To tell her to fuck right off?

[WanHeda]

I was chatting to a woman at work about being a teen and the trouble we got up to. I then remarked I was glad my teenagers weren't the kind to hang about the streets/drinking/smoking etc, they prefer to be at home as they have hobbies they are really into.

This woman remarked, to all those present, that I should worry more about my "weird" kids, as they obviously have bigger issues than those who hang about outside and gave me a pitying head tilt. She has no kids of her own by the way!

WIBU to tell her to fuck off? I didn't, but now I wish I had!

My post was more aimed at SomethingLike's recent one.

The OP said when she was a teenager she and her friends were hanging around in the park and on the street, smoking, drinking and getting into trouble. How is it then smug and judgey of her to say that her own teenagers have turned out differently and she is relieved? It all depends on tone, of course. If she made a point of saying that her own parents were rubbish and she has got it right, yes, she was being judgey. But if she said something like 'I was a handful, I can see that now, my poor parents - if my children had turned out like me it would have been payback time, but as it happens they are very different - phew!' that isn't judgey, that's just normal conversation.

The OP said when she was a teenager she and her friends were hanging around in the park and on the street, smoking, drinking and getting into trouble. How is it then smug and judgey of her to say that her own teenagers have turned out differently and she is relieved? It all depends on tone, of course. If she made a point of saying that her own parents were rubbish and she has got it right, yes, she was being judgey. But if she said something like 'I was a handful, I can see that now, my poor parents - if my children had turned out like me it would have been payback time, but as it happens they are very different - phew!' that isn't judgey, that's just normal conversation.

So your kids enjoy hanging around on street corners drinking do they?" "I don't have kids." "Oh. What do you know then?" Should suffice

Yeah, that is a lovely response to someone who may have suffered years of infertility and totally justified to put all those childless bitches in their place

Fucking hell.

I was actually saying that I was glad my teens were not like me as a teen, but yes, I guess I was being judgey first! She has no kids though.

As in, I wasn't judging her own parenting.

please don't raise the infertility flag on this.

It reminds me of Phoebe in Friends bringing her dead mother every 2 minutes. Yes, I do know that losing a parent is awful, and how painful it is, but the show was funny

...and my kids do leave the house they are just not up to the things we were discussing from our own youth! Well, as far as I know ...

Most of their friends live in other villages, so difficult to just hang out so they tend to have organised activities such as swimming, cinema etc.

Just ignore her! Only you know about yourself and your family and sometimes those kind of people only want to cause a scene because they crave attention. Less you give her the better!

urely normal, well adjusted teenagers do like to out and about with other teenagers though (not drinking, smoking etc) but in and out of each others houses, bike rides, picnics, park, shopping together, out for a burger, cinema etc. I'd find teenagers who hang out at home alone doing their hobbies a bit weird, that sounds like code for Billy-no-mates/socially maladjusted. I most certainly wouldn't aspire to my teens acting like that.

Nice Mrs

It's ok to do hobbies indoors or outdoors, also ok to just socialise casually.
It's a shame if kids are not allowed outside unless it is for "organised" or supervised activities

I'm quite relieved that mine don't do the booze on a park bench thing that was standard in our (naice) town when I was their age.

I'd be completely taken by surprise if someone managed to find something in that to make a twatty remark about I shouldn't be really as I've met my own mother and SIL Some people are just arch-bitches who will turn anything around and make a jibe from it.

Tellinging a work colleague to fuck right off is a typical teenage response and no better behaviour than the teens you are criticising.

^mrsm43s Sat 28-May-16 11:48:02
Surely normal, well adjusted teenagers do like to out and about with other teenagers though (not drinking, smoking etc) but in and out of each others houses, bike rides, picnics, park, shopping together, out for a burger, cinema etc. I'd find teenagers who hang out at home alone doing their hobbies a bit weird, that sounds like code for Billy-no-mates/socially maladjusted. I most certainly wouldn't aspire to my teens acting like that.

I generally wouldn't judge, but might feel inclined to in the situation you describe, where you had clearly been judging others.^

Well, if that's you not judging, I wonder what you're like when you are feeling judgmental! What a nasty thing to say. What about accepting that some people are very sociable and outgoing by nature, and others aren't, and both are fine?

I absolutely loathe that phrase Billy-no-mates. It's something that a super-confident extravert throws around with no thought of how hurtful it is to a shyer person to be told that they are weird and maladjusted because they don't have a busy social life and a big circle of friends. My daughter, who has Asperger's, has had very few friends in her life. It does not help to know that there are people around who would judge her on this and write her off as a social inadequate.

Wan- I wouldn't have engaged in conversation in that level of detail with a work colleague, but then again, I'm quite cautious at work in terms of dishing out opinions. Especially people who I'm not friendly with, outside work

It's a matter of "I don't know you, you don't know me" and I'm fine keeping it that way.

Through experience I've learned you're on a hiding to nothing saying anything more than

I have a lovely weekend pottering in the garden thanks.
Yes we had a lovely Christmas thanks, quiet with the family.
No I didn't watch TV last night so missed the programme, shame.

Don't expose yourself to someone else's unknown sensitivities at work!

Well said Gasp

Good God! OP made a perfectly reasonable comment and she's smug and judgey? Isn't calling someone smug and judgey being judgey?

My DD's enjoy doing hobbies at home and socialise occasionally. They do not hang about street corners, drinking, shagging boys and being anti-social. I don't care what anyone thinks, what their fertility status is.

Good for you OP, you don't need to respond to this stupid woman. She didn't like your statement- stuff shit.