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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say your good fortune is down to luck....

314 replies

Shallowstreams · 31/05/2016 15:47

On threads here I keep reading people saying how they've 'worked hard' and as such can pay off their entire mortgage by mid thirties or similar.

But most people work hard and that's a distant dream. It's only achievable to get and pay off a decent sized mortgage if you've had the luck in whatever shape or form to get an extremely high paying job or a very low mortgage perhaps because of family help or inheritance.

I work very hard and earn very well as does my husband yet our mortgage won't be paid off for many many years, and I'm almost 40.

It just annoys me that people seem to think they've managed to achieve this as they've worked harder than others and are not acknowledging the good fortune that has put them in this position

AIBU?

OP posts:
DryIce · 03/06/2016 16:51

I don't know why it is so important to people to have their hard work acknowledged by all, and not have a single bit diminished by any implication of luck.

The corollary is that anyone struggling has only themselves to blame for their poor decision making and laziness.

I live a very comfortable life, with a great salary and similar earning husband, nice house, family etc. While I work hard, I am under no illusions that I work any harder than many people who are not so comfortable. To bleat about my hard work and conveniently ignore the many fortunate factors that have led to my success would be churlish and ungrateful.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/06/2016 17:11

Well why is it so important to some people that others achievements be purely down to luck?

Stormtreader · 03/06/2016 17:12

Who has said it's purely luck?

Want2bSupermum · 03/06/2016 17:51

Well the OP is saying good fortune is down to luck. I disagree with that. Luck has nothing to do with it. We all have choices and problems. It's about making the most of what we have. A large component of that is working hard. Part of working hard is making good choices that work for you. There is zero point in working hard to earn a good wage and then blowing it all on expensive holidays, buying coffee at costa and eating out every week.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2016 18:17

"incomes of around 60k per year wasting money on weekly supermarket crap, coffees, takeaways"

60k is a lot of money. I don't blame them for having coffees and takeaways. I'm not sure what supermarket crap is.

Hell, I even expect someone on 15k to be able to have a coffee with a friend sometimes.

What a joyless life you expect people to lead!

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2016 18:24

"It's about making the most of what we have. A large component of that is working hard."

Well no, because as I keep saying wages are different for different jobs and most people can't get the best jobs. You'll never get rich from some jobs no matter how hard you work.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2016 18:33

"It's not luck. It's all in your hands"

It's just not though is it. Bad things can happen, and yes, you can choose how you react, but there are so many things beyond our control. I once met a girl whose whole family had been killed in a genocide.

KathyBeale · 03/06/2016 18:49

I agree about the lack of joy. I am s big believer in working hard but you absolutely have to enjoy yourself along the way. You never know what might happen. I can't imagine anyone on their deathbed looks back at their youth and says 'thank goodness I didn't waste time on discos and fun like my frivolous friends...'

Making memories is really important and as others have said, success isn't only financial or measured in bricks and mortar (and bungalows).

Gwenhwyfar · 03/06/2016 19:00

The thing is, even if I never went to Costa, I still wouldn't be able to buy a house. Even over a year it wouldn't make a huge difference. And going to Costa is cheaper than going to a pub or restaurant. It's silly to say that's the reason I don't have much money. The reason why I don't have much money is that I don't have the skills required to earn much. Working more hours wouldn't make much difference compared to someone who earns a lot per hour.

GlitterNails · 03/06/2016 19:07

I think luck has a huge part in having opportunities, or the ability to work hard.

I was 'working hard' and enjoying a career when I became disabled. Now, because of the way the condition impacts me - no matter how hard I work, I'm going to remain in poverty. This means I will never own a home, a car, go on a nice holiday.

It's taken so much from me.

Anyone who can work is lucky. Please do not take that for granted.

witsender · 03/06/2016 19:09

If it was just hard work every care worker, street cleaner and teacher, nurse etc would be rich eh. There is an element of chance, or luck in everything. If you are born with the ability to learn to do something that society values enough to pay well, and in an environment that nurtures that ability or provides sufficient opportunity...you can be wealthy. I say that as against successful because they are not always the same thing. If you innate abilities lead you towards a career that doesn't pay as well, or you have the above ability but without the correct environment or opportunities then you will not earn as well.

Chance is in everything we do...it is somewhat arrogant to assume we are responsible for all our successes. Unless we also assume full responsibility when something goes wrong, instead of feeling or saying "bad luck eh".

pollyglot · 03/06/2016 21:22

Combination of luck, background and hard work. Financial success apart, what about the kind of luck the OP perhaps took for granted - that you made it to adulthood/this far. I could have drowned at aged 7 (and nearly did), been killed by a falling cast iron bracket from scaffolding in a London street, crashed my car on the A4 when my car bonnet blew open. So merely surviving is down to chance, pure and simple. The success I have achieved in my life comes from inherited intellect combined with common sense instilled by my granny. But then, if i had, as I intended, ticked the "non-smoker" box on my online dating profile, I would not have met Mr Wonderful, a smoker then, now not. He saved my very damaged life - caused by the misfortune of a narcissistic and sociopathic mother. I am still alive owing to luck and financially moderately secure because of my hard work and effort.

FiveShelties · 03/06/2016 23:26

We were unable to have children which meant more time to concentrate on careers/business so is that good luck or bad luck? Who knows? I love the life we have but still just sometimes wonder what might have been .......

