To say your good fortune is down to luck....

[Shallowstreams]

On threads here I keep reading people saying how they've 'worked hard' and as such can pay off their entire mortgage by mid thirties or similar.

But most people work hard and that's a distant dream. It's only achievable to get and pay off a decent sized mortgage if you've had the luck in whatever shape or form to get an extremely high paying job or a very low mortgage perhaps because of family help or inheritance.

I work very hard and earn very well as does my husband yet our mortgage won't be paid off for many many years, and I'm almost 40.

It just annoys me that people seem to think they've managed to achieve this as they've worked harder than others and are not acknowledging the good fortune that has put them in this position

AIBU?

I agree with purple. I always advise young women to move for work. My husband moved hundreds of miles for my work. You have to keep moving sometimes although often it can be geographically near by to keep getting pay rises and promotions - it's being prepared to take a bit of risk too which is not comfortable for most of us. Also too many women think if they just work hard they will be noticed. Instead you have to tell people how good you are in the right kind of way - work on brand you within the company or your industry.

It's down to how hard you work at a job that is valued financially.
Therefore mums of triplets work very hard and get paid bugger all.
Top models work hard (?) and get loads of cash.

Nurses for the mentally ill - hard work, not great pay.
City lawyers and bankers - work and lots of cash all the time.

I don't think I work that hard but I have a well paid job in a area where only a few people are very competent - so I'm paid for my expertise. But I think a paramedic has a much harder job than me, I just happen to be paid more. So I'm fortunate my skillset gets paid for.

It's also judgement. We bought a four bed house and sold it at the right time, then rather than buying a bigger house we relocated back to the south west and bought a cheaper house and paid off the mortgage. Other friends have bought bigger and bigger houses and kept on their mortgage. Horses for courses.

Also too many women think if they just work hard they will be noticed. Instead you have to tell people how good you are in the right kind of way

Agree with that statement.

Men (generally) are unashamed self-publicists. In my experience (working in a very male dominated job), the women aren't as self-promoting.
Those that are, mostly tend to be put down by other women rather than their male colleagues.

There is a knack to self-promotion that stops you overstepping into arrogance though.

Has the OP been back to reply yet?

If you're still reading, I think it is a mixture of luck and hard work. I remember my granny telling me as a young teen that two things majorly influence your life, one you have no control over, the other you do: the place you are born into (both your specific family and country) and the man you choose to marry and/ or have children with.

It's hard to say too much without specific details but from your OP you say that you earn well yet won't pay off your mortgage for a long time yet. My best advice is to get yourself as clued up on personal finance as possible. That's the single best thing I've done to improve my (and subsequently family's) financial situation, as knowledge is power. I've read literally dozens and dozens of books about personal finance and it's been a real eye opener and made me realise that anyone not on the breadline has more control over their situation than they might think.

We are on track to repay our mortgage off in full in 6 years when we will be very early 40s btw. Combination of hard work and luck and being ready to spot and pounce on opportunities.

I'm still here. What books would you recommend?

I think our biggest bit of 'bad luck' was not having the deposit to buy somewhere back when property was affordable. Most of our friends that got on the housing ladder due to the help of their parents back in the early 00's now own a couple of properties whilst we're stuck with a huge mortgage that costs us £2k a month....

I think my 'luck' isn't family help or inheritance but luck at having an above average IQ, parents who instilled a work ethic in me and who valued education but didn't have the money for private school and an introverted swotty personality as a teenager.

Everyone here over 40 is hugely lucky. We were the last to just jump through the door of reasonable property prices before it slammed shut. I spent the 00's listening to my increasingly loathsome university friends bragging about how they were all going to be property millionaires. Gambling on the house price boom - that was sheer luck. Those who did; took all their money and put it on black...and guess what, against all odds it came up, and is still coming up; thanks to the Government inflating our savings away to prop the whole lot up.

If you have half a brain, or a conscience; you would not get involved....in EVERY single previous bubble it went pop; and when the music stops, the last one standing looks a bit silly. The housing market by all rights should have done...I spent that time watching idiots with no idea what risk they were running poncing around in Range Rovers, bragging about how clever they were...all the time; actually consuming their own children by taking the profits of house price inflation now so they can stuff themselves with unearned income. Who do we think would PAY for that profit? Your own children; that's who - yours and mine.

