Aibu to think this is not dinner?

[NotSoYumMum01]

Dd seems to think two vegetable spring rolls is an acceptable dinner after only eating half a slice of pizza all day. Please tell me this is not a meal. Must be another teenage eating habit.

I'd be concerned.

She has had issues in the past from going through some traumatic experiences and I really want to be there to support her because I wasn't the best . Control at the time was a big thing for her and she if a self harmer so I wonder if eating is another way she seeks control .

I'm sorry, but if she's eating that little and it sounds like she might be making herself sick after meals, then she could well have an eating disorder.

Does she look as though she's lost weight? Or wear baggy clothes to hide her shape?

Oh NotSo I was going to say that teenagers can sometimes have funny eating habits, but this does seem to be quite concerning. If your Dr is no help is there a school/college councillor who can help?

If you feel you lack control in your life, then food is definitely something you can control.

Have a look at this website. I've heard good things about it.
www.b-eat.co.uk

It's what I used to do as a teenager.
And I had anorexia.

I see she's cooking but not eating, that's a big being in control thing, big red flag.
Watch her, but don't comment on her eating. Anything you say she'll take the wrong way.
Sorry to hear your doctor's useless, can you try and speak to another one?

The more info you have posted, then yes I would be very concerned - again I'm not qualified to call "eating dis-order" but I think you should consider strongly that possibility.

Perhaps you can go to your GP and get a referral to a specialist? Or as a PP said speak to pastoral services at the school.

Other posters will be better placed to suggest ways forward, but what I personally wouldn't do is rush into "dealing" with the situation without the appropriate diagnosis and professional support or there's a risk you could make the problem (if there is one) worse.

OP the additional info that she self harms is a worry. Not the same as a happy healthy teen who just doesn't eat much.

Gp and school referred her to Camhs a couple weeks back because of what she had been through and because of self harming but we were told her case wasn't servers enough for an assessment. She speaks to the school nurse ,school cpo and a teacher who acts as her mentor as well as her head of year. We've just finsined private therapy and treatment for ptsd at Maudsley.

At meal outs she will only have water and sale and just pick at it or fruit.

What's her BMI?

I'm not sure about her bmi but the school nurse said last week that she is 5ft 2 and 6 1/2 stone. She has refused more counselling refferals and apparently unless she wants help then the refferal will be pointless. She refuses to talk at therapy sessions .

At 5ft 2 and 6 1/2 stone she's not dangerously underweight. Intervention now may stop the slide, but how you get her to engage is the problem. How did her therapy at Maudsley go? Do they think she's anorexic?

She's not dangerously underweight but according to the NHS BMI calculator she's on the 5th percentile for weight and very close to the bottom of the normal range. I don't think you've given her age but I assumed 15. I do think this needs watching. Sorry your GP is so unhelpful. Could you see another doctor at the practice?

She sounds an awful lot like me at that age, even down to the 6 stone at 5'2". I was severely anorexic. I had been through traumatic experiences as a child (in my case I was abused) and was a significant self harmer. I got very little help as a teenager till I was hospitalised after my first suicide attempt and they realised I was seriously underweight. Now I'm an adult with multiple serious MH diagnoses and a lot of adult mental health team involvement. Please get her some help.

She isnt eating enough its not normal to eat 3 bits of pasta today she seemed to eat a bit more but its not a teen thing although i wouldnt force the issue

Sorry posted to soon i would tell her she isnt eating enough offer little and often if she doesnt want big dinners

That sounds very worrying to me - lots of red flags there, including cooking dinner but not eating. 3 pieces of pasta just isn't enough to survive on.

I'd talk to her school or see another doctor. Control issues + self harming = more likely to develop an ED, I'm afraid.

I had an eating disorder as a teenager. They are horribly difficult to talk about or to understand as an outsider - your instinct will be to want to help her get better, but her sense of wanting to control could make her become more deceitful with what she is or isn't eating. That's if it's an eating disorder, which it didn't sound like from your OP but does sound more like it with your subsequent posts. The B-eat website above is good - essentially it'll be helpful for you to gather information so that you understand more how she's (or might be) feeling. GPs are often not at all versed in these issues - as they aren't in alcoholism either (went through that too).

For now I wouldn't comment too much on your DD's eating - or act overly concerned - just let her know that you're there for her and keep an eye on her.

I would be very concerned. She needs professional help sooner rather than later.

OK, with your updates that does sound concerning. I don't have anything to add to the advice you have had already, though.

Thank you , really sorry to everyone who's had to go through this. It's hard enough watching my daughter like this so can't imagine what it's like to go through it. unweavedrainbow she's self harming and has attempted sucide twice but never been hospitalised . She has also been abused whilst living away from me . Sorry you had to go through that.

She's 14