Life sometimes throws a curved ball and it is up to you how you deal with it.

user1464519881 · 04/06/2016 06:43

I don't feel the need for anyone to say I got where I am through hard work. I have that self belief (one of the things that is probably why I did well) so I don't need anyone anywhere to say well done or you worked hard. I just now the facts. Another Saturday starting work at 6am (or messing around on MN at this precise moment I suppose) which is fine........ The reason I want those who think it's all mostly down to luck to think again is because I want to help others. If you think about how those of us who did quite well got there you can ensure your own children do something similar if you want them to achieve that thing -whatever that is - an early marriage, a high paid City career, owning a home, sleeping in a yurt, lots of babies or whatever "success" is to you in your family.

Everyone on the thread agrees luck plays a part. However there are things you can do to imporve those chances. I don't go to Costa not because of money (I could easily afford it) but because I want the biggest prize the whole worldwide lottery! Being healthy and making sure my gut which controls your moods, health and all sorts to feel absolutely wonderful and that comes down to avoiding sugar and for me eating a paleo diet which makes every day feel likeChristmas. The avoidance of Costa is not to ensure you can buy a house. It's to ensure you aren't on mumsnet obesity or diabetes threads in 10 years' time.......back to my tap water....

pearlylum · 04/06/2016 07:05

Attitude, aspiration and expectation have a lot to do with things too, which can be a class issue.

I heard a powerful speech by a student at my kids' secondary school recently, she was trying to win election for house captain, comes from a very large rough council sink on the outskirts of the city.
She said " people don't expect much of us and we often don't expect much of our selves because we come from xxxx, "

That struck a chord. I grew up in that same poverty striken jungle and of the people I knew at primary school only 1 out of a class of 30 went to University. Most had low aspirations for themselves.

My SIL grew up in a rich family, went to a private school. Left without any qualifications ( despite everyone's efforts) but no matter, she got a good job in a private art gallery, then as a PA, now has a penthouse flat overlooking the river, big fancy car.
Is this luck?
There are many factors at play when it comes to success. Ethos, attitude, background, and yes luck,
I

DryIce · 04/06/2016 09:02

I do work hard. And the benefits I get from working hard are immediately apparent in my life. I still feel a lot of this is due to luck and I feel very lucky. Even my ability to work hard is good luck.

I remember my friend with MS, physically incapable of putting in the 10+ days to jump start a career.

Another friend who has struggled for years to get work that will allow him enough hours to pay his rent, let alone progress.

A woman I know whose husband left and moved countries, leaving her with 3 small kiss to support.

By all means work hard, and maximise opportunities you receive. But failing to recognise a lot of opportunities are luckily available is patronising to loads of people who can't access them

Gwenhwyfar · 04/06/2016 10:41

"Another Saturday starting work at 6am (or messing around on MN at this precise moment "

Yes, but I could work every Saturday so that I'm working 6 days a week instead of 5 and all I would be is very tired. It wouldn't make me rich. It's not just about how many hours you work, but also what you get paid per hour. Someone in a low-paying job isn't going to get rich however many hours they do.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/06/2016 10:42

"The avoidance of Costa is not to ensure you can buy a house. It's to ensure you aren't on mumsnet obesity or diabetes threads in 10 years' time."

Is a skinny hot chocolate and a cheese toastie going to give me diabetes? I hardly thought Costa was the most unhealthy place to eat. How do you do any socialising with your very restrictive diet?

user1464519881 · 04/06/2016 10:53

I just eat normal foods - fish, eggs, veg. Nothing weird about that. The fact I've never liked tea and coffee is neither here nor there. I was just making the point that I make choices which will reduce the risk I am sick later and being ill is terrible. My methods are not 100% fool proof but they do help as any doctor would say. I don't even know what skinny hot chocolate is but if it means low fat milk then surely high fat full fat milk is the healthiest? Secondly for many of us dairy products are not great. I don't have them. Chocolate is sugar = poison really. Cheese - diary again. Toastie is presumably bread - I am not into carbs. So no not a single bit of that thing is proper food. It's a junk creation to steal mnoey for people whilst damaging their health. Eating it is a choice to spend a lot of money on something that will harm you and with such choices come the results.

Indeed. One reason I chose a career in law not a career in house cleaning when I was 14 was the relative pay per hour. We all make choices and live with the results although a cleaner working 6 not 5 days a wek obviously does make more money than if she or he worked the 5 days.

albertcampionscat · 04/06/2016 10:56

John Rawls is good on this stuff.

Bolograph · 04/06/2016 11:50

Chocolate is sugar = poison

Hmm. Science not your strong point, I take it?

Whatthefoxgoingon · 04/06/2016 12:00

Hard work is just taking advantage of good luck.

Sugar is not poison!

Bolograph · 04/06/2016 12:02

And chocolate is not sugar. Other than that, bang on.

MorrisZapp · 04/06/2016 12:07

Lol at the toastie takedown.

Bolograph · 04/06/2016 12:11

One reason I chose a career in law not a career in house cleaning

Enfin je me rappelai le pis-aller d’une grande princesse à qui l’on disait que les paysans n’avaient pas de pain, et qui répondit : Qu’ils mangent de la brioche