Aibu to think this is not dinner?

[NotSoYumMum01]

Dd seems to think two vegetable spring rolls is an acceptable dinner after only eating half a slice of pizza all day. Please tell me this is not a meal. Must be another teenage eating habit.

Eating disorders are part of the whole pantheon of serious trauma and ptsd. People can suffer from impulsive behaviours, mood swings, difficulties in completing basic self care like washing and eating, eating disorders, self harm and suicidal ideation, personality instability and dissociation bad enough to cause memory blackouts all stemming from trauma. Is she still getting psychological support?

I'd see another doctor. Even go private if necessary.
It's not enough by a long way and I'm speaking as someone who has never eaten loads and been very skinny.
It may not be severe in terms of weight YET, but it will at this rate, and then I'm sure it will be so much harder.

I should of said more on my original post but really started to believe it was just a teenage thing until I there's started suggesting things. She hates talking so for her to even go through two courses of counselling was an achievement but I really think she needs more . Just wish she would talk at the sessions

I'm a lunch person. If I'm going to eat a big meal it'll be at lunch time, I don't like a heavy meal in the evening - could go for 2 spring rolls though

No I do not think that's normal, as you've said it's not a one off and she eats very small amounts.

I'd be concerned.

I really hope I'm not projecting too much, but talking in therapy sessions is hard. Saying things out loud makes them real and that's scary, combined with fear of judgement and the self hate and flashbacks that you get from the abuse and it can just be too much to cope with. I'm 26 and only just having my first really productive therapy now.

It's astonishing that CAMHS have declared her case insufficiently serious to take on , given that she's attempted suicide twice.

From your initial post it was impossible to tell whether your daughter's eating was part of normal teenage habits. Subsequent posts indicate that she's probably in need of more help than she's currently able to access.

What does her twin say - does he have any insight into how she's feeling? Is it worth looking into counselling by email (I am guessing this must be offered now) - maybe typing rather than talking would take the pressure off? Would she talk to you in the car - I find this helpful with a family member who finds it hard to talk. Removing the eye contact seems to help.

Your doctor clearly has no clue, of course it's not normal not to eat for 2 days. I would change your GP. Either to another within the same practice, preferably a woman, or to a different practice.

You need a decent GP you can rely on.

There was a report on the news last week that CAHMS are rejecting a large proportion of referrals for not being serious enough even if the referrals involved suicide attempts, even psychosis .

I was anorexic OP(actively)from the age of 7-16 it's not normal what your daughter is eating you need to get your Daughter some help.

Is she going to the toilet as soon as she's eaten and durein the meal as well?That's what I used to do.If my parents were really going on at me to eat I'd put some food in my mouth I'd chew it up stick some more in and chew that up and then I'd go to the bathroom and spit it down the toilet.
Then at the end of the meal I'd go and make myself be sick.

I've asked her why she only managed to eat half a spring roll and she burst into tears.

For me OP it was all jumbled up some of it was about having some control in my life which upto they're point was something I'd never had some of it was I didn't think I should eat,like I didn't think I deserved to eat it was like a form of self harm.It is bloody hard and it is soul destroying when your the one going through it.

I don't want to scare you I just thought it might help to know what it can feel like when your the one suffering with it.I hope you can both find some good help out there

Oh bless her,your poor little girl (((HUGS))) for your DD and you as her Mum.Being a parent myself now I know how I'd feel if it was one of my DC.

She's always like that. sometimes goes 2 days without eating. Always have a say in what's for dinner and helps to cook but doesn't eat it. She'd much rather have spring rolls or half a bagel with no butter or anything on it.

I'm sorry, but that's not normal. The cooking for other thing and the need to controle food sounds quite ed-ish to me. Maybe talk to a doctor instead of family?

Have you got health insurance? If not can you get some asap?

NHS mental health services are so strapped... you have to be really seriously unwell to qualify... ED coverage is patchy...

It would really help if you had access to private clinics like the Priory and others, which are good for EDs.

She only goes to the toilet after the meal. Talking I the car isn't something she likes as she feels trapped and in the past she hasn't been able to escape her abuser whilst in the car.

She has had private therapy and I did bring up eating but it wasn't as big as an issue as it is ow. Therapist said it's probably one of her ways of making her look different because she is scared of things happening again.She won't wear dresses or skirts and sticks to baggy clothes unless she's going out then it's jeans/leggings and a baggy hoodie .

I'm not sure that's a healthy or sufficient dinner and neither was the pizza the day before.

It sounds like your DD is a lazy eater and looking for the easy way out food wise.

noton dinner is always there for her everyday and she cooks a lot. She makes full roast dinners,home made pasta and sauces,bread,baked cakes,lasagne so I don't think it's laziness . She doesn't eat what she cooks.

Doesn't sound normal to me tbh, is she thin?

I was a skinny teenager but ate loads more than that!

Firstly, I haven't read the full thread but skimmed but I have been in this situation and it is a huge cause for concern. She sounds exactly like my DD, we went through this for several years from around 13-15. The problem turned out to be my now ex-husband and bullying at school. She developed an eating disorder and it became a form of control for her. We also had a referral to CAMHS who were fantastic. We are now out of the woods. She is a healthy, happy 18 year old, still very thin, but confident, beautiful and doing very well in all aspects of her life. I hope that offers you some comfort. I know how frightening this is. Keep on with your GP, change if you have to. If you have a family welfare officer at school, use them. Also, don't force her to talk after counselling...I did that, big mistake. I found out most of the things I didn't really want to hear from the psychologist report. I kept my door open as it were, I kept everything as calm as I could and let her deal with things in her own way. It's not been easy, but we did get there eventually. I am so sorry you're going through this, it's the hardest thing in the world watching your child suffer and feeling so powerless. Wishing you everything good OP

She is thin. She's a competitive Irish dancer and horse rider and it's a lot of physical activity to do on very little food.

Formidable so glad you're daughter is doing better. It's so reassuring to know we're not the only ones. Some stuff I've read on her reports from counselling,I wish I really didn't read. School are fed up that other outside agencies are not helping and social worker is useless. It's her 4th social worker in 3 months and it's changing again!