross? I think the average 5 year old would be fine to do this.

Fulltimemummy85 · 02/06/2016 11:42

I would have just walked out with the poorly baby. I am a panicker and think of every bad thing that may happen along the way. I wouldn't judge somebody who did though !

GrumpyMummy123 · 02/06/2016 11:45

Sounds fine and normal to me. Surely you let your 5 year old run ahead that far normally, as long as they know to stop at roads and look for cars on the pavement etc.
I'd do it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/06/2016 11:47

Fine!

PipeDownSmallFry · 02/06/2016 11:49

Why didn't both you and your friend just meet each other in the middle, leave the youngest ones at home, would have taken you 2 mins each. I wouldn't have let my daughter do that.

AugustaFinkNottle · 02/06/2016 12:00

Not just the snatching which takes seconds, but cars mounting pavements, random dogs, loss of line of sight...

No-one is going to snatch a child who is very obviously being watched by two adults. If a car mounts the pavement, OP being present won't make a difference - and anyway, this is a side road, not the sort of road a car gets the chance to build up any speed in. If a dog appears, it's unlikely that that it will be harmful, and one of the adults could get to the child in time to protect her. OP has explained that they wouldn't and didn't lose line of sight.

I really think your DH WBU, OP.

idontlikealdi · 02/06/2016 12:01

Depends on the street I guess. I wouldnt with almost 5yo DTs as they have no concept that cars actually reverse off driveways.

If it was a street with no dirveways, and a straight street, not U shaped or somehting then I probably would let them.

SanityAssassin · 02/06/2016 12:08

I would have left the sleeping child at home for a few minutes and walked the 5 year old there. All children are different though.

BeckyWithTheMediocreHair · 02/06/2016 12:08

Tbh I think it depends on your area and how road safety conscious they were, how quickly could you run out if they were snatched?

Hmm
Stratter5 · 02/06/2016 12:12

I walked to/from school at this age, about 1/2 a mile.

I'm not sure about this though, on the one hand I agree it's perfectly safe, on the other I think it's setting a possibly dangerous precedent in the child's mind - that they were allowed to walk to X by themselves, so why can't they do it again, or somewhere else, and not ask.

GabsAlot · 02/06/2016 12:12

isnt it funny the other thread about letting the boy go ahead onthe scooter at age 6 got allsorts of negative comments this one is oh your dh isbeing unreasonable

it does depend on the street i would say driveways cars reversing how would she even know or judge it-you wouldnt be able to stop it happening just watching from your house

KatharinaRosalie · 02/06/2016 12:13

I would have left the sleeping child at home for a few minutes

Ah but the house would have spontaneously combusted the second you leave a child alone, don't you know that?

clarrrp · 02/06/2016 12:14

20 houses doesn't sound like a lot, but put it into context - stand on a street and count 20 houses away - can you honestly say that you can not only clearly see a person and what they are doing at all times - especially if other people are on the street - but that you could get to them in time if something happened?

I could cite a hundred cases of kids being snatched or injured while they are with their parents,a trip, a fall, a step onto a road, a stranger.... sorry, but five is far too young to go that distance alone. You hubby was right to freak out.

HelenaJustina · 02/06/2016 12:17

snatched

FFS

For me it would have been more a traffic issue, my DC at 5 would have been over excited and run the whole way, paying no attention to cars coming/going from drive ways. But at 6-7 they would all be capable of this.

crazywriter · 02/06/2016 12:18

I asked DH and we both agreed it was a difficult one. Where we are, not a chance in hell would we do this. We're on a very busy main road with idiot drivers who don't think 30mph around a blind bend and hill is fast enough. It would also mean crossing a road or going around the blind bend so we couldn't see her.

If it was where I grew up as a kid, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But the street I grew up in, everyone knew each other and we were all forever going in and out each others houses and playing in each others backyards. Also, 20 houses would take us from the bottom of the street to the top, with no chance of anyone snatching anyone from side streets (non existent) and no roads to cross.

It would also depend on the maturity of the 5yo. I have a feeling DD1 wouldn't be mature enough at that age to do the walk herself like I was.

HelenaJustina · 02/06/2016 12:19

And surely she didn't need to be able to see 20 houses away? If the other Mum was watching as well, she only needed to be able to see up to the 10th house...

PurpleTraitor · 02/06/2016 12:21

Maybe I live in a different world or something. I regularly collect children younger than that from my garden where they appear to have wandered, lured by play equipment, and attempt to return them to some kind of adult somewhere. Often unable to find one, I post them out of the gate on the side of the least busy traffic and be done with it.

Most often the 5-6yos are supposed to be the ones 'in charge' of the 2-3yos I find in my garden, but the 5-6yos are long gone on bikes and scooters.

I think they are all supposed to have limits on where they can go, but most seem to ignore them.

I don't live on a quiet country lane, by the way. Just an ordinary street in a city. Quite normal to have random children milling around it seems. Personally, my 3 year old can play in the garden unsupervised but isn't allowed out of it and knows that. The nine year old can basically go wherever as long as I am informed where, watch is strapped on and home time is complied with. Usually only goes to friends house, park, library, shop etc.

I would have no issue watching my 5yo walk down a street ...

KatharinaRosalie · 02/06/2016 12:26

I'm not in the UK and certainly hope my DS will be capable enough for this when he's 5, as at that age, they are expected to walk to school by themselves. Schools will send you leaflets explaining why this is important for their development. Yes we have cars and dogs too.

The street OP is talking about does not sound particularly dangerous. If the kid is sensible, sounds like a reasonable course of action.

As for the suggestion to leave the other child alone - 'youngest' so must be quite a bit under 5. Try to post a thread on MN 'I left my poorly baby alone in the house while I walked my oldest to playdate, AIBU?'

JustDanceAddict · 02/06/2016 12:29

Depends how far down 20 houses is and if you can see her all the way, if there are drives. Too many factors to call tbh. 20 terraced houses with no drives - yes; 20 detached houses with garages, no. I would've been more likely to leave my younger one and run up the road and back!

SisterViktorine · 02/06/2016 12:40

how quickly could you run out if they were snatched?

It must be hard to live a normal life with this kind of paranoia.