AIBU to think this Supermarket is judging my parenting?

[Doingmybestmum]

AIBU? Standing in a queue in Tesco with (home from uni) DD chatting to me. I was clutching a much anticipated bottle of Pimms, with accompanying lemonade, strawberries, mint etc... goodies going through when charmless checkoutee asks for age of said 21 year old DD and ID for her or she would not be able to sell me the Pimms. I calmly explained that I (substantially over 21) am buying said alcoholic beverage with my money and a) DD is only standing next to me b) its my money c) DD is over 21 and d) what on earth... the manager was called and I was allowed to purchase. AIBU to think that this is ridiculous - I understand that adults must not buy alcohol for underage children, but if you were - would it be Pimms, and would you have the "child" standing next to you?

And in the cases of all those who do just look young why not just get ID in the first place.

there are usually signs in the doors. the policies aren't news. everyone's been aware if it fir quite some time now.

and just because Anna at til number 3 recognises you and serves you no problem dont assume you can go to the branch near your sisters and expect trainee Matthew to not ID you.

A few weeks ago I was buying some cheap chocolate household goods in B&M and I had 19yo DD with me. On the way to the checkout I noticed they had DH's favourite real ale in so I put a bottle in my basket. When I got to the checkout DD helped me unload the basket onto the belt. When we came to be served the girl on the checkout asked for DD's ID. I did the same as you OP and explained that the ale was for me and I was paying for it - DD doesn't drink alcohol because she has a health condition which doesn't allow it. The girl said that as DD put some of the items on the belt it was 'obvious' that the ale was for her and she called her manager. She came over and declared really loudly in front of a long queue that I was committing an offence by attempting to buy alcohol (one 330ml bottle of old man ale, don't forget) for a child and she would call the police if I didn't either show DD's ID or leave the premises. We left, DD in embarrassed tears, as she shouted after us not to come back. Yeah, don't worry, we won't

I understand the position supermarket staff are in but surely some commonsense wouldn't go amiss? And being shouted at and made to feel like a criminal for attempting to buy a small bottle of beer is way out of order.

Btw I've never, ever had this problem anywhere else - I always had DD with me when I did the big supermarket shop when she was younger and there were never any questions.

And in the cases of all those who do just look young why not just get ID in the first place.

The problem being discussed is 40 year old parent with ID (or no need for ID) being refused service because they have someone who is deemed underage with them. In the precise case the OP outlines the accompanying person was over 18, but suppose they are 17 and 11 months, with ID to prove it. The claim is that shops can, and indeed should, refuse to sell. Getting more ID won't help.

alcohol is obviously going to be fir the parents when the kids are really small.

it does get tricky when kids are teenagers though.

obviously supermarkets feel that way too given people go suddenly from.being able to, to not.

considering many lids start drinking from about 15 onwards. and we all did it. 16 was about the age I was sneaking into pubs.

so I can absolutely see why the thought process goes to "hang on a minute..."

I'm. able to buy booze witg my two. but I'm. expecting around secondary age to start getting the problems

also gets tricky when the kids start having jobs and perhaps paying fir some.of the shopping.

Tesco asked me for ID to purchase a pair of nail scissors ... I was on my own and I'm 52!!

I think the point of the law regarding alcohol is that it is illegal to purchase alcohol for a minor.

Regarding drinking at home - it's a strange loophole because nothing says that drinking before 18 is illegal - the statute just says that it's an offence for under 5s to be allowed to drink alcohol.

So everything between 5 and 18 is unlegislated, meaning that anyone between those ages can drink at home without it being illegal, but can't attempt to purchase alcohol.

There is a point at which there is an assumption that the adult is buying the alcohol for the accompanying minor - usually from the age of about 14. Younger DC seem not to be an issue.

DD is 10 years younger than her eldest brother. They dropped into Sainsburys on the way back from somewhere to pick up some shopping for me. I wanted a bottle of white wine (plus all the other items for dinner and various other bits) and the cashier refused to sell it to DS (26) because DD was with him. It hadn't occurred to either of them that it would be a problem. If DD had sat in the car it would have been fine.

Quite a few comments about waitrose not IDing - I was there helping my mum do a shop for a roast dinner. As we got near the end I offered to buy the wine for her as a gift. Was asked to show ID (I was 27, haven't been asked since I was about 15!), didn't have any and they refused to let my mum buy it, even though it had been on her belt originally! I had to go home to get ID, came back and the had the cheek to not even check it. I made the man look at it as if made the effort... I know they have a job to do and I wouldn't actually mind but they were so rude about it.

Surely though some of that gin is for the gripe water, and the brandy for the bedtime bottle?

So it wasn't the law, then, was it, but some crap they made up and presumably abandoned because the "you put the conveyer belt of shopping away, I'll go someone else" rate got too high.

I fully support this.
It will not always be the fault of the cashier (though it won't always not be, as seen in some examples above) but if a company has a policy which is not legally required, and causes problems to us as customers then peaceful protest is completely reasonable.
Its not right to abuse/threaten etc the cashier, but allowing the unwanted policy to provide unwanted extra labour for the company pushing the policy is totally right.

