To tell her to fuck right off?

[WanHeda]

I was chatting to a woman at work about being a teen and the trouble we got up to. I then remarked I was glad my teenagers weren't the kind to hang about the streets/drinking/smoking etc, they prefer to be at home as they have hobbies they are really into.

This woman remarked, to all those present, that I should worry more about my "weird" kids, as they obviously have bigger issues than those who hang about outside and gave me a pitying head tilt. She has no kids of her own by the way!

WIBU to tell her to fuck off? I didn't, but now I wish I had!

She's the one that sounds weird, how on earth is it weird for children to rather do their hobbies at home than to just hang about outside doing nothing. Loads of kids stay in, it's more the norm these days I'd have thought.

Maybe she interpreted your comment as being a bit judgy and thought she'd redress the balance?

(I'm not saying you were being judged, just that she might have been sensitive to it).

She is stupid, ignore her. Pity help society if lots of people feel like her and teens are expected/encouraged to hang around the streets instead of doing hobbies. Their boredom leads to mischief and anti-social behaviour.

Aaaaah *judgey

"This woman remarked, to all those presentthat I should worry more about my "weird" kids, as they obviously have bigger issues than those who hang about outside and gave me a pitying head tilt. She has no kids of her own by the way!"

Is it possible that there was someone there having real problems with a teenager and this was the woman's (very clumsy and rude) way of trying to make them feel better?

If not then she's just plain rude

I'd have told you that as a teenager you'd have found me in the park with a bottle of vodka and a boy. You were being a bit judgey.

But you judged first so you have no ground to be upset.

Honestly, I think she was probably responding to your very smug "thank God mine aren't like that" type comment.

You sounded smug. Even if she doesn't have her own kids, she may have relatives struggling with difficult or distressed teens. Or she may just think that a bit of teenage rebellion isn't the end of the world.

And parents who think their DC "aren't the type" to misbehave as teenagers usually get a rude awakening

I would have definitely told her to fuck off, but that's just me.

Surely normal, well adjusted teenagers do like to out and about with other teenagers though (not drinking, smoking etc) but in and out of each others houses, bike rides, picnics, park, shopping together, out for a burger, cinema etc. I'd find teenagers who hang out at home alone doing their hobbies a bit weird, that sounds like code for Billy-no-mates/socially maladjusted. I most certainly wouldn't aspire to my teens acting like that.

I generally wouldn't judge, but might feel inclined to in the situation you describe, where you had clearly been judging others.

Think you've both been a bit unreasonable here.

Your kids surely don't spend all their free time at home, do they? I wouldnt exactly be judgey about that, but Id think it was a shame.

Yeah agree that she was probably just responding to your smug remark. She's right that having hobbies and not smoking are not guarantees of emotional stability.

Op was just making convo with someone comparing her own teens to her kids and being happy that they fact done the same. How is that smug!!!! Jeez. Can't say anything in convo these days except maybe comment on the weather!

I didn't read the OP as being judgey at all, it was a perfectly valid comment in the course of their discussion by the sound of it.

I would say the same thing, meaning I am quite glad my own teen have a lot of interest that keep them busy, and don't seem to go into the same troubles than their dad used to ( I was obviously a model teen myself ). If nothing else, I don't think you can get away with the same things nowadays.

I would have asked her what exactly is "weird" in my kids behaviour?

DD's weird too then. Most of her friends are weird. In fact, most of her school year are weird.

This woman is an idiot, and most people who heard her will probably think she's a bit nuts.

You were snarky and she was snarky back. Don't really think you can complain

Fgs how is it judgey to be glad your kids aren't on the street smoking and drinking. I did it as a teenager, and I would be very glad if mine never did.

Op didn't say hers never leave the house!

Maybe by "hobbies," she thought you meant they were at home sewing worthy badges on their anoraks.

Come on, 'fess up. Your "street corners/drinking/smoking" jibe must have come across as a bit smug.

I think:

"So your kids enjoy hanging around on street corners drinking do they?"

"I don't have kids."

"Oh. What do you know then?"

Should suffice.

Why do you have to have kids yourself in order to qualify for an opinion on this subject?

OP, I'd have thought you were referring to your perfect parenting being the reason that your kids are so perfect and better than the rest of society's teens and would've made a mental note to avoid you in future.

I think your colleague responded to your having come across as smug and I would've taken it as an unspoken prompt for others to congratulate you on what a brilliant you're so obviously doing, even if you do think so yourself. Self praise and all that...

Clam, it's clear the OP included that information to show she wasn't judging the other woman's children as there weren't any.