To be angry with dh

[ampersandand]

Dh gets up with ds1 (21 months old) as I'm up in the night with ds2 (4 months old). Dh slept in the front room last night as he had a friend over and was up late.

This morning I get up at 8:30, go down to the kitchen just next to ds1s bedroom, we live in a flat. I can hear ds1 playing about for a bit and dh was sleeping in his bed.

Whilst making coffee I can hear ds1 getting upset, wanting to have breakfast/nappy change etc, but dh just ignores it. I'm bf ds2 whilst having a coffee so left it for a while. I then hear dh mocking ds1 doing stupid cries at him back and still not getting up.

Ds1 then starts shouting for me at the gate and becoming more distressed. Dh still not doing anything.

I go to him at the gate, speak with dh and he just says he needs sleep. I tell him ds1 wants to get up and his nappy is dirty and he doesn't do anything.

I pick up ds1 and change his nappy, he now has a sore bum and is now eating his breakfast. Go back to dh and tell him he was cruel and that his sleep will never ever trump ds1s need for care and that he needs to grow up.

This is the second time this has happened now, he was apologetic last time, but when he's tired he's horrible. I'm so angry he doesn't seem to care, the least he could have done was come and get me, give ds1 to me and tell me he was going back to bed rather than leave ds1 for God knows how long. He generally wakes at 6:45 so could have been left for ages.

Aibu to be so angry at him?

So dh has spoken with me, he has said he is so sorry for what has happened, he never meant the mocking in malice, but to try and break him out of whinging and make him laugh in ill thought out and lazy way.
He said he didn't realise ds had a poo otherwise he would have done it.

Finally he said his friend had rolled the joint and he was going to clean it up but fell asleep on the sofa and when ds1 woke up he went straight to him rather than cleaning the front room.

Not amazing that its all happened, he's genuinely sorry and has agreed if he ever needs more sleep after staying up too late he will get me in the morning, or I'll have the link if its prearranged. The weed however is never, ever, allowed in the flat again.

Good result then and no need for a ltb.

Things are about to get a lot worse. Cleaning up his shit in the front room. There's weed and tobacco crumbs on the coffee table

I had missed the weed bit much earlier on. Intuitively more than a bit worried that smoking that could have an effect more often than not in the end - and it was careless to leave it where your child could get it, as others have said.

It sounds as though he got very drunk and very stoned. It is very worrying that a father with two tiny children did that unless that is very rare.

Otherwise I think a mistake is a mistake, and no one is perfect all the time however horrible he was today. It does sound as though he is very nice usually.