I don't often buy alcohol, but the first time I am prevented from doing so because my DC is with me will be the first time I empty my bags back onto the till area and leave.

hiding I missed the poster you quoted but that is a brilliant response, imagine if all their customers did that? I reckon management would end up being less stringent, And less draconian to their checkout staff!!

Thinking back to when dd was a teen and used to accompany me to Sainsbury's, I was never id'd and neither was she. This was despite the fact that I'd be buying Wkd and other vile things, which was clearly for her, as well as my wine. She'd have been about 16/17 and I used to get her a couple of bottles for the weekend - to be drunk in the house.

Challenge 25 (or Challenge 30, as one local shop does) is bloody ridiculous anyway. I fully understand that some 17 year olds can look 24 or whatever, but again, why isn't there some commonsense applied when judging? For example, 33yo DH was ID'd in Aldi last week. Of course he had none, he was popping to the nearest shop for a bottle of wine and he hasn't been ID'd in a decade or more. He asked the cashier if she thought, in all honesty, whether he looked 17. She of course said no. He pointed out that the legal age to buy alcohol is 18, so if he looked anything older than 17, surely he should be served. She said you had to look 25 to buy alcohol, not 18. Do you see how ridiculous that is?!

Meanwhile the same assistant let DD through without being ID'd when she was just 18 and buying vodka for a friend's birthday. No way did she look older than DH. Ridiculous.

I was in morrisons a couple of years ago with my two kids. I bought beer and wine.The girl on the checkout asked if I was going to give it to the children!
"Yes" I said. " he's having it on his cornflakes, and she's going to dip her biscuits in it!"
The kids were 11 & 6 at the time!

Before xmas, I took my 23 yr old daughters partner to Asda to get a few bits. He had some painkillers along with food items, some cleaning products and a pack of cheap razors. Everything got scanned until the cashier came to the pills. She asked for ID which he did not bring. I suppose he didnt think it would be needed as no alcohol was to be bought. After a brief disagreement, my sil said' so how come I can buy razors but not paracetamol?' The cashier then changed her mind and said we couldn't have the razors either! I thought she was joking, but she actually wanted us to get them back out of the bag and give them back! We ended up calling the manager, who let us have all the items without the id as it was pretty obvious we were not children. I think the cashier had some sort of power trip going on!

I don't often buy alcohol, but the first time I am prevented from doing so because my DC is with me will be the first time I empty my bags back onto the till area and leave.

That sounds very reasonable. It will get back to management and then they can hopefully put some pressure higher up.

Just show some ID. I'm not sure why this necessitates all the hand wringing.

NeedaCleverNN I just remembered the whole thing (this was years ago). It's pretty convoluted but basically:

1. my partner, who is older than me, went ahead of me and bought his Guinness (we paid separately as we were only just seeing each other). We chatted as we waited.
2. I went after him and the checkout lady asked if we were together - we said yes. She said that as he bought Guinness, I needed to show ID. I was like 'but i'm buying soup and he's a different person to me'. But no, she would not let me pass.

Nuts.

I think all of the supermarkets have the 'Challenge 25' law, all the checkout assistant was doing was their job. It really isn't a big deal.

themightyfoof sorry old man ale? Nice generalisation. I drink tons of the stuff have done since underage (im only early twenties now - it's making one helluva comeback doncha know!

As an aside, if a shop assistant ID'd you for buying WKD and not ale, she WOULD be making a personal judgement, which is exactly what had got OP so het up initially.

Also lets not forget than in a pub, club, restaurant or off license the staff can refuse service to anyone, at any time, and do not have to give a reason .
And that is law

YABU, the girl was doing her job. Checkout operators can get in serious trouble if they sell to underage kids so it is safe to be sorry. I can say op, that what the customer thought of me never crossed my mind when I was checking id, I didn't care. I was doing my job, I wasn't going to risk it and the arsey customers just made me grin inwardly. I didn't give a stuff about their words or abuse - their opinion of me didn't matter

It is a big deal notamummy because the way the supermarkets police this is ridiculous.

I was not allowed to buy wine in my late 30s because I didn't have photo ID (I had left my driving licence in my work bag because I had used it as ID to enter a secure site).

They were happy I was over 18 - I was buying wine as part of a full shop and paying with a credit card and I might have looked under 25 in a dimly lit room but there was no way I looked under 18 but they weren't sure I was over 25.

No law was being broken and no one was going to get fined or lose their jobs but because I could not prove I was over 25 they wouldn't sell me the wine so I left everything on the belt and stormed out.

People with teen DCs have been refused service because 'it might be for them'. It is perfectly legal for parents to give their DCs over 5 alcohol in their own homes, so again no laws are being broken. I've read about cases where a parent with disabilities/mobility issues has been refused alcohol because their strong capable able bodied DCs scanned the heavy alcohol for them. How does the teen touching the alcohol equate them drinking it in the park out of parental supervision?

If a parent with a teen 'might' be buying the alcohol for the teen rather than themselves, then by that logic a person in their 30/40/50s on their own 'might' be buying alcohol for a teen DC that they 'might' have hidden out of view so they can buy alcohol for them without the checkout person making assumptions about who it is for, because a significant proportion of people in that age bracket have teen DCs.