Aibu to think this is not dinner?

[NotSoYumMum01]

Dd seems to think two vegetable spring rolls is an acceptable dinner after only eating half a slice of pizza all day. Please tell me this is not a meal. Must be another teenage eating habit.

The cooking and not eating is part of disordered eating it sounds like the poor girl has gone through a lot it is such a shame she might not be ready for. Therapy opening up is hard I think you need to take her back to the GP and ask for a referral again to a ED specialist or something

not enough food for an active teenager- you should talk to her about your observations

God sake just read your last post what a mess its not fair she isn't getting the help she needs

This is important. The eating disorder can't be treated in isolation from the abuse. This is probably tmi but one of the reasons for eating disorders in abused children is that it's a way of staving off puberty. Puberty and all the stuff that comes with it is just too much to bear. This is what is was like for me-and the baggy hoodies and so on makes me think it might be like that for her.

I will try another GP. Every refferal scho have made have not worked out and social workers keep changing which doesn't help as dd finds it very hard to trust . They seem to brush it off and say it's normal after what she's gone through. If gp is useless then I will have to go private again.

I'd watch her habits pretty closely. It doesn't take long for this to become an eating disorder. To be honest I dismissed that sort of habit as just a teenage thing and we ended up with the diagnosis of an eating disorder. Not saying you will go there but keep an eye on it for sure.

Thank you unweavedrainbow I understand that this is her way of coping with the abuse but don't agree with gp saying its normal.

I have told her that with the amount she's eating it's not safe for her to dance 14 hours a week or go horse riding for hours. No wonder she's been complaining of dizziness when doing physical training at cadets . This caused more tears and she started shouting out things like 'mum you don't understand' and 'you're not the one that was abused for years' . Feel so shit now . Wish I helped her sooner and saved her from the years of abuse

If you're not getting the help you need go private. We went private for a short time until the NHS got organized and although it cost us it helped get to the problems sooner and stop the eating problem from being bad to worse. With EDs they escalate or lose weight very quickly and get very poorly. You want her in as best shape as you can so you can continue to work through her other issues. The other issues need dealing with. Try and prevent and ED getting in there (as it exaggerates all the emotions and problems to another level) and it only makes it all worse. Try and get onto it ASAP and don't wait for the GP to decide when you need help. Sounds like her other issues are driving an ED and you really don't want that. Sorry. All the best.

Say to her she is right you don't understand but you are here to help your poor DD and family

Try the website www.aroundthedinnertable.org/ for some advice from people in the same situation. It's scary but you are doing the right thing by getting it sorted asap and not living in denial.

I second pushing for another CAMHS referral as SH and suicide attempts are at the severe end of the scale. Make sure your GP let's them know how serious it is.

You can do this

Does she snack on chocolate and other crap? I did at her age and often skipped meals.

Thank you everyone and I will have a look at all the websites that have been mentioned. I will try new GP tomorrow and if no luck then we will go to a private clinic.

The school have been great but feel like they're not being listened to by outside agencies and I don't feel like we are either . Self harming,abuse,her father passing away and her having to deal with me battling cancer and bullying but CAMHS still couldn't help,even with suicide attempts. I doubt this eating issue will make a difference but i guess if I don't try then I won't know.

She doesn't snack . Doesn't eat chocolate,crisps or cake

It does sound like she has an eating disorder I'm afraid.

So sorry for her and you too

I'm so sorry for both of you. You've really been through the mill.

It's definitely a good idea to try to get more help. I hope your new gp is good. I can't believe (well I can, but I'm still appalled) that other agencies have done so little to help you all.

OP, change your GP. I admit I have been very lucky with mine, utterly fantastic and supportive. If you don't have that as "base" support, you're going to struggle. Speak to other parents, ask for local recommendations. If you are on Facebook, ask on your local community page. Push for another CAMHS referral. I haven't seen on your thread, but are you aware you can self refer to a local Educational Psychologist? I have done this myself, although not for DD, but for my ASD DS. Again, an amazing source of support and knowledge with regard to resources. Via this you could request a CAF (Child Assessment Framework) which the school can organise. This almost "forces" the involvement of other agencies and they are (sort of) held to account via this process. Could you speak to the school about this? I am really only passing on the benefit of my experience but appreciate you need the cooperation of everybody else. I feel so sorry for you and DD (I mean that kindly). The other thing I would say is that in some ways, you are relying on DD wanting and accepting help...that took a long time for us. It really is a case of baby steps. So so hard to do.

www.b-eat.co.uk/

Op have a look at the above charity link, they are the biggest and well respected charity dealing with this kind of issue.

You are right this is about control, some self punishment and another type of self harm.

Did you dd have CBT Or talking/psychoanalytic therapy do you know? Your right you can't force her go to or open up in therapy, but a good therapist if she actually turns up every week, is able to deal with this.

Can I just say please don't jump straight to a clinic, there's a lot of really good integrative experienced therapists out there, go to the BACP website and look up their register of counsellors.

Also Google counselling directory and you will find loads in your area with a full profile and breakdown of experience.

Good luck

formidable wow,thank you for all that information. I wasn't aware of CAF or self refferal to and educational psychologist. I will arrange this after half term. You're right,if I wait for her to accept help then we would be waiting a while.

She had cbt both times. I will have a look at different counsellors in the area,obviously don't want to pay and spend time on someone that can't help her.

I am not convinced the educational psych could help. I think you need a specialist to deal with abuse, ED etc. unless your dd is being severely affected by learning problems and behavior that escalated from that I can't see an Ed Psych bring much help. They may have a suggestion of where to head to next, and that may help you :)

Thank you. Perhaps the EP could help with things that she find hard in class . She often walks out when things become to loud or when a teacher raises their voice. She also breaks down when other pupils talk about relationships or if someone is too close or touching her. Her teachers have been working on this but only a handful know the reason why so stuff like personal space and teachers putting their arm around her when she's upset is still an issue.

The CBT was not appropriate for any of her issues, it's the equivalent of putting a sticking plaster over The Grand Canyon, the NHS use it because it's cheap and quick.

Your dd needs a decent integrative therapist who has lots of skills in their armoury, but the main one she needs is talking and lots of listening on the part of the therapist.

You need to get to the source or the start of the issues, and like an onion peel back the layers, this will be hard and she will be upset probably quite a bit, but it's part of the process and unavoidable, a good therapist will also be able to support her through the whole time.

A youngster with these sorts of issues takes time, so please make sure the funds are available to cover the cost, having to stop therapy at a crucial time would be a disaster.

I didn't know that. When she was having treatment at maudsley,we were told CBT is used to treat severe PTSD and that it would help change the way she thinks.

She said to me this morning as I was making breakfast that's she wants more help but she's scared . She hated the CBT and flaking about things but I've told her that even though talking about things brings back the memories and makes the fresh again ,step by step she will get better.

Helped cook up the breakfast but she hasn't touched it. Siting at the table playing with it.