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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I should have met his daughter by now?

116 replies

Pritchyx · 30/05/2016 16:02

Have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, he has a 6yo daughter from a previous relationship which ended 4 years ago... His last 2 girlfriends had met her by this point also - something he accidentally let slip when drunk the other week.
He has already met my 3yo daughter which he did a couple of months ago.. He asked to meet her, and I have no qualms with that. My daughters dad has no issues with it either - I'm always upfront about it with him, to make him aware.. As he is with me.

However, bit peeved with the boyfriend as was under the impression that I'd be going to his families barbecue today. He stayed last night and left this morning at 8 to go the office, so I asked what time I should get to his for... Only to be responded with "you can't come now, because B is coming." Meaning his ex-w will no doubt be there and she's made it clear to him that she doesn't like me despite never speaking nor meeting me.

Aibu to think I should've met his daughter by now? Or do you think there's more to it? Ive tried to entertain the subject, but either ends with him ignoring what I've said, or him changing the subject.. So not sure what to do now..

OP posts:

2rebecca · 01/06/2016 19:25

I don't see why people think the OP shouldn't be introduced just because she's not the first girlfriend her boyfriend has had since he separated. She's a significant friend of the child's father and to me it seems odd for her not to be introduced.
I think non resident parents get a much harder time than resident ones re new partners. If the child's mother wanted to introduce a new boyfriend she'd just do it, she can't be blackmailed with the possibility of not seeing her daughter.
I think it's sad when exes try to police each other's relationships. It's not 2 weeks it's 6 months.

howtodowills · 01/06/2016 19:39

OP - does your DP have any other issues with his ex and DD? Does she generally try and order him about when it comes to what happens with DD?

If so then I think it's worth having a bigger conversation with him about it... He might not realise he's being so controlled and walked over. My DP used to be "anything for an easy life" with ex and I lost loads of respect for him and now he sticks up for us and himself much more. She didn't like it to begin with but now she is MUCH more reasonable as she's realised she has someone who will stand up to her and her stupidity.

I think it's always worth bearing in my "the other parents" views etc but you don't have to live your life according to what they want. I feel for you.

Communication is key here. And working out what you are happy with re: meeting his DD. Then at least you have a basis for discussion.

2rebecca · 01/06/2016 22:23

The strangest bit is his two previous girlfriends having met his daughter before he'd gone out with them for 6 months yet he's hanging back with you. That suggests it isn't his ex who's the problem as usually you get more relaxed about this stuff the longer you've been divorced.
If you're otherwise happy with him then I'd give it more time but be wary of your daughter getting too attached to him if he doesn't seem as committed as you.

howtodowills · 02/06/2016 06:30

Yes, unless the ex has said "no more introductions till you've been together for Xyrs" like another ex w unthread has said to her ex h.

i think he's committed to the OP but doesn't want to fall out with his ex... Sounds like he needs to manage the ex regardless of whether he introduces the DD at this stage

Original poster

Pritchyx · 02/06/2016 15:01

Well I don't think I'd be needing this post anymore...

He came over knowing my daughter is with her dad today, and I'd been throwing up all night after a dodgy meal last night. He then had a go because I was still in bed and my bedroom was a mess. I wasn't in the mood to even argue. Basically ended up in a full blown row about how I'm "lazy" and I don't do anything all day and we never go out anywhere (bullshit). I've been up since 4am being sick, and just because I have a pile of washing and a bin that needs emptying in my bedroom? Hmm... Yet I'm the daft sod who went and looked after him the other week and cleaned his house whilst he was throwing up. Thanks mate.
So basically, end result was me telling him to F off and storming downstairs... He then followed but out the front door.

He has phoned, and said he wants to think about things...

Best timing ever - less than 24hrs before the funeral. Selfish and inconsiderate fuck.

Thanks for all your advice anyway! X

OP posts:

howtodowills · 02/06/2016 19:52

you poor thing. Not what you need when you're feeling poorly.

Give him space, loads of space, loads and loads of space, so much space you're not there. Tbh with a controlling ex on the scene you're probably better off without him. And you deserve a man who will go out and buy your soup when you're feeling poorly.

HappyNevertheless · 02/06/2016 19:58

That was a very crap timing indeed....
((Hugs))

DumbDailyMail · 02/06/2016 20:15

At least he has shown you what he is really like before you commit any more time to him. You are 20 and have only been going out with him for six months. You don't need this crap. If he is like this while you are still newly dating then imagine what he might be like later on It's time to be practical and use your brain - what's best for you and your DD?

I hope tomorrow goes ok.

MangoMoon · 02/06/2016 22:23

Maybe you've been lucky enough to see quite early on the reason why he has a string of failed relationships.

You're better off out if it if he's being a knob already

Original poster

Pritchyx · 03/06/2016 14:36

Funeral went really well, beautiful service. V emotional right now.. Not heard a peep from him. Disappointed more than anything that he hasn't even bothered to text to say "hope it goes ok" or to see how I am. But if that's the way he wants to be then screw him. I clearly deserve way better.

OP posts:

DumbDailyMail · 03/06/2016 15:11

He is making it easy for you to decide what to do.

princessmi12 · 03/06/2016 16:06

Look at him OP,you going through really bad time and his support lasted only few days,then he started getting annoyed with consequences of you feeling down"lazy" and I don't do anything all day and we never go out anywhere
I thought he wasn't serious about you from your original post due to not making effort to introduce you to his child,but decided to read through all 112 messages before commenting. We, women tend to overthink and make excuses,men tend to do and say what they mean. If he didn't make effort to introduce you to child its because he didn't want to.Full stop. Its unhelpful to think otherwise. Some comments were really amazing though(not meeting DP' dcs for a year,3 years and even longer).
Don't open your heart to someone and don't introduce your child until THE PARTNER done same.
Just go with the pace ,don't set the pace.
Hope everything will work out for the best for you and your DC.

MeMySonAndl · 03/06/2016 23:58

Good grief princess, do you really think the OP needs to hear that when she is already feeling bad about the whole situation and just back from her mum's funeral?

Original poster

Pritchyx · 04/06/2016 08:45

He's made it very easy for me to just walk away. Plenty of things I'd love to just scream at him but he isn't worth it - and I see it now. Just wish I'd of seen it earlier. However a lot of you that have posted did make me stop and think prior to this happening...

I'm ok, V upset and emotional right now. Can't deal with much. Had to phone into work and tell them I won't be back like I thought I would be and got a barrage of grief off my boss... Because I've now left my team "exposed" (we work in a call centre, I doubt it'll be busy as it's a Saturday and it's the motor trade... So a couple of calls missed ain't gonna be a huge issue) and then my boss said I should've phoned yesterday to tell her I won't be in... I thought I was fine up until I got home late last night and was completely alone. Hit me like a tonne of bricks this morning...

As for him, he can f right off. i am done with him, especially if he doesn't even have the decency to ask how I am. So there is no going back... Even people I strongly dislike have messaged me asking how I am and that they're sorry for my loss.

It is what it is. I had a lucky escape by all means

OP posts:

HappyNevertheless · 04/06/2016 17:37

Good luck Pritch :)

princessmi12 · 04/06/2016 22:11

Sorry I didn't realise it was mum's funeral
I'm really really sorry for your loss

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