To ask how you afford private school fees

[Elephantslovetofly]

We have a young DD, and although it's a while away yet we are thinking about school. The area we live in does not have a good local school, and we are considering an independent school for her

Disclaimer - I went to a private school and for what it's worth had a great education. I enjoyed being there and did well in exams. I believe my parents decided to send me there also because of a lack of a good local state school. I might have done fine at a state school, but will never know I guess

We are probably 45 min drive from the school I went to - further than is ideal. DH doesn't mind driving her there if we decide to send her there though (if she is fortunate enough to get a place)

The issue is whether we can afford it. The fees are about £9k per year for junior and £12k for senior. Assuming we therefore need to find £1k per month for fees

My cheeky question is this - if you have a child at private school, what does your household earn and how difficult is it to find the money each month to pay the fees? Our income is about £60k, and at the moment I don't think we can do it (along with our other current expenses). Wages might go up a bit before we would need to start paying, but if this is always going to be a pipe dream i'd rather get over it now

I know we could move closer to a good state school, but am exploring my options at this stage. Don't really want to move, as we have a good house here and are settled

Thanks for reading

If you don't get my point now (I've literally spelled it out about a dozen times) I'm not sure you ever will, 80k.

No point in continuing!

If you outlawed private schools, these people with money would still have money. If money is the key factor, then what difference does the private schooling make?

I don't care about people with money. I have money. I just think ability should be the determining factor in life, not money.

My issue isn't with money at all, its with a system that sees those with it dominate society.

It's no good 80k. For these people, every tricky question, every situation outside the stereotype of wealthy walkers buying privilege for their thick obnoxious offspring, gets ignored or met with insults.
Fairness in this context as in all others is an incredibly hard thing to define. I don't know the answer; it's a question that has preoccupied many people who have ten times the intellect of everyone purorying to opine here. what I do know is that parents should do the best they can for their children within their limits, and that we should all have the humility to recognise when we benefit from luck, whether that's through wealth, looks, brains or being well connected, and feel compassion for those who are not so lucky.
Beyond that I have no answers

Do you think outlawing private schools would break this dynamic?

Just read this thread.

You need an income that is way above average to afford a private education.

something like 7% of children in the UK attend a private school. A tiny percentage. It's a luxury the vast majority cannot access regardless of the foreign holidays sacrificed, compromise on soft furnishings or 'old banger' (ie 10 year old Volvo) driven.

Fortunately most of us have access to good state schools for free our children will leave with great exam results get into university or training and also have a greater understanding and empathy around what life is like for less fortunate peers and the excellent social skills which go along with that.

Well it certainly wouldn't do it any harm. Do you disagree?

I agree with you Karlos. Very well put.

One of the benefits of having education provision outside state control which has struck me very forcefully as the parent of a child with asd is the opportunity that offers for new and innovative (and often expensive, at least at first) ideas about educational methods to be promoted. My ds benefits from an educational approach whic 10 years ago we would have had to go to the US to access. Pioneered by parents in the uk, schools are being set up which are dedicated to this approach and my fervent hope is that pressure will grow to the extent that the state will have to drop its resistance to it. If independent education were banned that could not happen. The argument that it won't harm anything so let's try a ban is deeply frivolous and ignorant

Of course I disagree.

I think it would do nothing to break the dynamic of money conferring privilege.

At the same time it would put ALL power for setting the education agenda into the hands of the state. This is extremely illiberal in the classical sense. It would be on a par with Maoist China or Stalinist Russia. The small thing that private education does for all of society is to provide an alternative model/vision/example. When the state tells parents: give us your children, we know best, don't complain this is the best of all possible worlds it provides a real world counter factual example for parents to point to.

I know of a lad who is from one of the toughest towns in the UK. I can pretty much bet my mortgage that not one single mumsnetter lives there. As a youngster he was bright so all his family, and by family I don't just mean mum and dad, I'm talking aunties, uncles, nans, granddads contributed to him going to private school. He thrived and is currently studying to be a doctor.
I'm not sure that anybody can truly defend private education on moral grounds but I guess his family thought it was worth it.

Yes that's exactly what I was trying to say 80k. It's rare to find someone whose child doesn't have very individual needs who sees this point. Thank you.

This is a question to those of you who have a moral/ethical/social objection to private schools (and I can understand the logic/thought/ethics behind this stance), would you also extend this to tutoring? So if your child is in a state school but struggles with reading, would you think it ethical to hire a tutor to help her or only access the resources in the school that are available to all?

What is deeply ignorant is your understanding of my views, Karlos, and your repetitive petty insults. If I responded in kind, this thread would be shut down pdq.

Pack it in.

Sorry Karlos, cross posted! You have made my point better than I could.

Ok, 80k, happy to disagree.

And I'm out. Will leave this to the Tories now.

Work hard!

karlos, is that an ABA therapy school? I am curious as although my DS does not have ASD a lot of speech delay symptoms overlap with ASD and I would love to see it brought into mainstream education.

Canyouforgiveher Interesting question. The same could apply to the issue of private medicine. I am a fan of the NHS and would defend it to the end but as a family, we've turned to private health providers in times of desperation and spent many, many thousands of pounds.

I am not the one mocking parents of children with SN when they offer their perspectives, Harry, so perhaps you should take your own advice.
Care to address the points ice raised about benefits of independent provision for kids with SN? Do you agree, disagree, see them as irrelevant? i strongly suspect the latter, but I hope I'm being unfair

Yes bella my ds is in mainstream but there are growing numbers of Aba schools. Ds been in Aba programme since two. Damn near bankrupted us but worth every penny. Do pm me if you want to discuss. Lots of info on SN boards too.

You seem to be the only one hurling insults Harry. "Pack it in" indeed! Quite rude, especially when Karlos has thoughtfully answered your questions in detail with no personal abuse.

I'm very late to the thread and haven't read much of it but I'm guessing posters are looking at the issue in terms of south eastern school fees? school fees in the North are far, far cheaper and with bursaries and scholarships, some people (and I know these people) are getting first rate private educations for their dc for about £5,000pa. This is not an insignificant amount of money but doable for a couple who are both working. These dc are from modest backgrounds, so it's still a stretch but it's a million miles from the fees people are paying in other parts of the UK.

I'd rather be a Tory than someone who laughs at parents of kids with asd.
The compassionate left at work again
Good job so few are dumb enough to be taken in by it

Try to rise about it Karlos It's absolutely none of anybody else's business how you spend your money and what choices you make for your dd.

harry your view seems to be 'education is unfair. So let's abolish the sector that only 7% attend, rather than focus on the unfairness of the other 93%. I agree it won't do anything for social mobility, but i have a massive chip on my shoulder and views on private schools and the wealthy which were last applicable in 1930'. That about sum it up?