I could have; and should have jumped in; but I refused then. You do make your own luck to some extent - but the great property boom is the greatest example of luck favouring the stupid and greedy in living memory. The feeding frenzy of then is starting to be felt now - God knows what the future holds; but I think it will make the 1980's when I grew up look rosy.

"now own a couple of properties"

And there is the problem right there.....

"It's also judgement. We bought a four bed house"

So you had enough money to buy a four bedroom house before you could make the judgement.

"
They choose to spend their money on luxuries and borrowed when needed, their choice and they have enjoyed it, but its unfair to say we are lucky. In some cases it was all down to choices and planning ahead."

Weall, it's not unfair to say you're lucky. You had the money in the first place to be able to choose what to do with it.

Vlad I agree that being 40+ made it one hell of a lot easier to make a 'good' choice. My first house in the SE required a 5k deposit. Easy saving then. That house would need a 25k deposit now.

My my there are some goady fuckers on mumsnet. I thought I was good at it. Well done User146... for keeping people responding to you for so long.

The simple answer is there is no simple answer to success. Certain factors play a part but in varying proportions. Pick up ten different "How I made it" books and you will find 10 different answers. They will all tell you how THAT person made it, not how you can make it.

A lot of things will help: being born outside of poverty means you are more likely to succeed. Doesn't mean you can't just that the odds are against you.

Being hard-working will help, but again it is possible to be bone idle but gifted - the gallaghers used to often comment on how little practice they did as kids, but they did alright.

The right attitude for the opportunities that do present. This is not just about a list of fine sounding words you should have in your attitude. Sometimes it can be "ah, fuck it, why not" that gets you there.

Aspirations - actually knowing what success looks like for you and trying to get there. Unfortunately again to do with poverty / class - if you have been told your entire life you are not the "sort" that makes it, it is hard to pick yourself out of that.

If avoiding fun and friends distractions and food types works for User146.. then brilliant. If your measure of success is working Saturday morning at 6am then great.

Me personally, I was dragged up on a council estate by a dad who worked in the grey economy and a mam who was a cleaning lady. I don't work particularly hard (in fact actively avoid it). I can do a couple of things which I consider really basic very, very well. I have rarely turned down an opportunity (my attitude has been, ah well, why not). I am the first to run away from working over time. I don't practice what I do. Yet I live in a fucking big house with a massive salary, a beautiful wife and 3 gorgeous children. I don't attribute it to luck, and I don't attribute it to hard work either. It just is.

But I am the exception. If you are underclass or working class, prepare to buckle yourself in for being rogered by society - unless we do something to change society.

I think inspiring women and helpping them get on at work and be noticed rather than just ignored by male bosses is a terribly helpful, morally good thing to do to other women. It is not my sitting here saying if you picked low paid work of got cancer it's all your own fault. Of course it isn't. I've repeatedly said luck plays its part. And on property we sold our last house at a loss in the 1990s property crash (yet it happend and yes it was awful) and I am probably one of the only people in London who has owned a property for 30 years and has no equity gains in it just equity from earned income taxed at huge rates because I had to give my husband (lower earner) most of the equity on our divorce.

People are right that in London (not elsewhere - I am from the NE where often house prices have not risen much at all over many a period by the way) it is very hard currently to get a deposit together for a £300k first flat for a couple. My advice always remains buy before you have children and whilst you have two full time salaries and keep both those salaries going and never go part time and don't take long maternity leaves as you can't afford it or most of us can't. Buy as early as you can. However even with two professional salaries which we had back in the 80s it is very hard and I don't remember its being particularly easy then - we live in zone 5 because then and now we couldn't afford to live any closer into London.

So with your partner and before you have babies and with two full time salaries buy that £300k place as soon as you can within the M25 (if you are in Leeds say it is all a lot different). If you can get a place with a 5% mortgage you will need £7500 each. So the big if is can you get a 95% mortgage. Probably people without children and in professional jobs where they both work full time from age 21 - 26 can save £7500 but there is also your £5k stamp duty to find too.We tax people to the hilt in the UK. Not easy.